The Boy's Hit The Courts...And Not a Single Punch Thrown!

Whew its over!  The four oldest boys all participated in the Woodmen Valley basketball camp last week and for the first time in recent history there were no 'talks' with mom by coaches afterward or 'incidents' where I needed to repair relationships due to unusual social behaviors.  What a relief . 

I think it helped that there was an older child with more severe autism who was also participating and his needs and actions sort of broke the ice for my own kids unusual behaviors.  And my kids loved the fact that this young man was part of their camp, helping him retrieve balls, interacting with him and generally accepting him exactly where he was at. 

One of my favorite moments occurred just after I took this photo.  Jesse jumped for the ball, got it as well as several bumps, hits and everything else that happens in the general boy scramble for a ball and then turned and shot an excellent basket.  For him it was huge.  Not only was he able to overlook the physical stuff, but he got the ball through the hoop in the middle of the game.  For a kid with serious coordination/body awareness issues this was amazing and a good reason to cheer and thank God for visible progress.

Room in Our Life For Both New and Old Friends.....

We are starting to build new relationships in Colorado but it is sure fun to have MN friends visit us here.  (shameless hint..) This weekend we were blessed to have  Mr T overnight - I hope he was encouraged also and not just covered in tiny sticky kisses and desperate to escape.

On the new friends front we has a little dinner at the park with the K's and their 4 kids which escalated rapidly into a party till dark when I sent a text to the D's and they arrived with 8 of their 10 kids...or maybe 9 - I didn't actually count. :)   Nothing more perfect than s'mores for the masses over a park grill and six adults with nothing pressing to do than stand around and enjoy each other....

And The Winners Are .......

Thanks to everyone who is interested in both items we had to share out this weekend.  Josh picked numbers this time around with Anna (Jerry's Anna that is) as the winner of the spelling program  and Colleenmareena gets Priceless next. 
Thanks Again!

Weekend Giveaway....Last Chance and First Chance.

Anyone miss putting their name in for Tom Davis's book Priceless last week?  You have one more chance as we are going to pick someone on Sunday and send it off book rate on Monday.  It's absolutely worth the time it takes you to comment and my $2.00 to send it out.

Heads up parents!  I have a free copy of SpellQuizzer to give away.   I downloaded a copy two weeks ago for Leah and Jesse to try out and both of them give it a two thumbs up.  I was really thrilled with the logical organization of the program - both for the kids and for me as their administrator.  I think it's worth $29 to buy it but I have the fun of giving it away here.  Anyone interested?

Two Prayer Requests....One Little Baby and a Pile of Teens.

First:  Please be in prayer over baby Haddon (yes he is a K grand baby for those who know his parents K and H) he was diagnosed with a narrowing of his aorta this week which is making his heart work too hard. He was born May 13th and is having heart surgery Friday morning at 7:30am in Minneapolis - I will put up their caring bridge site when they post it.

Second: Please pray over the teens with FASD in our lager circle of friends.  Within the church as well as the larger society there is no good way to manage their overtly sexual behaviors and wild emotional states.  The transition from school to summer schedule is enough to send some of them over the edge and into patterns that make summer exhausting and no fun at all. (This request covers a lot of teens I love who struggle with impulse control, RAD, AS and addictions to Internet p**n as well as FASD - it seems to all be surfacing right now and I'm hearing from a lot of moms who are counting the days till fall already.)

Developmental Milestones and Officially Adding Dyslexia ............

The photo of Isaac is for my mom - as an OT she is always excited when my kidos reach those important developmental milestones that make learning easier.  Here he is showing that all important cross-crawl , which we should call the 'hop..hop..face plant" at this stage.  He doesn't have it down yet but he is well on his way.

On another front we took our first 'official' step into the world of Dyslexia.  Not that we didn't know we were dealing with it in our family (my mom and brother both struggle with it and I do to a lesser extent) but the time came to move forward and schedule professional assessment for our sweet Leah who has struggled with this challenge since she started school.  Today was the testing review and it was no surprise to find that she indeed has significant Dyslexia.  Because of her desire to tackle the challenge and our faith in the professionals we have met, we are looking into an intense (4 days a week - two hours a day) protocol for her at the Dyslexia Center.   Crazy to organize but ultimatly a very important investment in her future.

FASD Research Opportunity at the University of Minnesota.....

So I move out of state and then they start this study that I would love to participate in ...anyone think it's personal?  Nah...maybe it's just a good excuse for me to fly a troop of my little ones home to visit the UM clinic.  This post is a call-out to anyone who is parenting younger (as in under 5) kiddos with alcohol exposures in MN....they need your help and what a great oportunity to build or strengthen our commitment to the work that they do at the UM? Call or email...they are really nice people and I snatched the following description of the study from their brochure..............

"THE UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA IS FIRST TO TEST A NEW TREATMENT"



We are proud to have been awarded a research grant from the National Institutes of Health to study the effectiveness of a non-drug, nutritional supplement in optimizing brain development in Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). This study is the first of its kind, anywhere in the world.


The goal of the treatment is unique: to enhance the development of brain cells and connections between brain cells that are responsible for memory and learning in children with FASD.


 The nutrient in this non-drug treatment is found in foods that all children consume, but will be studied here in a concentrated form. The treatment is a type of vitamin.


 Within the last year, we have developed a child-friendly fruit-flavored formulation of the treatment to facilitate this study.


 The study will utilize state of the art measures of brain development currently used in the University’s Center for Neurobehavioral Development. These include detailed measures of intelligence and memory as well as sophisticated brainwave measures that reflect the speed of information processing in the child’s brain.

YOU CAN HELP


If you have a child under the age of 5 years who was exposed to alcohol during pregnancy, we would like to speak with you about participating in this study.


Each child’s development will be followed for nine months. Four visits to the University’s Center for Neurobehavioral Development will be scheduled at your convenience.


There will be no cost to you. We will provide a full supply of the fruit-flavored drink mix to be given to the child at home. All expenses, including diagnostics, assessments, parking, etc. will be covered by the study.


To inquire about this opportunity:
612-624-0142
or
fasd@umn.edu

Hard Times Two....

This morning I had a FB message from a friend who has joined us in the turbulent waters of special needs adoptive parenting. Reading her words were like reliving the first four years or so of my son Jesse's life... as a toddler he was challenged by being both sensory seeking as well as highly sensory defensive, tantrums were constant, transitions brought on fits of screaming -which led to hours of screaming and no one had any good answers for us. Colic? Migraines? Constipated? Reflux? We looked at everything and in the end I still had to carry a screaming wild child through the building and back to my van with me. It wasn't fun and I admit to fantasies about posting signs on our door that would have said "Child for sale..cheap."

I never did post that sign and in the end we decided to treat and manage the symptoms that were affecting our lives and drop the hunt for the larger issue. It took 8 years for the pieces to finally fit together, but during those years we made good progress in helping him to adapt, adjust and grow....walking by faith through each day. Every morning getting up and dealing with whatever happened next because there was no other way through it.

Parenting any kid with special needs is hard. Parenting those who come with mysterious medical, genetic and exposure histories is hard X 2. For that particular friend on FB and all the rest of you who are parenting through deep waters I want to end this post with a huge hug and my prayer. Because you are not alone, this is not easy, and I think its OK to say 'this isn't any fun!' and then turn back and get back into the messy game of parenting these special blessings.

Pets or Pests?

It's a fair question at our house - is this creature a pet or a pest? This week we had a bat in one of the pots on our deck and deer wandering through like overgrown squirrels chewing bits off of any plant they passed. I guess the frequency of their visits will determine their status.....

Any Reason I Shouldn't......

Any suggestions why I shouldn't fence my too big back yard in these commercial fencing sections and 4x4 metal posts? They would solve the high-winds, termites, staining or painting the whole mess every few years problems....and they are leftovers so the price just might be right. (We will find out when they come to do an estimate on Thursday.)

And for fun - they would match the black spindles that we just put in on the deck....any input? I'm just happy to be away from my rusted chain link with the tops cut at a sharp enough angle to cut children regularly fence at the Minneapolis house. Many pairs of boys jeans were ruined by that fence!

Men at Work....

Four of the boys and I spent Tuesday and Wednesday trimming and removing trees in the front yard...they had a great time and so did I.

Jerry found a hack-saw his size.

Joe found a tiny little one for himself.

Josh cut down a 15 foot Aspen that was too close to the house...

Jesse tried out all sorts of new ideas...this is how he proposed 'splitting' the branches.

And in the end we made huge progress in the front walkway area...now I thinking patio space...hummm.

MN History and Naturalist Materials Anyone?

Is anyone interested in a pile of MN and WI history/Park naturalist materials? Now Colorado tops my required list of classes for our homeschool I think that it's time to pass them on. In the pile is also have great 'Celebrate Northeast Minneapolis' coloring book (1994)that has some basic information and motifs about each of the cultures that settled into the area.

Air Force Surplus? I'm All Over It!

The last two weeks have been amazingly productive on the 'organizing the home though Air Force Surplus' side of life. For under $400 I was able to purchase 5 large matching dressers, three computer stations, one book shelf, a sensory table and miscellaneous small shelves for the bathrooms...and have them all delivered to my garage! I'm still watching for six more book shelves and some large game room things like Foosball....

Sensory table with a faucet drain at the bottom and wheels on one end to move easily.

I know that this isn't the dream 'dining room turned into office' setup for most families but for us it's perfect! Those three sets of computer desks have locks and the doors swing out to help shut out distractions when someone is working. Daddy says the light fixture is next to go - vintage 1972 for sure!

The smaller station in the center is perfect for Josh. He voluntarily sat down and did his Lexia tonight. YEAH!

Leah tried out one of the end stations and decided that they were great.

And that strange little counter in the kitchen is now empty of all our office mess so I'm trying out fresh fruit and such there. We go through so much it's hard to find storage that isn't totally trashy looking in this space limited kitchen....50lb bags of apples, potatoes etc... in every corner just isn't a pretty site!

Happy Birthday John!

John's birthday was actually on Friday but I didn't get around to downloading the photos until tonight due to some sort of time warp that stole the last 2 days.

John is my first and though we have adopted 8 times he is still the oldest. He is a wonderful young man and a total joy to have as a son. I am thankful for the 14 years we have had together.

Five things I really like about John..............

1. He appreciates the value of money and can be totally thrilled with a $1.99 game of Clue his sister bought him at the thrift store.

2. He understands the need to be excited when your three little sisters all make you identical bookmarks and cards for your birthday. He is gentle with their hearts.

3. He is patient and gracious with his parents who have moved him 1000 miles from the only home he has ever known. He is not bitter and is willing to embrace new friends...like the Douglas family (10 kids) who shared a birthday cake with us on Friday.

4. He loves his brothers and sisters and accepts them where they are at ....as well as treasuring his 7 year old personality twin - James. Who made him a lego creation for his birthday - of course!

5. John is great to have around the house. He is funny and loves to entertain all of us. Magic shows, comedy routines, monologues on any topic that interests him - he is sunshine.

What is The True Value of A Person? .....'Priceless'

Children's Hope Chest and Tom Davis were kind enough to send me a copy of Priceless in the mail this week. Perfect therapy for the end of my 5 month dip back into a hedonist pity -party over our move to Colorado.

I can't say that I liked this novel - but I can say that I needed it. I hated the primary topic, the trafficking of vulnerable children and young adults in Russia - mostly into the sex trades. I think it's good that I hated it, because it is a heinous situation and something that we tend to turn our eyes from in the United States. But it's here, it's real, and it's is totally wrong. After reading this book I know that we are called as a family to go deeper into this dark world and do what we can (in Christ's power) to bring light.

I don't doubt what Tom shares behind this book. I have had small tastes of the reality throughout my life..living next to and learning to love a woman who was also a prostitute, having a large brothel raided within 4 blocks of our Minneapolis home and back in the 1980's 'touring' a peep show in downtown Seattle as part of my Criminology studies. I have never forgotten the glass cages that I saw women waiting in, resting until the next man put down money to watch from the other side of the glass.... I wonder how many of those women had a choice.

With an estimated 27,000,000 people enslaved in our world today I wonder what it will take to get our attention and make us care. What will shake us out of our inertia and help us see what is going on all around us? Maybe God is going to use this book - Priceless - to remind us of the value of every human life. (Here is a link to the Not For Sale movement to learn more about what is being done since Im thinking I sound a little Eeyorish today)

Do you know what part of this has really got me thinking? The fact that we are still culturally humiliated over the 4 million African Americans who were enslaved in the US in 1860 but for the most part we sit back and ignore the 27 million individuals who we know are enslaved in this 'modern' world? How can this be?

So...Who wants this book next? It's worth reading and I promised to keep it moving - post in the comments section and I will have Jerry pick a winner later this week.

Blessings ~

Don't Bother Calling....

It's Saturday morning and I am home alone with Robert's blessing to set up the office/computer centers for the family. Peter Eide is playing at way too loud a volume for my usual life (though can great worship music really be too loud? I'm a product of Seattle in the 80's...never too loud for me.) Cleaning, sorting, permanent wiring plans instead of a maze of orange cords, I'm in mommy organizational happiness right now and there is no way I will hear the phone ring!

If Mama Isn't Happy...........

"If Mama isn't happy - No one is happy." Too true! I have intentionally looked for ways to bring happiness back into my own heart and the lives of the people around me this week. My Joy is returning and I have been reminded again that there is more in this life than the pursuit of my own twisted pleasure - that life only makes me sadder and digs a deeper hole.

From hedonist back to Christian Hedonist.

Leah and I ground wheat and baked bread.

Fresh library books made everyone smile.

I took time to watch the kids with each other, and pray over their specific needs.

And I began tackling the immense task of taming our huge, neglected new yard. These are what my weeds look like...

And those horrible bushes that hang over the front entry walk? Can you tell which side I 'pruned?' Perhaps a woman who gives her boys crew-cuts shouldn't be allowed a power trimmer......

14 Years Ago Today I Didn't Have Any Kids.....

Ok - I know that 'technically' I was still John's mom even though he was still in my womb. But the 24/7 responsibility of him hadn't shifted fully into my hands yet (he was a determined little guy who had many dr's worried for his last 10 weeks before birth - but I was in no way in charge of that little drama.)

Just think....Robert and I went to the Minnesota Zoo, alone, at night for a work function that night before John arrived (he wasn't due for another month so it seemed reasonable.) I remember walking over that long bridge toward the tigers and thinking for the first time what a nice place MN really was. So... it took me 14 months to stop grieving moving away from Seattle - which means I should have only 9 months more of weeping over MN and I will be ok in Colorado? :) Right?

Crazy - 11 kids in 14 years and instead of sleeping I am sitting in a quiet house at 10:30pm wishing I could get out and trim those bushes in front of the house - if only it wouldn't wake the neighbors.....And good news! Tom and Michael from TLC finished the deck yesterday and it passed inspection today. Can you believe that this is my back deck? I can't!

The Last 6 boxes.. Looking For One More Thing...

Last night I realized that I am down to the last six moving boxes in the garage. Not that everything is in it's place or the chaos of stuff has been tamed, but that monstrous pile that overwhelmed me has been subdued and will be conquered very soon. What a relief! And between that reality and last Sunday's sermon by Pastor Matt I realized that my Joy is hidden somewhere in those last few boxes.

My Joy? Yep. Somehow, over the last six months of packing, moving, buying and selling houses, adopting and managing a transitional household for a family of 13 I had forgotten to put my Joy into my overnight bag of necessities. Facing my overwhelming list of to-do's I forgot that the biggest thing has already been done by Christ and these are just the irritating (but necessary) details of life. I have been tired, discouraged, rundown, beat down, and unsettled. Not that those feeling are anything new, but since I had packed my Joy as I left MN it's been an extra long haul.

Isn't it crazy? Even after 17 years of proclaiming Jesus as Lord I forgot that my joy and relationship with him are not dependant on circumstance - but dependant on me wanting and seeking both. So there you have it. Six boxes to go and now I know what I have been so feverishly hoping to find in each box. Not the missing 'parts box' or table legs. Not the cord for the Game Boy or the my favorite book. Nope. It's my joy and my Jesus and I know that I don't even have to open those last few boxes as he is right here in my heart...waiting for me to realize that I had packed him up with the household records and forgotten that he was my guide and the source of all joy in my life.

A Visual Reminder of The Importance Of Diagnosis and FASD.....

Sunday morning I almost missed this note from my tender hearted 9 year old. He tried to pass it to me as a wadded up section of the church bulletin and I shook my head 'no' - I was too busy wrestling Isaac and Joe through the second half of Pastor Matt's sermon to look at his drawing. Thankfully he understood that I didn't have a free hand and saved it for later - handing it to me hours later in our kitchen. I was stunned when I figured out what it was - this almost missed gift was super important in his life. It was the first written page that has ever come out of his head and been written down on paper.

Can you understand what he wrote?
Here is my translation:
"Yes, I want to help you
I want to help with the MICAH Fund
(I can't get the third line)
I want to help the money."

(FYI- The MICAH Fund is a grant organization that helps Minnesota families cover the cost of domestic AA adoptions. We have served with MICAH and received grants (8 to be exact) through them. When I asked him to read it to me he was able to (except that third line) and clarified that he wanted to help with adoptions, and was willing to put his allowance into it. )

I am so happy that we are at this point - after 4 years of working on the basics of reading and writing he has taken that first step into expressing himself in writing. It's amazing to me as his teacher because there was no indication that we were moving in that direction. None.

Some of you may be thinking that 4 years of formal homeschool to get to this note seems a little...unrewarding?.....irresponsible? (Should have had better teaching or?) ....exhausting? (absolutely!) but the fact here is that this is his best and he is making great progress for what he has to work around.

Having a diagnosis under the FASD umbrella (his exact diagnosis does shift from FAS/PFAS/ARND depending on the assessor) helps me so much in this process. The biggest piece of the puzzle was provided by a wise social worker who gathered as much information as possible before we adopted him and set up a provisional adoption subsidy in her state in case we ever needed help with mental health or medical bills - which we have on occasion. (Oh how I wish our other social workers had been able to do as much for some of our other exposed kiddos! Especially in the 'no proof - no FAS' world that we currently live in.)

If I didn't have his diagnosis I don't know how I would be manging as a homeschool mom (or helping his elementary school teacher if he wasn't homeschooled.) After all, with an average IQ, social nature, average CAT scores over the past two years (because K/1 you don't have to read or do actual math it's more picture related) he would just now be qualifying for the type of help he needs. To be more honest he would be in a world of trouble due to what looks like oppositional behaviors or bad parenting. Except his behaviors are not oppositional, I think that a lot of what he does are defensive behaviors that we label as defiance because we lack understanding.

This is my son.
This is his first paragraph.
I am so proud of him for sticking to it!

The Joke is On Me...

(The view from our kitchen window)

Isn't it funny how we acquire ideas about things without any real basis? I got up last week and realized that Pikes Peak will be brown all summer. Hu? My only other experience with mountains was growing up in Seattle and Mt Rainer was snow capped all the time. It was a mild shock because I had never even thought about it.

Homeschool 'Short Courses'....

(John mastering 'grill 101')

I love the freedom of homeschooling - this summer I have a whole list of short courses for the kids. Wood shop (building the forts), life skills (grilling and fresh food management), household repairs (think a 13,12,10 year olds can tear carpet out?) landscape design and construction.

The list is almost endless and much more entertaining than grammar as the summer unfolds.

Fuzzy Wuzzy to Bald Boy...

In our house the day comes that the Fuzzy Wuzzy babies become Bald Boys. That was yesterday for Isaac. Now he is one of the gang...

No Thanks..

What statement do you think can regularly push me to tears? It's not the classic "I hate you!" or "Your a bad mom!" Those I can handle because I know that they are not true. What really hurts is when I bang my face into into the quiet words 'No Thanks" from my kids.

"No Thanks" for the Tylenol that will take their headache away, "No Thanks" to sounding out the words in order to learn to read, "No Thanks" to participating in the therapy that will help both sides of their brains work together. "No Thanks" to the help they need to maximize their own abilities. Those two words can bring me to tears faster than slamming my hand in the van door because they are true to their feelings.


Since transplanting the family to Colorado I have realized that I can't, by strength of will or finding the 'right' way to handle a situation make the "No Thanks" feelings go away. I can't discipline, bribe, out think, out argue or wish away so many of the different versions which I hear from my kids. And that is hard. Really hard. I hear echoes of relational loss, confusion and loneliness in their quiet refusals to do what is 'best for them' and an edge of depression that breaks my heart.

Expanding My Brain to Add RAD....

Sigh...After reading a little more and checking what I read with what I know of human behavior I am settled that prenatal anxiety, denial and stress in a mom can absolutely affect babies and lead to RAD as well as other disorders. Darn, drat, and all those other colorful words I learned from my British father. I know I am probably the last to connect these pieces of the puzzle together but I have to admit that being able to exclude ONE possible diagnosis from some of my kids long lists of potential labels felt sort of good. Except that I can't any more. Ok, now I'm convinced it's just another area of investigation to add to my pile of knowledge.

Rash Update: Joe and Leah's rashes both blistered, popped and are dying up without spreading. I'm thinking contact dermatitis from our little weeding excursion is most likely.

Downs Baby Update: Our friends were not the chosen couple to adopt this little sweetie. But the great news is that there were several families who stepped forward to be considered and his birth parents were able to see how many families really wanted to be his parents.

Vision Therapy Update: Vision Therapy is HORRIBLE when a child is feeling oppositional and a little out of sorts. This is one of my hardest things with FASD - that wear your heart on your sleeve sort of growliness. There is no way to combat it and it's like having a really crabby teen in the house and asking them to do chores.

Mommy Diagnosis? Strange Blistering Rash...

Forget the philosophical adoption stuff for now...we have some strange breakout on two of the kids faces. Leah (12) and Joe (3) both have tiny spreading blisters that look like poison ivy on them. One on the ear the other on the bridge of the nose. My fist thought was impetigo..but it just doesn't look quite right. Any ideas? Pam?