Homeschool With FASD.....(post removed)

I deleted that last post.  It didn't sit right, there was no peace from the moment I sat down to write it and now it is gone.  Tomorrow I plan to post on the top ten things that have helped me homeschool my kiddos with FASDs.  Between now and then I will be praying.

Homeschool Sick Days....

The flu continues to make it's rounds here today so we decided to settle in and take advantage of the lower than usual activity levels in the crew to watch educational DVDs. Through the morning we have been loving The Mysterious Islands (Vision Forum 2009) a study of the Galapagos Islands following the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin.  Yes, it's from a creation perspective - and very respectful of the right and wrong ideas that Darwin put forth 150 years ago. Everyone from 2 to 43 has been engrossed and between does of tylenol and hot baths it's helping these achy days pass more quickly.

Girlfriends Make Me Laugh On A Not-So-Funny Monday....

Ok - Noel gets the award for best comment on my last post - she noted that the lack of a space between 5 and lbs made it look like I gained 51 pounds over the holidays.  (Eeek! And that sure would have explained the skinny jeans explosion!) Which fit in perfectly with the update my friend Patty put on Face book last night because she dreamt I was pregnant with 6 babies .....anyone care to interpret these two events?  (Especially with the understanding that I put on 50+ pounds with my last pregnancy? And NO - I am not 'expecting.' ;)

Thanks girls - I needed a good laugh today as three in the house have ear infections, one is throwing up, two have fevers and queasy tummies and Mondays are bad all the way around when you home school the FASD merry-go-round.

January and Jeans.....

On a lighter note than most posts lately - for the second year in a row I have busted out the seat in my favorite skinny jeans during the fourth week in January.  I'm sure this has something to do with the sub-freezing temperatures and 52 week of washing that come before each seat failure.  Perhaps I have uncovered a sneaky annual conspiracy implemented by the jeans makers to force us into the stores during the historic drop in January shopping.  Whatever it is I am sure it's not precipitated by the 5lbs I put on over every holiday season...no....that just can't be the answer because then it would simply be a matter of my holiday over indulgences and not something larger and more interesting to research.

Blessed Sunday to you - I'm off to divide the coughers from the non-coughers to make the morning head count work for church.

FASD: Learning A New Dance....

2012 is all about learning a new way to dance.  It's like I'm hearing Salsa for the first time and wondering if moving to those unfamiliar rhythms will ever become natural to my 40-something body.  This year is learning to dance with more partners and to find joy in the complex pattern of our unfolding life..beginning with the small things.

Small like today - I took the oldest 10 swimming at the Community Center with our homeschool co-op. For the first time I also took along two volunteer PCA's to help -  sort of a trial run into our new world where we need to add in extra dance partners in order to keep everyone safe.

It was awesome.
Yeah.
12 years posing as the Lone Ranger - doing the impossible - went up in smoke as I realized how the right PCA's or helpers can become my spare hands allowing me to love my kids even better because I don't have to do EVERY...SINGLE....STINKING (35,000 diapers later).......THING from 8-5 every day. (Not that my teens don't help - they are amazing -  but we are talking a bit more than they should need to carry here.)

Call me slow.

But I really bought into the 'you wanted to do this..you should be able to do it without help...or else you should not have done it' line of logic.  Really? (Slap myself upside the head.) Really? One person should be able to manage all of the needs of all of these great special needs kids without help...why?   Because mental/behavioral disabilities are really no big deal (insert hysterical laughter here) because it's better to not ask for help because that somehow is failure.

This new dance is complex.  Since October I have navigated the first floor of the county system and discovered that my six years of college (thanks mom and dad!) serve me well but haven't prepared me to enjoy the slow shuffle of a large bureaucracy.

But I'm learning.

And I am thankful to Madeleine and Christi who joined the water ballet today and helped move us one step closer to understanding how this new season can be a joyful celebration.  Even as we struggle to learn so many new dances  - ones we never dreamt of needing but following the bracing music of heaven as we learn each step.

Could I Be A Racist?

Note: Being the mom to AA and NA children doesn't exclude me from the self magnifying temptation of racism.  Sadly, I have needed to confront my own negative ideas about race, culture, identity and social value even as the mom to 8 amazing kids of color.   I'm in a listening season of my life - many, many women pour out their hearts to me and in their words I am learning more about my own weak sin-loving tendency to judge based on race. 

Could I be a racist?

Yes.
I could bring you into my home
and love you
as my own
and to the root of my being
hate your history
hate your people
hate their story.

I could think about
'them'
as separate from
'my child'
about adoption
as a severing
from things I consider 'bad.'
As a rescue
from 'those people.'
     you know
          'those' ones.
I can refuse to embrace
the fact that you have
two mothers
one pale
one darker.
Both critical to your life.

I can scorn her
in my heart
or with my words.
With the way I frame ideas
about 'before'
you were mine.
I can bring forward
in a new 
and horrific way
the ugly
subtle
hatred
named racism
that taints our world.

I can fill your bottles
with sweet milk
edged in bitterness
and smile into your face
even as I scowl at
the thought of your first family.

I can hate in the way
that declares
there is no God -
but me.

No beauty -
but what I decide

No value -
but what I consider worthy.

I can do all these things
and be affirmed
within the understanding
of our world.
After all
I saved you from 'that.'

But if I do
I miss the point
and purpose
of the discussion.

Adoption
is about expanding our lives
to include another whole person
not a portion of one.
Like a marriage
but even more so.

Because life doesn't begin
at adoption.
It isn't a new beginning
where things from before
are forgotten.
No.
The DNA you carry
can't be reset when a paper is signed
to align with a 'new' family.
No.
Echos of the people in your past
are written deep in your heart,
in your faces,
in your truth.

And If I am to truly love you
I need to love all of you
including the rainbow
of people
who are remembered
within your DNA.

I can't love you
and hate your people.

That isn't the type of Love
with the capital L
I want to bring into your life.
It isn't the one
which will bring either of us
to the place
where God is the reason
for adoption
instead of me.

Sound Cancelling Headphones.....

Auditory overload causes one of my kids to go into hyper-drive and become a whirling dervish and another one to shut down and become non-verbal. They both have the same diagnosis but their brains handle it is opposite ways.  This morning on Groupon I ordered a pair of noise-cancelling headphones ($49 on sale from $129) using the Groupon credit I had banked because some of you linked over and ordered something from here. (Thanks whoever you are!) We have used a hunting version of these headphones with success but they are too big and heavy for our preschool crew so I thought I would try these...and the price was right!

Six He Never Held.....

Four years ago I wrote this post about missing my dad and how four of my children would never have a chance to know him in person.  I now have six children who only have stories and photos of Papa to help them connect to this part of our family history - children he never held or played with - ones who will never hear first hand his lingering British accent. 

Today is pro-life Sunday and I am thankful that all six of my eight adopted children's birth mothers chose not to abort them - there is a gap in our lives but it is due to cancer overwhelming my father not because my children lives were ended before they were born. I am silenced by the sacrifice they made made for these children. So many who are now our precious children.

Though my father has never gotten to treasure these new additions to the family his memory lingers on in the choices we make and way we chose to live - he is still a part of our family - even though he is physically absent. And I do still miss him.

26 Projects - more or less......

Last Spring after two of the kids went on a spree and dumped the medical notebooks I found a two year old note from our pediatrician which seemed to indicate Storm had elevated blood lead levels.  I write 'seemed' because it was a handwritten note at the top of a page which indicated  he was in excess of the legal state limit and had been sent into the department of health.  In a twisted series of phone calls to the department of health, the doctors and the lab I resolve that we had never been 'reported' and that he actually had levels far below the maximum. In the process I realized that we were eligible to apply for the county Lead Reduction program which helps homeowners remove and contain lead hazards in their homes as well as assisting them in replacing lead-contaminated windows.

It's been a long journey through the application and testing process but we are now officially on track to participate in the program.  It's a four step process that flows this way.  First you apply.  If you are eligible based on income, age of children and age of house then they send out a testing team who use various techniques to examine the lead in the home.  The team creates a report and meets with the homeowner.  If there is lead present they present a series of tasks which the homeowner must complete as their portion of the abatement process.  This includes a three hour training and covers both the inside and outside of the property.   Once the homeowner portions are cleared then the window appraiser comes into the home, a plan is designed for replacing the windows which meet their criteria, a grant is secured for the project and a timeline is agreed to.  Installation is completed following lead-safe practices and the family must be out of the home until it is cleaned post replacement and passes inspection by the county.

We are at the 'homeowner repair' step with the three hour training behind us and the list of 25 projects on our agenda.  Most are pretty simple.  Repainting closets and trim around doors.  Some are more complex like resealing the wainscot and risers on the stairs and painting entire porch areas. Because I hate to delay on any projects - Madeleine and I started painting some of the easy parts last night.  All six of the basement door frames need repainting so I picked up a gallon of high quality - but ugly pink $7.00 'oops' paint from Home Depot and we dove in.  I suspect the inspectors will laugh when they return in a month or two and find that most of the things on our list have been completed in this particular color.

In the long run these are all projects which were on my mental maintenance list.  The grant opportunity just brings them closer to the front and pushes me to check them off a little sooner.  If we complete our tasks the grant will cover about 16 of the 42 windows the county says we need to replace (it's an all or nothing deal - we can't just do the 16) so we are looking into alternate loans/grants through the county and just plowing ahead with the painting until then.

I admit to being a tad amazed that this might be our last winter living with the drafts, cracks and painted shut windows which have made winters seem even longer than necessary here in Minnesota. Whether at the end of the process we are able to replace them or not, I am again affirming that God is in control of every day and I only need to know that these 26 projects are on my schedule and move ahead in confidence. Not demanding that I be 'guarenteed' windows at the end...just accepting that it might happen and holding it loosely.

Choosing to Do Hard Things......

Yesterday was too busy for me to post ahead and ask for prayer.  In the gaps between guests and crisis interventions I prayed relentlessly over last nights TKD class and the myriad tiny details which had rocked our more sensitive kids worlds.  A careless word from an adult, peer age teasing, anxiety triggered by my absence the day before and my own concerns about the side affects of a new medication had created a swirling pool which made our twice weekly class look overwhelming and the potential for disaster loomed large.  I admit - I would have embraced a dead engine (it was very possible at -2) or a puking child - I could just feel the undercurrent of potential trouble and honestly I wasn't in the mood to deescalate one more situation.

By six o'clock nothing happened to prevent me from packing up the huge amount of gear, a laundry basket full of boards and the nine of us in almost clean uniforms as we heading out into the darkness to tackle the evening.  My mantra?  "I can manage anything for an hour.....class is only an hour.  In God's strength I can do this...." whimper...a science video and bed sure sounded easier than heading out into another potential crisis.

The drive wasn't fun.  Between quarreling in the back rows and some fairly serious negative talk from the front I was about ready to turn around and head home before we even hit the freeway. But I didn't - instead I kept praying and driving and using my words to guide the kids behind me into less destructive lines of discussion and thinking.In the end they settled and sorted out by the time we arrived at class and I was thrilled that all 9 of us - all the way down to Wind - were able to break our boards when the time came. No tears, no refusal, and best of all - no anxiety related meltdowns.

It was also a big night because Steam was officially accepted into the ATA Instructor Program and received his new uniform with red collar stripe (indicating his new status) and name on the back.   We didn't know that it was on the schedule for this week but in hindsight I am glad I kept praying and pushing forward with the day rather than falling back into the inertia of staying home.  In our own way we again chose to do hard things rather than easy ones and helped the crew grow one step closer to adulthood.  Learning to deal with things which threaten to paralyze and overwhelm us is an important skill for everyone - and in our world even the simplest plans give us plenty of opportunity to practice. 

Blessings today - as you tackle whatever hard things God has laid out before you...may you do hard things well.