Putting it Out There.....Question For Adoptive Families That Might Get My Head Bit Off...

I'm going to ask this question really carefully. I have absolutely no intention of picking a fight or looking for trouble but as I think through all of the adoptions that we have done or been involved with there are very few (as in only a few) where the adopted child has not experienced significant delays or problems in the educational arena (behavioral or learning side.)

This seems to be true regardless of when they were adopted, where they were adopted from, or what their child number (as in first born or 11th) was in their adoptive family. I'm not talking about preschool here, but mid elementary and jr high when the fun part of school is over and they have to start settling down to the work of it.

Maybe I'm wrong...I would sure be ok with that! But looking around me it seems that there is more here than the statistical average of struggling learners...and if I am seeing this correctly what does it mean?

(Note: The point of this question is to figure out if there are things we need to be more fully aware of as adoption advocates and adoptive parents. School related challenges are certainly not one of the things we discussed with our social workers - aside from brain damage caused by drugs/alcohol - this issue seems to be broader than simply exposures and genetic IQ/LD concerns.)

RAD?

I keep going back to the question "Can my kids who were placed with us shortly after birth have RAD?" I know that my 2 year old (who was in excellent foster care for his first 10 months) has indications but so do some of the kids who have been with us from infancy on - any input?

Goodbye to Classical Education...

Nine years ago I joyfully poured over the Veritas Press Homeschool catalogue and carefully designed a curriculum for Johns first few years of school. It went swimmingly. He was that gifted first born with the benefit of all the parental involvement he could endure. That same catalogue came last week and I didn't even crack the cover - I simply threw it away like so many ideas I have had about adoption in general and the education of our adopted children.

I love the ideas behind a Classical Education, the goals, focus and appeal are all there for me. But it's like visiting the National Archives and then sitting down with a box of Crayola watercolors to replicate what I saw - it's impossible with my limited skills. Many of our kids are like me with that paintbrush - they would flounder under this type of education, any type of education that wasn't focused on the tiny increments, repeated daily for years that their particular brains need in order to learn.

I enjoy the flock of new adoptive parents that are on the horizon. Young, excited, willing to do hard things and totally committed to the vision of expanding their families through adoption - they are who I was ten years ago. Little did I know that words like Sensory Disorder, FASD, Behavioral Disorder, ODD, Sleep Disorder, Autism and Learning Delayed would become my every day diet and what how those words would become the framework of my life.

I wouldn't change our choices and I have to be careful when I talk with those bright young families about adoption. As they enroll their gifted biological children in the local Classical Academy or private school and wait for the placement of their first adopted child (or children) I see my own past and wonder how their future will play out.

Something....

I watch my child
thrashing in his sleep.
Never resting,
Always fighting,
And crawling,
And crashing into things
in his half awake state.

No crib padded thick enough.
No bed wide enough.
No floor clear enough.
To stop him slamming
into things.

And wonder....
Is this FASD,
or genetics?
Is it for the Neurologist,
Psychologist,
or Sleep Clinic
to sort out.
If we can sort it out.

What is life like
if you never rest?
If your body never relaxes
how do you function?
What does it mean to be two
and unable to sleep?

Final Adoption Details....

Court on Thursday was the 'almost end' to Isaac's adoption. I still need to forward a copy of the final decree on to our agency when I get it and keep up with the letters and photos we agreed to with his placement. There was also the question of that last $3537.18 in placement costs that were outstanding on his account. Fridays mail brought the 'sorry we can't help with your adoption costs' response from our last pending grant application - the one that I had been hoping would cover that remaining balance and clear our debt.

Because moving has been chaotic I have not been good about watching our checking account (read into that the truth that I last balanced our checkbook sometime in March...so unMBA of me!) so I had no real idea of what was in there except that we were not overdrawn. What fun it was to see that between the refund for half a year of overpaid MN property taxes on the house we sold, pre-paid house and car insurance in MN and that little that was left over from the sale of that same house...there was $3550. in my savings account. Perfect to cover the outstanding bill and take us right back to our usual place of under $100 in savings. It's sort of a joke...nothing sits unused too long in this branch of God's Warehouse - be it clothing, pots, dryers, cars or cash. It just keeps moving into it's next perfect place.

Busy Week.....

This week was fuller than usual with the 9 of us advancing to Orange Belt at ATA Colorado Springs just a few hours after picking Nanee up at the airport for a 5 day visit.

Day 4 of her visit Robert, Isaac and I caught the early morning flight out of Denver (how DID I miss the fact that the airport had been closed the night before due to tornadoes in that area which made for a crazy place at 5:30am..) and flew back to MN for his final adoption hearing. It was an uneventful hearing hedged in with lot's of travel....and thankfully Nanee's health held out so that she was able to be the adult in charge of the other 10 kids.

There was time for a brief stop in the old neighborhood to visit Grandpa Johnny and a few friends...then back on the road for the LONG trip back to Colorado.

ILS Training In MN: Anyone Interested?

I have had excellent success using our ILS Focus at home with Josh - in the past year we have been able to figure out things about him that stumped us in the past - the primary one being that he was hearing but not understanding our words. Imagine life like that...sounds but no comprehension.

I had great plans of copy/pasting the MN training invitation here on the blog - but there seems to be a Blogger glitch today so here is the basic training sessions link instead. If anyone is curious, there is a training in St Paul on Saturday June 26th and I can forward the details via email.

3:41am ...leaving for 'Adoption Day..."

Robert and I am about to leave for the airport in order to make Isaac's 11:00am court date in MN. Please be in prayer over my mom (yeah Granny Sue!) who is in managing the rest of the gang here in Colorado so we can make this day trip.

Time to Pray for Another Special Baby!

I just spoke to friends in MN about the exciting and totally unexpected (as in they thought they were adopting from overseas) opportunity they may have to adopt a newborn little boy with Downs Syndrome. Would you pray with me that they.....

1. Would have clarity if they are to move forward in this adoption.
2. That finances would not be an issue AT ALL because of course money is a huge issue. :)
3. That this little guy would be held, hugged, loved and fussed over by the hospital staff as his first weeks are being spent in their care.
4. That there would be peace in the waiting and joy in the journey for this family as they trust and watch God's plans unfold.

I promise to post when they know for sure what is happening. :)

Iceberg....a FASD Newsletter.

Thanks to the Internet and virtual storage we can appreciate and reference the last 9 of their 20 years of Iceberg Newsletters even though they just 'officially' said farewell to this portion of their lives. I took the time to skim through some of their topics and felt overwhelmingly connected to what was archived there...FASD and sleep was in their last newsletter and is a huge part of our kids FASD and something very little is written on.

If You Have FASD Can You Also Be ODD? Are You Sure?

Three of my kids are diagnosed with FASD and also with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) but as they get older and I learn more clearly how their FASD thinking works, I wonder if that is really an accurate pairing for them.

Most of the ODD definitions and therapies I read about point toward an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant and hostile resistance to authority. Which is exactly what my kids with FASD seem to be like until you get to know them. These kids wear their hearts on their sleeves in a way that most of us find unnerving and very uncomfortable. There is no guessing how they feel about what's happening in their life ...they let you know and it's often directed at the authority figures in their life. So it's ODD.... maybe?

If they want soup with their takeout and you refuse, they might rage and trash the house, being told that it's time for bed might cause WW3 and, if you tell them they can not wear their swimsuit to church there just might be a major screaming fit. It does look like classic ODD - except that this is the way my kids tend to operate for any disappointment, any 'no' in their life regardless of where it comes from. It might be a little brother, the weather, a parent, a coach or the choices of anonymous TV programmers. Anything and anyone can make them mad, really mad.

FASD causes them to have extreme immaturity and the inability to normally regulate their emotions. They are often like a 40 week pregnant woman being told her due date is wrong and she is in fact only 38 weeks.....borderline hysterical and utterly unreasonable in the face of facts. They are also totally predictable.

Does this mean that they truly ODD or is their behavior simply FASD being acted out in daily life? The more I watch, the more I wonder if it's possible for FASD to be paired with ODD.

Why Pat Robertson's Comments on Adoption Didn't Make Me Mad....

(Please note: Wisely, the careless comments have now been edited out of the broadcast which is hugely encouraging to me. )

Pat Robertson's comments on adoption today made me sad but not mad. A few years ago I would have thrown a foot stomping hissy over his insensitive, unloving and hedonistic attitude toward adoption. Thankfully I have been given a little broader view of how Americans view adoption and understand (though I sure don't agree with) what he said. Adoption is cyclical. Much like fashion it revives old ideas every 20 years or so with only slight variations on basic themes.

The clearest book I have read on this cycle is called Strangers and Kin (by Barbara Melosh.) Strangers and Kin is a chronological narrative based on the extensive files and case notes of the Children's Bureau of Delaware (a child placing agency) from 1918 to 1990. Through it's 300 pages she carefully lays out the changing and often repeating psychological and social patterns within American adoptions.

As I read through this one agencies history I realized that the careless comments, social expectations, and arguments against adoption which I experienced in the early 2000's were nothing new. In fact, by reading the book I was much more prepared to hear things similar to what Pat Robertson said today because they were not a shock to me.

How many times have I heard "Other peoples problem kids," "you don't have to take them all," "why should you have to suffer because their mom drank?" "you are wreaking your own life," "you don't know what you are getting," and my all time favorite "what if she gets pregnant again...you wont take that one TOO will you?!" (I have wickedly thought about answering that last comment a few times with "I'm actually praying she will be pregnant with twins and ask us to parent them..." but I haven't given into that snarky comment yet. Though the specter of related twins did come up last year and we were willing to consider the situation - but that is another post entirely.)

So why didn't I freak over those careless words today? Because they are not original or even rare - they are just foolishness that comes straight out of our American culture and how we look at individuals, life and the American Dream. But that's not my life so I can giggle and think about what era each of his statements originated in and how little has changed since the last time that particular fashion can around.

Posting on the Fly....Adoption/Summit/700 club...

I'm only 4 hours late on this post - I had hoped to get to it this morning but clean forgot until my friend emailed and reminded me just now. Adoption: Fulfilling Families Through Saving Kids aired on the ABC Family Channel this morning at 10:00am - being late you can follow the link and read the article as well as watching the show through the link above.

Unfortunately Pat Robertson of the 700 club made some amazingly sad comments in regard to adoption and the Christian communities call to be involved in that same segment. (The link follows to the Christian Alliance for Orphans review of his comments.)

If anyone from Pat's show reads this post, trust that he is always welcome to come into our home and meet some of the kids he spoke about in his comments. Brain damaged, abandoned and exhausting to parent, there is no question about them being precious to us and to Christ. Come on over - there is always room for one more at our table.

(Post Note: As of this morning the segment has been re-edited and the insensitive comments removed. )

Not Measuring Up....

Benchmarking and developmental milestones seem to be a very important part of how our medical professionals 'evaluate' our modern kids. Remember back in December how Jesse was marked down for his answers on the Autism screening? He gave answers that any mom of a 10 year old would love because he was thinking about the needs of others instead of himself - but they didn't think it was a good thing at all.

John (13) ran into a similar situation at his physical last week. Since we are still settling into our new community there are not a lot of babysitting options for doctors appointments and I usually take a good portion of the crew along for the ride. This time it was the 7 boys. Everything was normal with the appointment until we started in on some of the more 'touchy feely' questions.

(side note: this is not a complaint about our Dr but a comment on the way the medical profession accesses our kids answers to their standard questions.)

He asked John what 5 things his parents liked best about him...John was floored. I could see him struggling and speechless (utterly strange for this guy) and after a long pause he finally answered "I don't know." I was fascinated. This from my overachieving, smart, funny, secure son? I couldn't figure out what was going through his head and wondered if we had failed in this area of his personal development.

In the car on the way home I asked him about his answer and he explained that he couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound like bragging.

A little more probing and I realized that he had done an amazing thing...he had chosen to look foolish because he realized that the other people in the room could be hurt by his answers. I think he understood that if he said 'I'm smart' it would hurt his border-line IQ siblings, 'I'm happy' would hurt those who are sad, "I'm athletic" would hurt those who are clumsy, 'I am a good student' for those who fight against school tooth and nail....he put the needs of others above his own needs. Even though it was his moment, his opportunity to shine, his appointment, he took the high road and made this mom proud....even if his answers don't 'measure up' to what they expect from a 'normal' 13 year old.

Dorothy's Big, Dangerous Hammer.....

I understood that Dorothy's Big hammer was a dangerous tool.... I have kept it away from the kiddos for obvious reasons but thought that I would be able to wield it safely. Perhaps I was wrong. After pounding three 18 inch spikes into our Colorado hard pack yesterday I came up with a very sore forearm and this lovely bruising. Wonder if I gave myself a fracture - at least it wasn't due to bad temper this time only hard ground.

FASD Link List....

I go crazy trying to keep track of the research and indicators relating to FASD.
I am going to try and pull some of my basic ones together here for anyone else who's brain is over loaded on facts and myths... please add your favorites into the comments section and maybe I can compile a side bar link section this summer......



*FASD and the brain - what portions are usually damaged, what the signs are. (from Theresa Kellerman)

*FASD 'Looks' - The facial characteristics

*Resource List- The best overall list I have found from the Comeonover FASD site.

*Secondary Disabilities - All of the 'other' things that follow after the initial damage done pre-birth.

*Strange (and often little known) secondary indicators of FASD: Ears, fingers, lines on hands, toe nails, vision

*Why Diagnosis? - How is it done?

* ADHD and FASD? - What is the relationship? (Drugs often act different on kids with FASD!)

*FASD and Eyes - All sorts of issues here.

*Thyroid and Maternal Drinking - Genetic link?

*Cholesterol and FASD - Fascinating!

The Mess of FASD - How do You React to This Situation...?

My Friend Barb wrote a post last night about the ongoing drama with her neighbors daughter who has FASD. I challenge you to read it, feel and acknowledge your gut response to the daughters behavior and the moms response, and then come back and think through some questions below.

STOP! Please don't read the questions until you have done your own thinking....this is relevant because our feelings and our head knowledge might not line up on this one.

I inserted a few photos to help keep you away from them.

Here is Barbs post.

The questions:

What was your initial gut response to the chaos that this child created over a bowl of soup?

Was there a hint of compassion for the child whos brain was damaged before she even took her first breath?

What was your response to the mom throwing the 20 year old out?

Any sympathy there for the mom or brother?

Thinking through this one child's behavior due to FASD....how much of the really out of control behaviors in our society might be caused by undiagnosed prenatal exposure to alcohol? Not poverty, drugs, abuse or neglect..what if these horrible things are simply secondary to what happened before birth?

What is our responsibility to the suffering individual with FASD (child or adult) and what can we change culturally to stop the only 100 % preventable birth defect?

Stats for babies damaged by alcohol range from 1:100 to 1:1000 depending on where you look. Either way it's 100% preventable....and there is no way that this young lady 'wants' the life she has. No one chooses serious psychiatric treatment and being taken out of their home as a teen over a normal stable life - dances, friends, learning, sports - YES...locked doors and sedatives - NO WAY.

But there was a choice in her life - her bio mom chose to drink while pregnant and our society has given her that right. Regardless of the rights of her daughter who now has a pretty scary future to look into. Not to wholly blame mom because I don't know her - she may have been FASD herself and unable to make the choice to stop the cycle because of the abuse that she sustained prenatally.

I hate FASD. I hate the judgement and pain that those with it experience in our society. I hate the destruction it does to biological and adoptive families and I weep over the blind eye we still turn toward it. We abhor Shaken Baby Syndrome, but give no more than a sad eye toward the realities of FASD.

Pride and Prejudice....and Aspergers?

So...does anyone else see Aspergers traits in Colin Firth's portrayal of Mr Darcy? Watching this time made me smile....as the mom to an Aspie.

Vision Therapy and Educational Milestones...

May has been a great month for Josh.

After years of thinking that there was something 'wrong' with his 20/20 vision, I had him tested on less usual factors like convergence and tracking and guess what? His eyes don't focus together!

Separately they are fine - but together they are not lining up. Which makes reading really hard and eye strain a given. Today got his long desired glasses which made him and Jesse 'matcher's.' Something that is important to him.

In the picture Josh is also excited because he officially started his Beta MUS book this week and the second book in the Pathways readers. He adores these readers because they are all simple farm stories. This is strong progress over a year ago when A was still new every morning and the numbers 1-10 were really iffy. GREAT JOB JOSH!

It was also week one of vision therapy to see what part of the problem is permanent damage and what can be strengthened. In a situation like his (PFAS) there is no guarantee that this will help, but we are willing to invest the next 4 months as an experiment.

Best news was that he was thrilled. What type of therapy has you throw balls into a rebound net and try to poke pegs into a spinning board...boy stuff for sure!

Isaac got in on this post only because he was being so cute...another serious thumb sucker.

One Of The Good Things About Moving...

Tearing up roots and moving 1000 miles is traumatic all the way around. After 4 months I can begin to see some positives - it has been wonderful to watch our kids rediscover each other and become ' best friends' again. They have always enjoyed each other, but it's at a new level where they really know and like each other.

Monday's Are Not My Best Day's..........

Monday is often nasty crazy at our house. No matter what I do it's just a fact that many of us are schedule dependant and though I have learned a lot of coping strategies to get around our various issues, none of them worked yesterday. Those who are autistic were hyper obsessed, those without impulse control grabbed everything and most didn't sleep well Sunday night so we were all tired before we even got up.


I confess - this week the biggest struggle really was my own fault. I blew up at our 10 year old for displaying perfectly 'normal' autistic behaviors. I was so mad that I whipped myself in the back of the neck with the plug to the vacuum and left a nasty welt. (How? I was trying to unplug it and ended up somewhere between coiling it nicely and throwing it on the floor to stomp it in my anger. ) Pretty much a two year old tantrum on my part - not a pretty sight.

On the positive, at least I hit myself with it and not anyone else. Which doesn't help much, but it gave me pause to stop and chill out a bit. Of course that pause was followed by repentance and confession to the child I scared with my bad temper and self inflicted injuries.

No quuestion, it's hard to parent kids with disabilities. 24/7 for as many years as the Lord allows I will be in this place - and most of the time I can function without losing it. But there are days when my defenses are down, my heart is weary and the trials seem endless, and I just snap. Not that I am likely to kill anyone or injure a child, but I have been found on my face crying out to Jesus to not just come quickly, but to COME NOW! because I just cant face another hour of this job! And he hears and does come back into my heart and head though not in the physical, days ending way that I long for. That day long awaited day when all will be healed and there will be no more sin (my own in particular) and no more grieving....

Happy Mothers Day Granny Sue!

Happy Mothers Day Granny Sue!

From all of us in Colorado and Noah our special friend in India.

(Fear not - this isn't an adoption announcement about #12 - he lives at SCH and is not able to be adopted - but we can sponsor and treasure him from a distance. Want to go visit with me?)

Linking Out: FASD Links This Week....

It's been a good week for posts on FASD and the reality of parenting non neuro-typical kids (be it autism, FASD or whatever.)

My friend Barb (the adorable blond sitting next to me in the Summit photo) shared how she is applying some of what she learned at Summit on her blog this week. Knowing her, I almost died laughing when she confessed using American Girl hair care as a bribe with her daughter and connected some of the dots from the presentation that Dr Purvis gave on the need to pay attention to hydration and blood sugars when parenting kids who have been traumatized pre or post birth.

Julie over at Not Just an Ordinary Life is dedicating several alcohol affected children at church this week and her reflections on parenting them and the dedication questions are well worth reading. We should also keep Maisy in our prayers as she has to lose those adorable baby curls in preparation for another major surgery later this month.

Pain in The Journey....Mothers Day.

As the mom to 11 you would assume my Mothers Day would be full of dandy lions in jam jars and homemade cards, and it is to a point. But Mothers Day digs up a lot of issues within our family they are painful to work through. Our eight adoptions represent 6 different women who gave birth to our children and then released them into our family.

Some did it intentionally and with careful planning, others had no choice and have no idea that their children are safely in our home today. Can you imagine not knowing where your baby is? A week, three years or ten years after they are born having no idea of how they are faring.

Being that baby is not easy either. I field questions about relinquishment's, photos, biological fathers, addictions, prison and strangely, the hardest questions of all are those that ask 'who do I look like?' There is something so elemental in that question, so identifying and basic that we overlook it in our adoption stories and a gap is left in their hearts. For some of them I have photos we can look at or physical descriptions, for others there is a gaping silence to that question.

Not that they don't love me as their mother, but they don't have have my eyes or my hair or my nose. When they look into the mirror their faces are made up of the pieces of strangers, mysterious and missing in their life. It doesn't bother me, I am not threatened or angry that we talk about these things on Mothers Day. It simply is a fact that I was not the mother that bore my children and there is nothing I can do to change the pain hidden deep in their wondering hearts.

Voluntary Adoption Disruption is Not The Same As Involuntary Termination of Rights......

I feel the need to say out loud that an adoption disruption (or a voluntary termination of parental rights) is not the same thing as DHS removing a child from a family due to neglect or abuse. The sad reality is that many families find they are unable to parent their children - biological or adopted - due to situations beyond their control. It breaks the hearts of these families who have to have to face the reality that their child might be better off somewhere else.

Pause for a moment.......

I know that many people reading that last sentence will say NEVER! and send me over notes about parenting being a 'forever' commitment but here are a few situations to consider before anyone starts criticizing those who walk this hard road.

I have known a mother who relinquished parental rights because she was a single parent, dying of cancer - what was her choice? Several other families were unable to ensure the safety of their other children due to the violence and predatory nature of an older child (biological by the way and never abused that anyone knew.) Others parents have became homeless, overwhelmed by desperation and faced years in prision based on what they needed to do to survive.

The truth is that other than these, the majority of family disruptions which I have walked friends thorough did involve adopted children - they were always seriously abused children who were placed without disclosure and brought the abusive habits with them into the adoptive home.

Knowing that each situation is unique, no one should lump a voluntary disruption (or termination of rights)into the same pile as an involuntary DHS intervention and termination. One is because a family realizes that they can not parent a particular child well, the other is based on an outside decision and action that a child needs to be removed for their own safety or welfare.

There that's off my chest - I feel better now.

Wanted: Perfect Time-Out / Time-In Chair.....

A place for everything and everything in it's place is an often repeated chant in my head right now. That includes finding the right place to park overstimulated, angry and immature children for either a time-out or time-in session. (Time-in is where they are with me because they are having impulse or emotional control issues - we all know what a time-out is.) I have been using my bed since we moved, but I have discovered that it's a little far from the main hub of activity and allows the removed person too much freedom. My deodorant has been eaten, hair products dispensed and electric toothbrush regularly relocated. It's time for a time out/time in location which I can move.

I am thinking about (gasp) an over sized bean bag or something similar but wonder if there is any other option. Has anyone found something A. Portable B. Relatively inexpensive C. Not too ugly D. Indestructible. That meets this purpose? I'm not against the beanbag idea...it's just so 70's!

Photos from the Trip to MN (Trying Not to Call it a Trip 'Home")....

Summit wasn't all weeping. I really enjoyed seeing my adoption and orphan care friends from all over the US. Worship was great and we were even able to sneak off between duties and sessions for some catch up time...

Going back to our old neighborhood was hard. Really hard. It didn't help that spring is in full bloom there and even the dirtiest city streets look good in April.

I managed to see Grandpa John, Grandma Joyce, Jan and Don and Pam's family and then my heart seized up and I couldn't take it any more....the weight of all the people we left behind when we moved was too much and I couldn't finish my hello visits.



And it was ultimately strange to stand outside the gate that had led into my backyard for 10 years and over the fence at the stones that represented so many battles in my life - knowing that they now belong to someone else. (I did think of asking the new owner if I could bring one of the 'heart' stones home with me but I think it might have caused trouble trying to pass it off as a carry-on item.)

Prayer Request for Maisy's Little Brother Isaac....

Julie and I both have little boys named Isaac who were placed into our adoptive arms over the past few months. Julies Isaac needs our prayer as his body struggles to fight the second out break of herpes that he has had since they brought him home. My hope is that they wont end up spending an extended time in the hospital with this outbreak and that his pain can be managed at home.

Vote to Spread the Word....

Last week (Sub) Urban Servant was nominated for a blog award over at i am mommy. Voting opened today for several categories - (Sub) Urban Servant being under the 'inspirational' heading - which I think is pretty funny in itself. This blog exists for many reasons. It started as a way for our distant family to keep connected with the growing brood then morphed into an adoption, FASD and hidden disabilities support site with my sidebar friends. It's always been based on our love of Jesus and our ultimate desire to serve him wherever we are.

I'm not sharing this for myself (I actually hate this type of contest) ...but I believe that the more we talk about and share the realities of FASD, hidden disabilities and adoption the more things can change for the better. I see this as an opportunity to spread the word that we are talking about these hard topics at (Sub)Urban Servant (and friends) and to invite others in.

Here is the link to the i am mommy site and the poll - just in case anyone agrees that it's worth it to get the word out on these issues - one blog, one email, one sentence at time. Trusting God to use the Internet for His glory as well as this cracked pot.

I Wept A River of Tears.........(Reflections on Summit VI)

(I returned from the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit last night and though I was delighted to see so many of the people I love there, the main effect on me was a deep sobering and a heightened level of awareness to the pain filled realities of being an orphan in our world.)

I went knowing that my heart would be broken.
Even as I was encouraged,
Admonishing,
And loved.
I found the weight of the truth overwhelming.
The pain of knowing and not just suspecting what happens -
When no one stands as protector for the orphan and evil finds them.

I wept a river of tears,
For every lost childhood,
For every act that has taken us farther from Eden and deeper into denial.

I didn't go to be lauded,
or noticed,
but to be challenged,
And to intentionally open my eyes to the pain I avoid
because I am afraid it will overwhelm me.

I was right, I couldn't breath for the weight of it.
And wept a river of hope out into the darkness.