Where Do the Carseats Go?

Does anyone know where Toddler Car seats (the 5 point harness type) are going now? I have usually inherited mine or bought them at Once Upon A Child but they have stopped selling them here in MN recently. I checked the thrift stores and though they had some they were too old to replace the current ones with and Craigslist prices seem high to me.

I had total sticker shock when I saw what the retail prices were for the seats I have been getting free or at the most $25.00 for the past 6 years. Truth is, I have had a thing for Britex and other high-end lines up till now but that just might need to change as I can't justify spending $1000 to replace them. Any good ideas on where to look for 4 newer toddler and one booster? Maybe I need to start hitting the suburban garage sales. I just hope they are not ending up in the landfills!

You Know Your the MOM to 10 Kids When.......

You wake up one day and realize you can't sip a drink anymore. Be it coffee, water, wine whatever, the learning curve has caught up with me and I have been trained by so many toddlers that sipping=putting a cup down within their range = disaster.

I didn't realize how bad it's gotten until I sucked down my big sports bottle yesterday in two hits and my kids stood there amazed watching me. Oh well, it's just another social habit I have to retrain myself on. It's sort of like when I realized that normal people don't grab toddlers as they run past, flip them over and sniff their diapers. Second nature to me - gross-out moment to many others.

Ironman for Adoptions....

Anyone want to join us in helping to raise money for MICAH fund adoption grants and encouraging a crazy guy to do his best and push on hard toward the Ironman triathalon? Here is a great opportunity to do both without breaking a sweat!

Brian H. is a member of of our church and though he isn't adopting himself right now, he sees the need and cares about others adoptions. Next month he is taking on the challenge of competing in the Kona Ironman in Hawaii. This race is a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, and a 26.2 mile run. Besides this being an amazing physical feat he has decided to use the race as a platform to promote adoption, and he has chosen to raise money for the MICAH Fund. (I'm thinking I would rather write blog posts than do the work on this one. Thank you God for Brian being willing so I can take this less sweaty part of the effort!)

There is extra fun in donating because Janus (a financial company) is offering a matching gift challenge, so they will match whatever Brian raises up to $3000. This is exciting for those of us who love the MICAH Fund, the grant organization that has partnered with our family on all seven of our adoptions. If you want to support the TaconiteBoy and the MICAH fund here is the link to his fundraising page.

God bless you Brian!

Books As Habits....

When a book is good enough to earn a place on my shelf I have developed the habit of marking on the inside cover each time I read it. Some seem to be annual journeys like the Hawk and the Dove trilogy or Jane Eyre. Then there are the ones that get lost in the corners but emerge every few years for a fresh reading.

This week it's a 200 page autobiography by Jill Conway titled The Road From Coorain. My notes in the front show 1994, 1998, 2001, and now 2009. Not on the 'most favorite' list but a well written, clean, honest story about growing up in Australia and her slow realization of the catastrophic effect colonialism had on the Aborigine peoples who were there before her. A good way to wind up a summer reading list.

Turning out to be a stinking dead bird, poop on the floor sort of day....

Some days I make forward progress on projects and others just go backwards. This is definitely a backward day!

By noon we had cleaned up two incidents of toddler diarrhea on the bathroom floor and one event involving an overflow of the toilet because the same toddler was left alone in the bathroom. It only got better when I went out to investigate the condition of the dryer vent duct which I removed last night as part of the 'clean up the exploding disposable diaper' project from earlier in the day and found....a recently deceased and rotting sparrow in the pipe. NICE and a definite answer to why sticking my head in the dryer to clean up the diaper gel had been such a horrible experience. I didn't investigate if there was a nest or other occupants of the duct, I just shoved it and it's sad contents into my last contractor bag and put them out for next weeks trash.

It's gotten better since then and much less nauseating. Lil and I made a quick run to HomeDepot and in 30 minutes I replaced the dryer vent from the broken outside cover to the dryer hookup and safely stored the paint for the exterior doors. Hey, I'm ahead on the doors, they have only been installed since July so I am not even out of season that repair. Of course there are the other two doors we installed 7 years ago and never painted but they are only 50% of the project.

The good news is that I am not pregnant - that's sort of good news - I would not be upset to be expecting #11- but if I was, today would have pushed me to the edge and I would be over the toilet retching for sure!

A Unwanted Break from the ILS....

We broke the ILS Focus. More specifically I suspect we have loosened one of the wires in the head set because one side is dead. Though it is unfortunate, I am actually surprised that it endured this long. Lily is really hard on anything electronic and though I was with her almost every minute of the sessions, there were my odd departures to the bathroom or to change a babies diaper and each time I returned she had them off and was fiddling with them.

Today I will be packing it up and sending it off to Colorado for repairs. I think it is a testimony to how much affect it has had on our son that I am really sad to do this and take a break in his therapy. He is on session 40 and it has changed his life (and therefore mine!) immensely.

Here are four tangible reading improvements I have noted since we started the ILS in June and that are standing out today.

1. He reduced his speed on a LEXIA time test from 138 seconds to identify words as the computer speaks them to 47 seconds.
2. He is sounding out words now. Try learning to read without sounding out words - it's almost impossible. But he couldn't do it and now he is!
3. He can do the LEXIA reading program without headphones. It seems that he can filter out the background sounds of life better now and 'hear' only the ones he is focusing on. There was no way I would have even considered letting him do this in June.
4. His vowels are distinct now. Before he often seemed to be talking like he had cotton wool in his mouth. Everything was muffled and blurred together - endings were lost and the cadence was strange. Now he is speaking much more distinctly.

The Poverty of Wealth....

Is poverty the absence of something,

or having it and being unable to release it?

Is it being hungry,

Or eating to cover pain and in the process

losing all self respect?

Poverty is described by a number,

a simple percentage of an average in our country.

But I see people with 500, 700, 1000 % more than that number

suffering in the silence of true poverty.

Where the soul is lost.

Where the hours are wasted.

Where the body is controlled not by real hunger,

But by the material hunger of more than enough.

And I struggle with the need

to take the overflow of the blessings in my own life.

And pass it on.

Or it will control me,

and I will sink again into the poverty of wealth.

Managing the clutter ...

Fitting 12 people into our home is a constant process of Sort-File-Organize. I have become brutal on my own things and am slowly learning to let the kids have their own corners of chaos to manage. My friend Heather asked for a few hints of the things that have helped the most. Here for her are my top 7 thoughts on how I am managing chaos today....1800 sq feet (plus an unfinished basement) distinct seasons to deal with and 10 kids from size 14 down to 2T.

1. Less is better with clothing. My goal is for each person to have one laundry basket of clothing (plus a few extra sweaters/sweatshirts) for winter and another basket full for summer. That's where we start each winter/summer change over and we totally ignore spring and fall. Truth is that by the end of the season we have twice as much as we started due to hand me downs, but that's still only about two baskets per person and I weed it back to one basket per person.
2. Toys. The more kids we have the fewer toys. I weed them relentlessly every six months. We tend to have Rubbermaid bins for the kids 'special' things. Stuffed animals are limited to one laundry basket in the girls room. Leah is the exception as she loves them - but hers all have to live on her bed.
3. Sports gear. Right now we have 8 bikes and a rack to keep them organized in the back yard. We only had two until this year and chose to use folding scooters instead. They are portable (we took them on the airplane to Seattle last year) cheap, and store in very little space. We moved up to bikes as part of our home based therapy plan - it takes a lot of right-left patterning to ride a bike! Karate is our space hog, but we keep our gear in duffel bags under the laundry table between uses.
4. Personal specials. Like drawings, awards, treat bags from parties etc.. each child has a small amount of personal space until they are school age (like a bin under the bed and their own bed.) Once they are in school they move up to a 'desk' type system or organization. Not for school, just for their own stuff. I provide bins and ideas but they are on their own until it hits the point of overflowing chaos where I can't take it and then we have a cleaning session.
5. School things. Each child has a small bin for everything they need and they are taken out and put away daily. I have the TOG books on a shelf in the kitchen to borrow from but everything else is in their own bins.
6. Over all. Flat surfaces are clear, the visual clutter is eliminated everywhere (good for the FASD kids) and everything has a place or it leaves the house. Living in construction for the past 8 months has been hard on my sense of order - having to keep things out of place is tough now that we are used to an orderly life. I am also quick to pass things on. We don't keep things that wont be used in the next 12 months -excepting good parkas and some school materials.
7. The basement is my biggest asset. I can move things there in large quantities. Like the seasonal clothing shift where each person has a kitchen trash bag, takes all of the past season clothing out of the drawers fills the bag, ties it shut, writes their name on it with a sharpie and throws it over the gate to the basement. Then at my leisure I can wash and sort those clothes into keep or donate and store them in bins for the next changeover. I think a home without a basement or garage would be a really hard reality with a large family (sorry Heather!)and would cause me to become even more serious about limiting the things we owned.

Good news, nasty jobs and prayer requests....

The good news is that at 5:15 this morning I found my missing diamond earrings in dryer #1! Yeah! With the 'taking' issues that some of my kids manifest there is no guarantee that they ever would have resurfaced and my suspicion is that they spent the last month tucked in someones pocket - forgotten. Whatever, I am so happy to have them back!

The nasty job surfaced at 5:18 this morning as I turned to dryer #2. AGAIN we washed a disposable diaper but this time the person moving it to the dryer didn't notice the gooey jell and fragments of paper and simply threw it all in to dry. It was an amazing mess - especially in those predawn minutes. Oh well....maybe it will be replaced December 1st. :)

The prayer requests. My mom is about to start chemo in Seattle. She has recovered well from surgery and is investing the rest of this year in her battle with breast cancer. I am praying that she will not be discouraged or afraid and that she will be surrounded by gentle people.

The other request is for my neighbor Kitten and our relationship with her. September 1st is racing towards us and I have no idea where she and her three kids (1,6,8) are going to relocate. I am praying that we would stay open to her needs and soft toward her behaviors even as the stress builds over the fence, the criminal activity increases and the weight of moving again presses in on her. She is a horrible screamer and I want to love her enough to see the pain and fear behind them, not listen to the ugly words.

Lord - I pray Kitten would turn and see you, and that her life would be forever changed. No more despair, no more fear and no more loneliness. For your glory. Amen.

Why Homebased (and parent led) Therapy?

Because the sad truth is that it would never happen otherwise. Yeah I wrote that. My three kids who are using the ILS at home this summer would NEVER be able to do the therapy if we had to leave the house to do it. There just isn't time and energy to pack 10 kids in the car, drive 20 miles to the closest therapist who is providing ILS, pay the 50% our insurance does not cover for each session, wait an hour or two with the other 7 kids and then drive another 30 minutes to an hour home depending on traffic. Five days a week for 12 weeks?! No, in our little world it just isn't happening.

Which is why the home-based speech therapy is interesting to me as well as the Lexia reading program we use and the other special products we have hunted down to help our kids succeed. We are not against the professionals. We do a lot of diagnostic work with them and have many advocates in the field. But we also believe that we have the ability to take the materials available in today's world and use them to our advantage without needing to use a professional for everything.

This attitude makes a lot of people uncomfortable, until we ask them how they think the kids are doing. When they check out their reasons for wanting us to have the 'professionals' do things we often discover that they think our kids are thriving and the discomfort they feel is more a reflection of their own comfort zone. Sort of like the 'I couldn't have 10 kids' statements that people make. It's not about us - it's about them and how they make their own choices.

So how does this play out? In general we invest in teacher/therapist level training for me - yes out of our own pocket - even though it saves our insurance and school district thousands a year neither is willing to pay for it. Then, unless we run into a problem we can't unravel, we go it alone and as a part of our daily life. I know if I run into a glitch I have a broad network of specialists and friends I can call and ask for advice/evaluations.

Our theory, is rather than forcing our kids into a broad protocol for therapy where the three hours a week the specialist spends with our kids is outcome focused we can take a very individualized approach to helping them that weaves the therapy into all aspects of our life. No one knows our kids better than we do - that is the statement I hear over and over again from the specialists - how happy they are that we take their knowledge and recommendations, apply it to the daily lives of our kids (with an eye to the future) and are not afraid to modify the plan to meet the moment. We are not just there for a prescription, an IEP or (for the child) to be certified for services that we (parents) will never participate in. We are there because we have identified an area where progress is not being made and want to make a change. Usually we show up at these appointments armed with a three ringed binder full of research, product reviews, notes and the child's full medical history. We are serious about this and the professionals know it and almost unanimously love it (the exception being one strange dermatologist who didn't want to talk to me at all about Noel's three year bout with an unidentified rash.)

I guess that's it. Therapy? Yes. But generally as an integrated part of our life.

A look at the BWCA trip.....

Robert and John returned from the wilderness late last night and here are a few of the photos I downloaded from their camera. They left the TC area last Wednesday just at the tornado touched down in Minneapolis and followed the nasty storm North as they drove. The good news was that they had hotel reservations for the first night, all dry gear for the second and after that the weather improved considerably and the sun even appeared. I am going to resist any commentary as I wasn't there - they can add some later if they want to. :) (the lookout, you could see for miles up there)

(Ok - just one comment. This is that MN portage thing. Take a perfectly good canoe out of the water, carry it on your shoulders through the woods, up and down hills, and then drop it into another lake not-so-near-by. What is that?!)

(Steve)

(Weldon)

(Garter Boy, the snake that lived near us.)

(John, Jonah, Parker- John's glasses cracked from the hot/cold contrast.)

(the 2 small mouth bass that Jonah and John caught.)

( Johns' first bass)

Homebased Speech Therapy......

My friend Heather emailed a link to me for the Small Talk home-based speech therapy program that has been affiliated with FIAR (Five In A Row) and she found it on the discussion board there. I haven't known anyone who uses this program for diagnosis or therapy sessions - but I am all for doing it myself verses paying $75-$150/session at the office. It's listing at $150 out on the FIAR site - any input?

Ramadan - a view from inside....

Natalie's kids in a tree.

My cousin Natalie is spending an amazing season as a mom and wife in Dubai. This is a link to her post yesterday on the beginning of Ramadan and how it affects her living in a Muslim country. Here is a snippet to entice you....I thought it was worth the read and I love her photos.

".......So here, by law, all adults except for certain groups like pregnant women and the terminally ill refrain from any eating or drinking in public, which includes in your car.

Rumors have circulated that the police in Dubai will be looking to give out twice as many tickets this year for infractions. Getting busted having a sip of water, for instance, netted a 1000 dirham fine last year. In other words, no matter how little you care about being culturally respectful, they make sure you will care. It's not worth it, and they have every right.

The restaurants and coffee shops are all closed until the sun sets........."

FASD and intelligence...

From the FAS Community Resource Page
" FAS is the leading cause of mental retardation. BUT...Most individuals with FAD have normal intelligence! They just don't always have the ability to use the intelligence they have."

This is so true in our life and is one of the reasons people don't 'believe' our kids have FASD.

Neighbors needs...

I have had the fun of sharing out several large pieces of furniture with our neighbors lately. Many of them don't have cars so even if they could find a bed or dresser at the thrift store they would have no way to get them home. You know, the buses just don't let people bring things like that on.

If anyone has beds to donate that seems to be a focused need right now - these are the ones I know we could deliver into someones hands today - if you have them to share.

-bunk beds for big boys (10 and 13) Praise God! After 9 years of living with Grandma I think they are going to live with their mom again!
-a queen bed set.
-a full sized bed set (for the boy's mom)
-a toddler bed (maybe even two or three as there are several who I think might need them.)
-small dressers

That's all for today though I am sure that teen boy clothes are always a blessing to the family that need the bunks.

Charlotte Mason anyone?

It's time to thin out the bookshelves. I have a 5 volume set of Charlotte Mason's classic reference on homeschooling which I would love to pass on to another mom. They have an emotional attachment as I purchased them at the BBC "Books for Bricks" fundraiser - 7 kids - and 9 years ago. Back when I had time to volunteer at such events. But that isn't enough reason for them to take up so much space! Speak up if you want them next.

Summer.........

It's been an unusual summer here in MN. There have not been many good days for the beach and with the second floor remodeling the days have slipped past quicker than I could have imagined. Friday night ended with a family swim at the beach and a taste of what summer might be like. Leah is growing up this summer. Taller and wiser, she has become my right hand with the younger kids.

Jerry loved the water and played until he couldn't even sit up to dry off. It's been a year since we first heard about his situation and started the process to bring him home from Alabama. A year ago he had never even heard my voice. Now he is like velcro!

Lydia and Noel practiced drawing their letters with feathers in the sand.

And then there are the men. John is modeling my new backpack in this photo. It's a vast difference from my 1986 external frame monster that we shared forward a few years ago.

It really hits home that you are a mom when your 13 year old son gets to take your new pack out in the wilderness before you do. He and Robert are out with Weldon (Parker and Jonah his sons) and Steve his friend in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area this week. They left just before the tornado dropped in Minneapolis and followed the storm North. Hope the weather has improved!

Gross is a caterpillar fatter than my pinkie!

Here is the newest family pet. Thankfully it had the grace to go into a cocoon it's first day with us so we didn't need to take it out of the terrarium too often to play with. We think it's a sphinx moth of some sort though we are not sure which variety yet.

What does FASD cost our state....?

I really was done posting on FASD for now - but I found this site which has a prevalence and cost calculator for the different states with all sorts of FASD/ARND facts. I knew the cost was high to care for these kids/adults but I had really no idea how much.

According to the calculations (which state that this is a low estimate) MN spends $67,647,742 in each five year period to care for these individuals and their legal/physical/educational needs.

Amazing and terrifying isn't it? FASD is 100% preventable but for some reason we refuse to step forward and stop it - if we as a culture took it seriously it could be eradicated in a single generation. No more babies born with FASD brain damage and the millions could be spent in prevention rather than after-the-fact scrambling for services.
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FASD: What does it mean to have a lack of impulse control....

Life with FASD is confusing as a parent. The normal training and teaching methods that work with other kids don't work with these, and some days I distinctly feel like Alice at that infamous tea party in Wonderland. Today I searched "Lack of impulse control FASD" on Google and came up with a link to the FAS site FAS Community Resource Center. Here is a good taste of an article by Teresa Kellerman's reply to a question about impulse control and FASD......

"The parent asked: "Why can't they control their impulses? That is the part I don't understand. If they can understand, why can't they control it? I don't understand."

Fact: John understands the rules
Fact: John understands the consequences.
Fact: John goes ahead and does it anyway (AGAIN).
Fact: John can later relate the exact rules and consequences.
Fact: Mom emits a long sigh.
Fact: John still cannot control his behaviors most of the time.

Why?Remember hearing about how the prenatal exposure to alcohol affects the corpus callosum? That's the membrane between the left brain and the right brain that passes information between the two hemispheres of the brain. The corpus callosum of kids with FAS/FAE is damaged, and in some cases it is absent.The left brain is the one that handles facts, rules, order, thoughts, language and logic. The right brain is the one that handles music, feelings, intuition, creativity, and impulses. Is it beginning to become clear yet?

The "do's and don'ts" are sitting there in the left brain, but when that impulse hits the right brain, a child with FAS acts first, and processes the information later, information that is there but cannot be accessed in time to prevent disaster.

This is very similar to what happens when a "normal" person drinks alcohol. After a few drinks, alcohol shuts down the left brain, which kind of falls asleep and no longer functions the way it should. So the person is now acting on the right brain only, feeling, acting on impulse, disregarding consequences............" If you are interested you can read the rest of the article by following the link above.

Tornadoes in Dowtown? Eeeek....!

Nothing like a tornado touching down in the city - just as I get the little ones all settled for naps! (Selfish -self centered - mom that I am - I admit I hesitated to walk them all up) Still under a watch - and prayer would be appreciated.

Just for the Record: Everyone is not called to city life..........

After my recent post on why we live in the inner city I received a few emails and comments pointing out that not all people are called to live the life we are. I would like to say publicly that I very much agree. Each family (and single) has a specific life purpose and path and no one should attempt to tell another what they 'should' do. Rather we should encourage each other to be true to our callings and grace filled when we look at others choices.

From: Take Your Vitamin Z: "We Will Care For Any Newborn Baby You Bring To This Church"

As noted on Take Your Vitamin Z: "We Will Care For Any Newborn Baby You Bring To This Church" follow this link to hear the sermon and read a little about this Presbyterian Church in Atlanta that made their commitment to receiving any newborns public........

My personal opinion? Yeah! Here is another church stepping forward and seeing that adoption isn't a 'private' issue. It's desperately important that WE the Body step forward and say yes to the hurting in a new way. What if adoption wasn't about us getting babies - but about loving them (the children and birth parents) in a sacrificial way?

One of the Unseen Pains of FASD...

It is painful having to convince people that Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) is a real diagnosis.

The sad fact is that some babies who are exposed to alcohol while in the womb suffer lifelong consequences. It seems absurd to me that I have to write that, but the longer I live with kids who face these realities the more I understand that a large portion of our society just doesn't believe it. These are not ignorant or uneducated people, they are not uncaring or blind. They simply have been taught that this isn't a real problem by the subtle and not so subtle messages our society (and others around the world)teach. Part of the issue stems from the fact that FASD is a spectrum - those who bear it's label can have affects ranging from simple memory issues to an absolute inability to function in our society and the need for 24 hour care. Their IQ's can fall anywhere on the scale and physical markers can be present or absent. FASD can be illusive, easily misidentified and compounded by secondary diagnosis. But FASD is real and affects a huge number of people in our world today.

Parenting children with FASD is hard on many levels. Today the hardest part for me is the truth that many people we encounter don't believe that the damage really exists. Even those who love us dearly and have a basic understanding of the consequences of alcohol-related neurological damage say and think things that deny it's existence and burn our hearts when we hear them.

When I encounter one of these comments it makes me want to say -" PLEASE! Stop trying to convince me that this isn't real. This is my life, this is their life, this is the consequence of the choices that their biological parents made and my life must be different because it is. Denial wont make it go away, it can't be cured and I am not making this up as an excuse for lazy parenting!"

Hmmm.....I guess I have said it now. Perhaps that done, I can extend grace to those conversations....because in my heart I know that they WANT me to be overreacting and wrong about the diagnosis, I know that they LOVE us dearly and believe that these sweet children cant really have those problems, and I know that they HOPE that the conservative estimates which say that 12000 babies with full FAS and 36,000 with undiagnosed affects will not be born in the US this year. But the truth is they will be.

Scary Fact to go with my mood......."FASD affects 1 in 100 infants each year, more than autism, and downs syndrome, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, spina bifida and sudden infant death syndrome combined." This statement is from the NOFAS site. Pretty significant numbers for something our society doesn't accept as a significant a problem isn't it?

Why do we live in the city?

After my last post on the Pros and Cons of city life Sue commented asking WHY we live in the city. It's a big question and I think bullets are the best way to answer it.
1. God placed us here. It's no mistake that our friends moved to Florida and sold us the house unexpectedly, we adopted an AA baby and we moved to this community all within 60 days. It is part of God's plans for our family.
2. We are a multi racial family (AA/NA/CA) and living in a majority white community didn't feel quite right.
3.There is a place for us here. We have skills and talents which can be poured out in Christ's name on the people we come into contact with.
4. Living in the suburbs was terrifying because we could have easily passed our lives without actually living them. We don't want to waste our lives or those of our children by simply floating along with the current, luke warm and flabby.
5. We have learned to not be afraid. Our trust is in Christ and not in man now - it used to be frightening to think about living where we do. Now we are careful but not controlled by the danger.

So that's why we live in the city. Why do you live where you are? Any regrets or dreams of a different type of life? Any reason not to make a change and start bringing hope to our world - one broken neighbor at a time?

Pros and Cons of living in the city......

Earlier this week Lori asked me for a short list of pros and cons about living in the city with a large family.

So what do we see as good about living in the city.....
- We know our neighbors. With city lots that are 39.5 feet wide we have ample opportunity to engage with our neighbors on a daily basis.
-Our options are wide open for experiencing all the good things the city has to offer - easily and without hassle. Museums, parks, cultural events, politics it's all here.
-Proximity to medical specialists and therapists.
-Our kids are used to interacting with lots of different types of people. Rich, poor, old, homeless, drunk, self proclaimed witches, Muslim, drug dealers, gay....we have it all in our community and we are all still NEIGHBORS.
-It's cheaper to buy a house here.
-Diversity. My kids see AA children/adults/grandparents every day.
-Homeschooling isn't unusual. The inner city public schools are struggling and people understand why you would be choosing to home school.
-It feels alive.
-There is no need to go find a way to love and encourage others - they will knock 24 hours a day and give you the opportunity to bless them.
-Living in the city I have learned to hold material things loosely.
-Our kids see the painful reality of human existence and the destructiveness of sin. They know it's real, it's not a joke or something that they can make light of.
-Living in the city my kids stay closer to home - it's just not practical to let them roam too far.
What do we see as harder about living in the city......
-Privacy is hard to come by. Living so close doesn't lend itself to anonymity.
-Parking space is limited and there are days we have to park a few houses away because there is no space in front of our home. It's good for me because I feel I have a 'right' to park in front of my house and that is something that God has been working on. That sense of entitlement.
-Neighbors are close because lots are small. It's bad if you don't like the people over the fence, but most of our really nasty ones only stay 6 months so it's not unbearable.
-Things get stolen - a lot. Because of proximity and density.
-My kids become aware of horrible things. Domestic abuse (why does she have black eyes?) addictions, neglect, crime. Things other kids might not encounter this young.
-The Truant Officer is always out patrolling because other kids are skipping school.
-Many of the polite niceties of suburban life are not extended here. It's more of a 'real' world than the other nice safe places I have lived.
-Oh yeah - it isn't 'safe' by many peoples standards.
-The houses are older and need maintenance. We have spent about $8000 a year maintaining and improving our 1900 home. They are a lot of work and tend to be drafty.
-The kids freedom is curtailed by the neighbors activities. If the dealers get up and start selling at noon. Then the kids need to hang up the rollerblades at 11:30 and get off the sidewalks.

Any one need a bed.....?

Does anyone local need a nice full sized mattress and box spring (no frame)? It's in great shape, only used by adults and we would be happy to share it. We also have a brand new queen size box spring if anyone wants it. Please speak up they are in my front hall and I need to reclaim the space. :)

Strange Library Habits......

We love books at our house. Year round we take our largest laundry basket to the county library and check out 50-60 fresh books every 3 weeks - plus all the books we have for school. It's a literature rich life to be sure!

Early in gradeschool I fell in love with the Dewey Decimal system of organizing a library and have been enamored ever since. Its one of those quirky things about me, like the fact that I really enjoy doing taxes and anticipate the release of the new years guidelines with eager anticipation.

But how does this library love play out? Each time we go to the library I choose a different section to pick my books from. Say the 655.1's one time or the 330's the next - it's an almost totally random treasure hunt and I find that there is something to interest me on every shelf. Last visit it was the human psychology spectrum. I choose a book called Twilight Children which was case studies on children who are selective mutes and the biography version of A Beautiful Mind (John Nash and his life with schizophrenia.) Both were great adult reads and topics I had never considered before. There was another book that I snatched at the last moment and didn't get to read (but I will check it out again) called Napoleon's Buttons which is a case study on chemistry truths. One of which identified that the metal used by Napoleons armies to hold their clothing together couldn't endure the harsh winters they encountered. Nasty business that - especially when your pants were held up and your shirts held closed with buttons!

Ready for some construction photos - these are for Katie who had this room before me....

It's done. Or almost done. Within 98% of complete with doors left to paint, stucco to patch and tiny places to stain on the trim ends.

From this duplex kitchen with chimney, pipes, linoleum on the floors and old fuse boxes.....

To this beautiful space that is actually identifiable as a bedroom. (sorry about the glare!)

This is the same corner without the flash and with my new armoire installed and much truer on the colors. Roberts new closet is pretty cool - it goes 7 feet further to the right and is hugely useful space. I ordered the unit from Costco and really like it.
This was the second floor bathroom that most people never saw. From the linoleum I glued to the walls around the 4 foot tub to protect the plaster to the sink that hung over the rim it was the type of place you let people use with warnings.

This is the same view from the door way today. Nothing dangerous or strange in here now....the crooked towels are on a train rack that I love. No time to tidy up for photos.

And across from the vanity is this beautiful new shower. Demonstrated by Weldons beautiful wife (and my friend) Patty.

Blogging has been a low priority the last few weeks. Trust me, I haven't s around doing cross-stich and sipping coffee. Actually I have been slamming coffee and putting my muscle into whatever low-skill tasks Weldon has for me. Moving things seems to be a speciality I developed.

Weldon also replaced the garage door which was essential as the mice and squirrels had taken a liking to the space and were chewing the old wood door.

Adoption Reality Check: An Out Clause...

I read many blogs and the Adoption Counselor is one I particularly enjoy. Just a little edgy, brutally honest and faithful to combine love with truth - she wrote a post this week on "An Out Clause (in Adoption)" that would love to share with those of you who are parenting harder adopted kids. Here is an excerpt to encourage you to link over and read the rest.

"I don’t care what anyone says, I’m in this for the rewards. I know that many of you have adopted because you want to help a child, but not me. I adopted because I love being a mom and I love all the good things that go with that role. I don’t like the bad things at all. And, when you adopt older children from foster care, often even when you adopt babies from foster care, there are going to be bad things that happen in your life for days, weeks, months or even years that stretch and twist you beyond anything you thought was possible............"

Growing up moments....

We had a few 'growing up' moments in our home this week. Joe Raymond decided that he wanted to try out the potty chair and amazed us all by staying dry for 8 hours and producing both #1 and #2 in the appropriate places. Now I have to go find more itsy-bitsy-undies for this guy. He is barely a size two at 25 pounds.

Lydia lost her first tooth on Thursday. She was really excited as Dad pays out .25 for each tooth they lose. There has been such a streak lately that he is joking about the Bank of Dad needing a bale-out soon.

Karate is going great. Everyone is settling down and classes are going much smoother than they were this spring. I get to work out almost every class now rather than training or parenting the crew. What a relief! With summer we have forsaken our hot uniform tops and have "I Love TKD" "Griffin Martial Arts" tees instead.

Prayers Answered! More than enough...

Yeah! Wahooo! I just jumped over to Sarah's site and see that MORE THAN ENOUGH has been provided for Kumars emergency surgery. Let's keep praying that it will go well and that infection and pain will be spared him.

Found things and what to do with them.....

One of the things we have had to come to agreement on in our home is what to do with 'found' things. Having several kids with impulse control issues 'taking,' (AKA stealing if it is done by people who have impulse control) is an everyday problem. Rather than encourage them to 'find' things (in say....mom's wallet) the policy is that anything found is handled in a very specific way. Found money goes into the soup can we have for MICAH or Metro Women's Center offerings, found candy belongs to mom, found lego's go into the general bin - you get the picture. Basically the 'finder' doesn't get to keep the item because the distance between taking and finding is just too fine a line for some of our kids.

Jumping tracks just a little here.........on holding all things loosely, even the plans for 'found' money.
Yesterday was a hot one - Weldon and I had been working hard in our various tasks and by 2:00pm I was ready for a little drive (1 mile to be exact) and an ice McD's hazelnut coffee. A favorite treat for both of us since he started the second floor remodel. Unfortunately, I paid out two months of allowances to the older kids and my purse had only one dollar in it. The good news was I had that whole can of 'found' coins sitting next to me and knew that most of the contents had once resided in that same empty pocketbook.

It all played out well, I added my dollar to a handful of quarters and gleefully received those two tall iced coffees from my favorite McDonalds driveup employee. As I turned out onto the street I noticed that there was a new woman begging at the intersection. It's usually a corner that men sit at and something about her convicted me. It wasn't her sign, or her clothing. It wasn't the fact that I have so much and she has so little. I am not sure what was different in this situation except that my heart and my mind agreed that I needed to do a u-turn and take the remaining contents of our found money can to her. I did the u-turn, caught the next red light and took a moment to talk with her and give her the handfulls of coin.

It was good, it wasn't strange at all and I think it was just another one of those Spirit-led moments when we take a step in an unusual direction and find ourselves intersecting with people we would otherwise never meet. Do I feel guilty about buying coffee out of the 'found' fund? No. Without the impulse to raid the can I would have skipped the treat and never encountered the woman on the corner.

Day 27 a Kitten update and National Night Out.....

Because we live in a neighborhood with heavy police involvement and lots of at-risk neighbors National Night Out has become a fun way to step up the community policing efforts and reduce end of summer stress. Since we moved into the city it's sort of been my baby and a good way to help refocus my heart after what is often a long, hard haul through the summer months. This year we joined three blocks together, closed off the street and had one big party for the three blocks around us. It was a real blessing for me as it was my turn to take a back seat and let others coordinate much of the event. Here is Barry in his best role - raffle MC and crowd entertainer. Pam and Rosa carried most of the organizational weight this year with Bill manning the grills so all I had to do was help serve and connect with neighbors. Joe's Garage donated huge amounts of food and neighbors filled in the gaps with homemade treats.

God continues to work between Kitten and I. At about 7:00 she showed up at the party and was friendly and sociable. She stayed until it was over and spoke with many neighbors in ways they had never seen before. It was good- an opportunity to meet her physical need for food as well as her emotional one to be accepted within our community. She is on the right in the blue and white outfit.
These friendly fun women are two of our Parole/Probation officers for the community. They always come and connect with their clients as well as touching base with neighbors. I love working with them and trust their instincts for how things are playing out.By 8:30pm Jerry
was exhausted and so was daddy!

By the end of the party Laura did what we the rest of us only thought of - lying down and resting in the middle of the street.

What can you purchase for $163.20?

My friend Sarah (as in Sarah's Covenant Homes in India) has a tangible need today. One of her special children fell last week and needs an unbugeted surgery to put a rod into his fractured femur. It looks like a horrible break and is splinted for now (see the x-rays on her site)....but unless she can pay the $1630.20 it may not be repaired.

As much as I wish we did, we don't have $1630.20 to cover this need, but we do have have $163.20 from a third July paycheck that they don't take insurance out of last week. That makes the surgery 1/10th paid for. I am praying that that other 90% would be found and that Kumar's medical history would not need to include 'incorrectly managed femur break' due to a lack of money. In the year 2009 that just should not be his story!

This is a little about Kumar from her website and a photo of him with a therapist....."Kumar is a gentle, loveable 14-year-old boy. He struggles with epilepsy, cerebral palsy, developmental delay, and low vision. He loves to play, and can entertain himself with or without toys. He really enjoys, but doesn't seek out, affection and interaction with others. Kumar doesn't speak, but every once in awhile he shouts "GAH!" in a booming voice that startles the littles and makes all of us jump. He's one of those children who doesn't demand much and therefore can be overlooked. I love him fiercely and am always bringing his needs to everyone's attention. He was my "focus child" for several months, because his ability to entertain himself means he sometimes gets less attention than he'd benefit from."

We can be a supporting voice for Kumar - one that says his life is worth investing in.

Burning up and Drowning........

Yesterday Jesse (9 years old) crawled out of his bunk and firmly declared that he was "burning up and drowning!"

Hu? I had to ask for clarification as I was still laying in my temporary bedroom, semi-awake and confused by his statement. Was he telling me he had a cold and a fever? Or was he still asleep and mid-dream?

Neither was true in the end. He carefully explained that the sun was shooting burning light toward him and that the air was full of water particles. Oh, you have been reading your science books again. I see. Sort of.

Bears and Fishing in Alaska.......E's post is great fun!

For 36 years E's been my friend. Now she is in Alaska and I'm landlocked in Minnesota, both of us far from home. Here is an excerpt from her mornings blog post. Laughter is good medicine and I thought this Alaskan adventure was great!


At a prime fishing hole near the confluence of the Kenai and Russian rivers, the two fished for a few hours without the distraction of other fishin folks or fishin bears. But sometime around noon the call came from upriver. "BEAR!" It happened to be at the same time D. just hooked into a good one. What's a man to do when faced with danger and a sockeye at the same time.............

If you want to read the rest of the post - the resolution to how the man/bear/fish event ended for E's husband click over to her blog here. I'm still smiling...thinking about my own men who are soon heading into the wilderness themselves.

Finding Fun in the Chaos.....

It's been a long season of stress and remodeling chaos for the family and I am trying to claim small portions of fun as we wind down the 8 month stretch. Friday Weldon sanded the new (reclaimed) floors and they are a perfect match to the rest of the house. As crazy as that sounds I am a little disappointed - the amount of work we poured into them will never be realized by subsequent owners. They look vintage in the 'This Old House' remodeled sort of way. But I know the effort they took to install!The kids and I ended the week with an early morning trip to the Minnesota zoo. With Lydia and Noel in full length party dresses.

(I liked this photo of Lily enough to crop it out - notice the red and black socks.) On our way to the Zoo we stopped at IKEA to look at a few closet ideas for the new closet space. We arrived before opening and they were delighted when I treated them to a wide sampling of the brunch treats that the restaurant offers.