For regular readers the blog has been obviously a little off recently - there have not been as many posts - there has been a desperate edge to what I share and many of them have been written over the silent watches of the night rather than the ritual daylight of the nap hour.
It's because our world has been a little more edgy than usual. In that - in that - "I can't quite nail it down - but something is brewing and it's not necessarily good - and in time it will erupt somewhere..." sort of way. I was hoping that the extended winter was the main issue - shoot - snow into May is enough to make even the hardiest soul a tad wackier than usual and we had plenty of that this year. Springs arrival - late better than never really did help.
I hoped that my trip to Seattle would blow out the winter cob webs and whatever part my own pent-up pressure from 9 months of homeschool/construction/cabin fever was playing in the edgy creepy feeling...which it did - in perfect timing.
The main challenge we are dealing with today isn't one I was prepared for, isn't my own and therefore isn't one for the blog - at least at this point. But there are many side pieces which are my own and I can share here.
This week the issue finally surfaced and it felt like I fell down Alice's Rabbit Hole and landed at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. It's good because I would always rather deal with things than hedge around and ignore them. But it does mean that we are off and running in full crisis mode. Five things that are making this week possible and helping me keep the crew functional and moving forward are..........
1. Jodi's kindle. My girl friend got a new one last year and passed her old one on to me. It came preloaded with her books on it and in this season when I can feel a tad strangled and trapped - being able to browse through and choose a new book is more than just a treat - it is honestly a life -line for this heavy duty reader when the chance of me getting to the library is close to zero.
2. Girlfriends I can be honest with. The Sistas' (AKA The Twisted Sistas and the Extended Sistas and The Sister Hood of Sistas...and all the Girlfriends through the blog) WOW! Have I been blessed! Understanding how honestly loved my family is - in all our messiness - by so many -is overwhelming. I put out the cry - PRAY for us and it was heard by women and men who understand even without a lot of details.
3. Physical Help. Crisis demands hard work - and in our household it also means increased vigilance to keep everyone safe and stable. Monday I started pulling out my bossy cards. Barb Clark got the first hit - poor Sista. I had had enough and was treading water with a pack of kiddos pulling at my ankles. Barb got the 'your in charge of dinner' unless your own house burns down - text. and she pulled it off awesomely ....for at least three nights. Carrie got it next and she arrived Tuesday with everything from popsicles for happy moments to strawberries and cuddles during a had family meeting. Physical help means holding and rocking as well as doing. Cant say enough about my staff and kiddos either - they are pulling through in ways that amaze me. (GREAT JOB!)
4.Emotional Support. This is hard to put into words because everyone's needs are different but for me it's knowing I am not alone and adrift. There is really very little that anyone can do to 'fix' our current challenge. But those small things - txts, msgs, notes, really do affirm that I am not in the battle alone. Scary is being invisible. Scary is getting lost in the darkness of the valley that we to walk the family through.
5. Special treats: Lets be honest. Starbucks on the way to the psychiatrist makes the trip a little easier..and I spend a lot of time in the psychiatrists and counselors offices these days. Thanks to my friends Rick and Heather who met that need over night - they heard the cry.....OUT OF COFFEEE! And understood the petty but real need. They lit a lantern for me and lowered it over the ledge and into the darkness of the valley that I need to walk through.....if that lantern holds a Frappuccino and is inscribed with the words "I will hold the Christ light for you...in the night time of your fear" then they have done something. More than something they have lit one step along the journey.
No one needs to panic over us - I promise that the children are all snug in their beds. The cat is curled up at my neck and the sun is rising over us. God's mercy is new every morning and this day, this season and this phase of our life is not a surprise to Him. It is simply the next piece of our journey and today we will do the next thing - take the next breath - kiss the next child - and find our way through this. Which is all I need to do - tomorrow will come soon enough and then we will deal with whatever it brings. For now we will play in the water when the sun shines and watch for the lanterns in the darkness........and we will make it to the other side together.