At first glance this shadow might seem a little creepy. The figure has two sharp looking scythe things in it's hands and is holding them in a threatening manner. In reality it's a 44 year old woman in a skirt and stocking cap trying to learn how to twirl her ssahng nat's before class next week. The medical journey I have been taking over the past few weeks has been a lot like this. At first glance a little uncomfortable and scary - shoot just having the word 'stroke' associated with my life is enough to snap my head around and make me pay attention. As the days have unfolded and we have tested and evaluated various parts of my body I have come to understand my own fear a little more. It's not that I am afraid of dying. I'm actually ok with that and totally trust that when the number of my days has passed heaven is real. What I am afraid of is the shadow things - the pain - the suffering- the helplessness that can come when our bodies are not functioning well. Just putting it into words helps me see it for what it is. It's me being afraid that I wont see the same God who is real every day if the waters get deeper. I'm afraid that God wont be enough.
Which is me focusing on all the wrong things.
And it's really silly of me......
God is God regardless of what happens in my life.
God is God in the hard things .......and the harder ones.
I know that.
Instead of being afraid of what-ifs and maybe's
I need to focus on what is really there.
Who's afraid of a middle age woman in a skirt who can't twirl her weapons?
and if I am not afraid of death why should I fear the path that eventually will lead me there?