2012 is all about learning a new way to dance. It's like I'm hearing Salsa for the first time and wondering if moving to those unfamiliar rhythms will ever become natural to my 40-something body. This year is learning to dance with more partners and to find joy in the complex pattern of our unfolding life..beginning with the small things.
Small like today - I took the oldest 10 swimming at the Community Center with our homeschool co-op. For the first time I also took along two volunteer PCA's to help - sort of a trial run into our new world where we need to add in extra dance partners in order to keep everyone safe.
It was awesome.
Yeah.
12 years posing as the Lone Ranger - doing the impossible - went up in smoke as I realized how the right PCA's or helpers can become my spare hands allowing me to love my kids even better because I don't have to do EVERY...SINGLE....STINKING (35,000 diapers later).......THING from 8-5 every day. (Not that my teens don't help - they are amazing - but we are talking a bit more than they should need to carry here.)
Call me slow.
But I really bought into the 'you wanted to do this..you should be able to do it without help...or else you should not have done it' line of logic. Really? (Slap myself upside the head.) Really? One person should be able to manage all of the needs of all of these great special needs kids without help...why? Because mental/behavioral disabilities are really no big deal (insert hysterical laughter here) because it's better to not ask for help because that somehow is failure.
This new dance is complex. Since October I have navigated the first floor of the county system and discovered that my six years of college (thanks mom and dad!) serve me well but haven't prepared me to enjoy the slow shuffle of a large bureaucracy.
But I'm learning.
And I am thankful to Madeleine and Christi who joined the water ballet today and helped move us one step closer to understanding how this new season can be a joyful celebration. Even as we struggle to learn so many new dances - ones we never dreamt of needing but following the bracing music of heaven as we learn each step.
7 comments:
Good for you for getting help! You think it would be easier to do than it is, but we are not good at asking for help. Have fun dancing!
Amen, sister :)!
I am so happy to hear you say this! I didn't learn soon enough, I'm sad to say. It really does affect your relationship with some of the kids when you cannot make yourself ask for help. Unfortunately, when we did ask for some intensive services for my son, I only found resistance and very unhelpful people so it just intensified my feelings of needing to do it all on my own - big mistake as well. We live and learn though and I am trying to help others now the way I always needed it.
That's awesome, Dorothy. May you all enjoy the new dance and partners!
Golly, it must be a family trait: I have a HORRIBLE time asking for help. More power to you, that is AWESOME!!!
Love this...beginning to dance here too...and still struggling with that same notion of "I should be able to do this myself"..thanks for being a few steps ahead of me in the dance so you can teach me and many others how to start!
Dorothy, I lurk, I confess it. But you are my virtual expert on FASD. Recently, we moved to CA and I am looking to homeschool my older 3 bio kiddos. Our baby, isn't much of a baby at all and will be starting kindergarten in the fall. I am just not sure I can homeschool this lil FASDer and my older kids. I am also skeptical she will succeed in public schools-and I am weary of dealing with them, frankly. So as a mom who is further down the road in this invisible disabilities journey what is your advice? How do you make HS semi-sane. Have you used tutors? Are PSAs a Minnesota thing, or could I find one in my neck of the woods. Can title 4-e subsidy help cover costs?
I have gotten the question, "how do you do it?" as a thin disguise for the real question, " why would you do choose to do it?" often. So, I know the question can chafe, but in this case it is sincere: how do you do it. Because we will be where you soon.
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