Friday, December 30, 2011
BSecure On Line......
Laughing hysterically here....I have been out on Facebook catching up on some of my girlfriends and my text alerts from bsecure are going ape. It's good - and it's funny. For us this program works well - I'm not sure how useful it will be once my teens are regularly on Facebook and other sites but wow do I love getting a text any time one of our electronic devices trys to access something on our watch list. For this season it's a great answer to restricting access to p**n and violence. Best thing? It's cheap!
FASD: Stepping Over The Caregiver Line......
Even though FASD has affected our life directly for 12 years none of our kids had a diagnosis until early in 2009. It wasn't that we didn't know there were issues or that we were denying we needed help, it was simply a lack of knowledge equally shared between us and our primary medical providers. We were all simply ignorant and as a team we have been on a pretty steep learning curve in the three years since that first diagnosis.
I started my learning with technical definitions and a medical understanding.......what alcohol can do to unborn babies and how that damage is manifest.
Then I moved on to diagnosis....determining which of our children fell within the FASD spectrum and which ones did not.
At which point we started learning what FASD meant to each affected individual in our family....where IQ's fell, behaviors, thoughts, aptitudes and what particular gifts were wrapped up in each one.
And then I realized that I only had one side of the story.
My side.
Drat.
I caught myself doing it again.
So far this journey has been mostly about me.
I have invested most of my energy learning how I can parent, support, encourage, teach, train, and equip my kids with FASD's.
But I haven't stopped to figure out the other side.
The reality of waking up every morning with FASD.
The challenge of living every day with a brain that wont do what other people do so easily.
The frustration of trying so hard and failing so often.
I had lots of book knowledge and care education - but very little understanding of what it meant to have FASD and I was honestly (at some level) trying to avoid that side of the issue.
Which isn't pretty to admit to.
But it's the truth.
I didn't want to know how hard it was for my kids- my own hard seemed plenty tough - and theirs had to be tougher. Denial was working for me....until I was reminded again that this isn't about me. Crap.
In response this winter I am committed to stepping over the caregiver line and trying to develop an understanding and appreciation of what life is like for those with FASD. I'm starting with the easy part - books. This week it's Liz Klup's Braided Cord. As an adult with FASD Liz is painfully honest (as are the rest of her support team) but that's what I need. I need to know how it 'feels' to be a person with FASD - what the world looks and tastes and sounds like. Not that Liz is the end all of 'what it means to have FASD' but she is an adult who has found the words to describe what I can only look at from the outside.
I started my learning with technical definitions and a medical understanding.......what alcohol can do to unborn babies and how that damage is manifest.
Then I moved on to diagnosis....determining which of our children fell within the FASD spectrum and which ones did not.
At which point we started learning what FASD meant to each affected individual in our family....where IQ's fell, behaviors, thoughts, aptitudes and what particular gifts were wrapped up in each one.
And then I realized that I only had one side of the story.
My side.
Drat.
I caught myself doing it again.
So far this journey has been mostly about me.
I have invested most of my energy learning how I can parent, support, encourage, teach, train, and equip my kids with FASD's.
But I haven't stopped to figure out the other side.
The reality of waking up every morning with FASD.
The challenge of living every day with a brain that wont do what other people do so easily.
The frustration of trying so hard and failing so often.
I had lots of book knowledge and care education - but very little understanding of what it meant to have FASD and I was honestly (at some level) trying to avoid that side of the issue.
Which isn't pretty to admit to.
But it's the truth.
I didn't want to know how hard it was for my kids- my own hard seemed plenty tough - and theirs had to be tougher. Denial was working for me....until I was reminded again that this isn't about me. Crap.
In response this winter I am committed to stepping over the caregiver line and trying to develop an understanding and appreciation of what life is like for those with FASD. I'm starting with the easy part - books. This week it's Liz Klup's Braided Cord. As an adult with FASD Liz is painfully honest (as are the rest of her support team) but that's what I need. I need to know how it 'feels' to be a person with FASD - what the world looks and tastes and sounds like. Not that Liz is the end all of 'what it means to have FASD' but she is an adult who has found the words to describe what I can only look at from the outside.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Double Stroller To Share........
Since we don't have a new baby this year my twin Graco has sat unused for the past six months. I like this one for the 0-24 month range and since Laughter is now two (with no younger kids in sight) I can't see a need to store it.
It is about a year old and will fit behind the fourth row in a 15 pass van - the seats are a little stained but I have a brand new set of seat covers that Graco sent me when one of the seat belts broke. A few minutes with a screw driver and this will look like brand new. Here is the same one on amazon if you want to see what other people think of it. I think it was useful for a particular season but now that the boys are bigger I am more likely to use the Bob that Julie shared with us last summer.
I would prefer to share this with someone local as shipping would be expensive.
Do you need it next?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Trying To Play The Wrong Way.......
Within our FASD crew there seems to be a common challenge where they are honestly trying to engage in positive group play but choose a method of engagement that almost always fails. Examples seem to look like this:
1. Wanting to join a football game in the alley so they rush into the middle of the game, grab the football and run down the street hoping everyone else will chase them.
2. Wanting to wrestle - so they run up behind someone who's quietly sitting on the floor and crash into their unprepared back.
3. Wanting to toss the ball so they take the ball and throw it at someone.....which just might leave the unsuspecting playmate with excruciating pain and a broken nose. (yeah - that was me.)
All three examples are considered normal within the realm of kid behavior - problems which a little peer pressure, careful discipline and experience tend to sort out fairly quickly for an average person. For those with cause/effect comprehension issues, ADHD, ADS, impulsivity, FASD and a plethora of other challenges these simple lessons pose a different situation entirely and we have our own phrase to describe it. We call it 'trying to play the wrong way,' and in action it looks like this............
The child who broke my nose with the softball wasn't being bad - and she didn't need a lecture and or discipline. What she needed (once I could see straight again) was a hug because she was scared by my response to her attempt to play toss (yelling and grabbing my face) and a reminder that that was 'trying to play the wrong way' and that it 'would work better to use words before bodies' the next time.
This was a hard concept for me to figure out - how to bend my own thinking so that I could possibly imagine that these troublesome behaviors might not be intentional provocation or naughtiness on their part - but that they might just be a disconnect between what they wanted and where they ended up. My daughter didn't need a spanking/scolding/consequence when she broke my nose - she needed my help to figure out what had gone wrong in her plan.
In reality, embracing this concept dealt another serious blow to my well-loved traditional parenting methods - the same methods which had worked with our neurotypical kids were worthless and even harmful for those who's brains process differently. Not to say that there are not days when certain kids are not out looking to stir up trouble and dissent...but the logic and emotion behind their behaviors is usually at it's root, based in something different.
1. Wanting to join a football game in the alley so they rush into the middle of the game, grab the football and run down the street hoping everyone else will chase them.
2. Wanting to wrestle - so they run up behind someone who's quietly sitting on the floor and crash into their unprepared back.
3. Wanting to toss the ball so they take the ball and throw it at someone.....which just might leave the unsuspecting playmate with excruciating pain and a broken nose. (yeah - that was me.)
All three examples are considered normal within the realm of kid behavior - problems which a little peer pressure, careful discipline and experience tend to sort out fairly quickly for an average person. For those with cause/effect comprehension issues, ADHD, ADS, impulsivity, FASD and a plethora of other challenges these simple lessons pose a different situation entirely and we have our own phrase to describe it. We call it 'trying to play the wrong way,' and in action it looks like this............
The child who broke my nose with the softball wasn't being bad - and she didn't need a lecture and or discipline. What she needed (once I could see straight again) was a hug because she was scared by my response to her attempt to play toss (yelling and grabbing my face) and a reminder that that was 'trying to play the wrong way' and that it 'would work better to use words before bodies' the next time.
This was a hard concept for me to figure out - how to bend my own thinking so that I could possibly imagine that these troublesome behaviors might not be intentional provocation or naughtiness on their part - but that they might just be a disconnect between what they wanted and where they ended up. My daughter didn't need a spanking/scolding/consequence when she broke my nose - she needed my help to figure out what had gone wrong in her plan.
In reality, embracing this concept dealt another serious blow to my well-loved traditional parenting methods - the same methods which had worked with our neurotypical kids were worthless and even harmful for those who's brains process differently. Not to say that there are not days when certain kids are not out looking to stir up trouble and dissent...but the logic and emotion behind their behaviors is usually at it's root, based in something different.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sweet Moments......
Speed's first guitar lesson was last week.
It was so good to see him tackle something new with an 'I can do it!' attitude.
.
Christmas 2011....Full Circle on The Colorado Experience.
Christmas this year brings the Colorado story full circle. A year ago this week Dearest was offered a position in Minnesota and we realized that our stay in Colorado was more of a sabbatical rather than a long-term piece of our life story. As a family that is committed to doing 'hard things' which stretch our kids I can say it was good to live through the experience. As a mom I can say THANK YOU GOD it's over -and we all survived!
Christmas this year wasn't as calm and peace filled as I would have chosen. The month of December was overflowing with necessary doctors visits and the hundred tiny stresses which come when I don't have all the supports in place to make our life predictable, focused and calm - but I can see and feel the settling occurring as I wiggle each of the remaining pieces into place.
Here are a few photos of our celebration this year.....quiet, low key and above all a sinking back into the exact place where we belong.
Kudu was my helper at the Police Officers Christmas Eve Dinner. He did great as we prepped, served and cleaned up dinner for the officers who need to work through the holiday.
Weapons were a theme this year with the male part of the crew....
Dearest found a three man sling shot and a pack of angry birds stuffed toys under the tree which immediately were put to use in the alley.
While the older boys fascination with swords was satisfied through Vision Forum's high impact resin ones....
And the younger four boys gun -battle needs were met with soft rubber ammunition and a freestanding target.
The baby was thrilled that there was (and still is) an overabundance of gum in the house ......
The 'Right' Way To Parent Kids With FASD....
(Note: This is a repost of what I wrote a year ago in the hills of Colorado. I'm wanting to end this 'growing' year with FASD on a postitive note so I am going back and reminding myself of where we have been and where we are heading....)
Isn't that a catchy post title? I'm sure that all my friends who have experience parenting kids with prebirth exposure issues are laughing their heads off right now because they know where this is headed....and those who haven't quite hit the parenting wall with their FASD kiddos or who don't actually have any affected kids are waiting for the magic answer. Well here it is.
I think that the right way to parent kids with FASD is......
By the seat of my pants,
with all tenacity to a single thought
'I don't care what you do...we are in this together.'
Burn my house down,
steal my car,
scream,
cry,
wherever you live,
whatever you do,
I am beside you.
my own knife drawn,
my back to the wall,
you are not alone.
I will parent you..
within the safety of a community who cares,
with my teeth sunk deep into
the doctors,
and teachers,
and police officers,
and friends....
who know you.
At the end of my rope,
Because that is often where I live,
And on my face
Before a living God
Who knows what it means
to live
and love
and walk through your painfilled life.
Understanding that there is no
'right' way
no magic cure
no trick
to parenting kids with FASD.
It's about being there
and being real
and holding tight
and leaning a new flexibility
that no one ever taught us.
And most of the world
will never need to understand.
It's about survival
and hope.
It's about treasuring you exactly where you are
and finding ways to help you absorb that truth.
Deep into your hearts
so on the hard days
you wont believe the lies
Isn't that a catchy post title? I'm sure that all my friends who have experience parenting kids with prebirth exposure issues are laughing their heads off right now because they know where this is headed....and those who haven't quite hit the parenting wall with their FASD kiddos or who don't actually have any affected kids are waiting for the magic answer. Well here it is.
I think that the right way to parent kids with FASD is......
By the seat of my pants,
with all tenacity to a single thought
'I don't care what you do...we are in this together.'
Burn my house down,
steal my car,
scream,
cry,
wherever you live,
whatever you do,
I am beside you.
my own knife drawn,
my back to the wall,
you are not alone.
I will parent you..
within the safety of a community who cares,
with my teeth sunk deep into
the doctors,
and teachers,
and police officers,
and friends....
who know you.
At the end of my rope,
Because that is often where I live,
And on my face
Before a living God
Who knows what it means
to live
and love
and walk through your painfilled life.
Understanding that there is no
'right' way
no magic cure
no trick
to parenting kids with FASD.
It's about being there
and being real
and holding tight
and leaning a new flexibility
that no one ever taught us.
And most of the world
will never need to understand.
It's about survival
and hope.
It's about treasuring you exactly where you are
and finding ways to help you absorb that truth.
Deep into your hearts
so on the hard days
you wont believe the lies
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Do You See What I See........
My monster pot boiling 12lbs of potatoes!
Which wasn't possible until this afternoon
when a friend from church
purchased and installed a new stove for our family!
I am...
Humbled.
Thankful.
Overwhelmed.
That our friend, his wife and his sister love us enough
to solve this silly stove problem.
Thrilled.
That they came and hung out with us last night
without calling ahead.
Walked right into the post bath chaos of our real life
and settled in for a visit -
instead of hurrying away.
And that today
I watched as he unveiled the exciting
novelty of a 'door' and a 'light' both in the oven.
To my three youngest sons.
Filling a portion of the Grandpa gap
that echoes in our life.
Grateful.
To be loved exactly where we are at.
Holiday Preperations........
Cookie baking is in full swing in our house - three types yesterday filled trays that are now safely stashed in the freezer for the Police Officers Christmas Eve Dinner and to share after church on Sunday. Another few batches are planned for general snacking today and then I think we need to be done since the butter supply is almost gone.
With so many details to manage my time has been extra short this year and I have been stacking the holiday shopping in the pantry for wrapping. Laughter (who's 2 today!) discovered the fun of using those nice boxes to access the snack cupboard and the excitement of the Terrible Two's are well underway.
On a side note - I was surprised at the shipping choice one of my retailers chose for the package which arrived yesterday. The Bosu ball came in it's original packaging with a shipping label pasted to the front - In the end it worked out fine as we have too much excitement and nervous energy in the house right now and the bouncing helps. But please...the week before Christmas a little brown paper might have been considered. :) 
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Looking For The 'Perfect' Large Family Stove?
Thanks all you shopping friends! Over the weekend our Amazon Associates account showed that we have 'earned' $111 by you starting your Amazon shopping through the link on our right sidebar. I was excited by that and did the dangerous thing - a little stove window shopping at the Sears Outlet. It was good - I found the perfect stove setup for a family our size and it was bad - for the exact same reason.
Here's a test - can you see what is difference is with this burner configuration from the standard 5 burner setup?
It's probably not fair to those who don't cook with several 20/16/12 quart pots at a time so here's an explanation of the situation.
Big pots have several problems:
1. They are uber heavy when full and grate sliding is a danger when removing them.
2. They are too wide and its hard to get even heating on a pot that sits 50% off to the side of a burner.
3. Because they are too big the front burners are too dangerous....duh...hanging over the front is bad.
4. Bringing a huge pot to a boil is often impossible or at the least a tediously long process. Many stoves (like my current one) don't have the BTU's to do it.
Do you see how all of these issue are resolved with this burner setup?
Probably not because your hands are not all over it like mine were so I will give you a little tour....
Problem #1 - grate shifting. This stove top has three separate sections which pin together and create one solid (aka almost unmovable) surface. No more superheated grates sliding toward my body as I shift 20 quarts of boiling sauce off the burner.
Problem #2 - Pots too wide for even heating. The left hand 'griddle' burner can be lit in conjunction with the rear left one and you end up with an elongated 'double' burner for those monster pots. Yes - other stoves have this but it's in the center position rather than the left and makes the other four burners useless. I took in my three largest pots and all three of them fit and could be used at once with this
Problem #3 - Front burners are dangerous. Still an issue - but with the setup for the left side there isn't the need to use them as often.
Problem #4 - Tedious boiling. It has a high btu burner which isn't unusual in a newer gas stove - it's just important as our days become more busy.
Bonus points for this range....it has a 'true' full sized convection oven plus a lower drawer style one which heats separately up to 450' and is deep enough to hold two large casserole dishes. Not necessary by any means but I can see some use to it.
Of course this is all speculation on my part...I'm not looking for 'perfect' in my life and I certainly don't need an expensive stove like this one. I have been cooking on a traditional four burner stove since 1995 and wouldn't truly need to replace ours except that parts are no longer available and something breaks about every six months...which should hit about April. This is simply some fun window shopping and even at the Sears Outlet this particular one was $1300 (down from $2300 because it had a scratch.) Not that I will pass it over it I find one on Craigslist for $600....but it is so well designed for big-family cooking I wanted to share it with you. (Here's the link if you are a large family looking for something like this.)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Praying Over You.....
4:37am - I'm wide awake while the rest of the house sleeps. Words and thoughts and plans are jamming my brain but I am unable to face the mess that is my kitchen counter. I think I will pull on my parka, go sort a corner of the basement...and invest the time in prayer. Know that if you are reading this you have been prayed over this Monday morning.
I love you in Jesus~ may His blessing overwhelm you as your day begins.
d
I love you in Jesus~ may His blessing overwhelm you as your day begins.
d
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Sensory Needs...Every Morning.....
Friday, December 16, 2011
Consistant Linear Progress - If Only In One Part Of Life!
 |
| Speed receiving his Red belt as siblings watch... |
Last night nine of us received our Red belts at TKD. It's has been good for the eight oldest kids and I to focus on a single goal together - the sequential, predictable progress through the color ranks toward our Black belts has helped bring success to those who struggle and opportunity to those who excel. Red is the last step before we test again for the Black Recommended and then Black Decided. With good team work and some serious effort we may all be Decided Black belts by mid summer. A milestone for each of us.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
2011's FASD Crisis: Making Us Stronger and Less Afraid...
2010 and 2011 turned out to be all about moving and clarifying several of our more murky diagnosis - 2012 seems to be focusing in on settling down and positioning our family for the next exciting phase of the journey. Between now and the New Year I can see the last few pieces of our medical and psychological support team pulling together as well as the county assistance help being approved and set into place.
This is an amazing crossroads to stand at.
On one hand I am looking back into the easy (insert inappropriate giggle) years of parenting preschool and grade school age kids with FASD's (which makes me enjoy our younger FASD crew all the more) while at the same time looking forward with an amazing sense of relief into the more turbulent FASD teen years - smiling to myself because I know that we now have stronger supports and a more realistic view of where we are headed.
In 2011 we have gone through our first major FASD crisis's - behavioral, psychological, medical, and educational - truly all at one time and now that we have our feet in the deep end of the pool it isn't quite as scary as I had thought. Perhaps it's the last layers of pretense or denial being wiped away as we have finally passed through the necessary stages of grief, anger and despair and it has slowly dawned on us what the true cost is of exposing unborn children to alcohol is and how it has changed our family forever.
Life hasn't gotten any easier along the journey this year (to be honest - on a few days I was actually sobbing in the corner of the Target Starbucks while my pharmacy friends filled yet another round of failing medication trials and I knew I had to go home and face the utter chaos of my home without pausing to take another breath) In hindsight I can see the plan pulling together and the pieces falling into place for the next season. A hard season to be sure - but one with the structure to weather it in the best way possible. Which to my oh-so-compulsive hyper organized brain is a cause for extreme celebration....bring on the New Year!
This is an amazing crossroads to stand at.
On one hand I am looking back into the easy (insert inappropriate giggle) years of parenting preschool and grade school age kids with FASD's (which makes me enjoy our younger FASD crew all the more) while at the same time looking forward with an amazing sense of relief into the more turbulent FASD teen years - smiling to myself because I know that we now have stronger supports and a more realistic view of where we are headed.
In 2011 we have gone through our first major FASD crisis's - behavioral, psychological, medical, and educational - truly all at one time and now that we have our feet in the deep end of the pool it isn't quite as scary as I had thought. Perhaps it's the last layers of pretense or denial being wiped away as we have finally passed through the necessary stages of grief, anger and despair and it has slowly dawned on us what the true cost is of exposing unborn children to alcohol is and how it has changed our family forever.
Life hasn't gotten any easier along the journey this year (to be honest - on a few days I was actually sobbing in the corner of the Target Starbucks while my pharmacy friends filled yet another round of failing medication trials and I knew I had to go home and face the utter chaos of my home without pausing to take another breath) In hindsight I can see the plan pulling together and the pieces falling into place for the next season. A hard season to be sure - but one with the structure to weather it in the best way possible. Which to my oh-so-compulsive hyper organized brain is a cause for extreme celebration....bring on the New Year!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday Morning Winners........
Morning! The 'winners' kid picked this morning (by the oh-so-scientific method of choosing comment numbers) are:
Blessed wins the DVD
MKFlickner wins the gift certificate from Blue Behemoth
And what of the Vision Forum Gift certificate? Over the weekend it fell into the spiraling black hole where socks go...when it resurfaces we will notify the winner and send it off!
Congratulations to both of you - please email me your contact into and I will drop them into the mail ASAP.
Blessed wins the DVD
MKFlickner wins the gift certificate from Blue Behemoth
And what of the Vision Forum Gift certificate? Over the weekend it fell into the spiraling black hole where socks go...when it resurfaces we will notify the winner and send it off!
Congratulations to both of you - please email me your contact into and I will drop them into the mail ASAP.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Um...You Were Born on The 10th or the 11th....
Soar was born in a hurry nine years ago at our local hospital emergency room. Documenting his midnight arrival was complicated by a broken clock and frantic resident who hadn't delivered a baby before. In the end all was well but there has always been a little confusion about exactly when his birthday is. 
Soar has a passion for all things stuffed and this year his longings involved a 'big' bear (check) and a sea turtle (thanks Nanee!) It was a bit of a chore to sneak the bear into his bed over night but in the end he didn't discover that someone else was sleeping there until his siblings woke him up in the morning. Good to have sisters who can help carry your stuffed animals..............The girls also made homemade Cinnamon rolls for him and we spent the day enjoying the warm house, fluffy friends and ended with an amazingly successful family dinner at Qcumbers and a showing of Star Wars.
Happy birthday Soar - you are a wonderful son and I really like everything that makes you, you!
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Look At That... :)
Wow - I just 'earned' the first $5.26 through your linking over to Amazon by the Urban Servant/Amazon search box. It's a very simple system - for every purchase that is made by a customer who arrived through our link we are credited 4% of the purchase price. Which is making me laugh as this is the first income attributed to my name in 15.5 years. Thanks to all of you - it's been a long week and the simple fact that I earned $5, is making me smile as I gear up for Sunday. My favorite and potentially most complex day of the week.
Shhhh....Anyone Want a Copy of This DVD? (Reposted with two more things to share!)
With our last Vision Forum order we received a free copy of The League of Grateful Sons DVD which is an inspiring piece of the Faith of our Fathers Project. We already own this great DVD and I would like to forward this copy on to another family....Laughter will pick the winner on Sunday night so I can get it into the mail Monday morning. Comment here or on face book to be entered - no strings attached!
I'm re posting this - same timeline - but I am adding a $10 gift certificate for Vision Forum and a $50 digital download one for BlueBehemoth. Let me know if you would like to be blessed by any of the three above items - we received them all free with our Vision Forum order - Remember - Laughter can't pick your name Sunday night if it isn't on the list!
I'm re posting this - same timeline - but I am adding a $10 gift certificate for Vision Forum and a $50 digital download one for BlueBehemoth. Let me know if you would like to be blessed by any of the three above items - we received them all free with our Vision Forum order - Remember - Laughter can't pick your name Sunday night if it isn't on the list!
FASD: A Study On Reducing Secondary Disabilities....
Next week we have our first meeting with the public health nurse and in preparation I have been upping my knowledge base on the therapies and practices which have been found successful in supporting persons with FASD's. At the Motherisk.org site I found a study that was done in Canada evaluating the elements which contribute to success in the lives of diagnosed individuals. Here is the basic summary................
"Eight factors were found to decrease the likelihood of nearly all the secondary disabilities. From strongest to weakest, these "universal" protective factors were; living in a stable and nurturing home for over 72% of life, being diagnosed before the age of 6 years, never having experienced violence against oneself, staying in each living situation for an average of more than 2.8 years, experiencing a good quality home from age 8 to 12 years, having applied for and been found eligible for supports from the Division of Developmental Disabilities,
having a diagnosis of FAS (rather than FAE), and having basic needs met for at least 13% of life. These findings suggest that with appropriate interventions, it may be possible to reduce the rate of secondary disabilities among those with FASD..................." The rest of the study is here.
I admit that reading this portion of the study gave me great hope for our kids. Not that they will grow up and be 'cured' - this is still a permanent disability - but that everything we have been instinctively doing to protect them such as limiting their exposure to violence, aggressively pursuing accurate diagnosis and (now) applying for help through the larger systems - has been shown to help reduce secondary disabilities in persons with FASD's over the long haul.
Because no matter how hard I try to manage our daily lives I always need to keep an eye to the future.
"Eight factors were found to decrease the likelihood of nearly all the secondary disabilities. From strongest to weakest, these "universal" protective factors were; living in a stable and nurturing home for over 72% of life, being diagnosed before the age of 6 years, never having experienced violence against oneself, staying in each living situation for an average of more than 2.8 years, experiencing a good quality home from age 8 to 12 years, having applied for and been found eligible for supports from the Division of Developmental Disabilities,
having a diagnosis of FAS (rather than FAE), and having basic needs met for at least 13% of life. These findings suggest that with appropriate interventions, it may be possible to reduce the rate of secondary disabilities among those with FASD..................." The rest of the study is here.
I admit that reading this portion of the study gave me great hope for our kids. Not that they will grow up and be 'cured' - this is still a permanent disability - but that everything we have been instinctively doing to protect them such as limiting their exposure to violence, aggressively pursuing accurate diagnosis and (now) applying for help through the larger systems - has been shown to help reduce secondary disabilities in persons with FASD's over the long haul.
Because no matter how hard I try to manage our daily lives I always need to keep an eye to the future.
Ever Wonder What We Do For Entertainment?
Last night we played a home-made version of the computer based game Angry Birds. Rather, they played while I laughed myself silly and tried to coach them into building shorter towers. (This one was about 4 feet tall.)
Friday, December 9, 2011
Two High Points For This Day..............
Urban wildlife on our block......Don't you think wild turkeys are a little strange in dt Minneapolis? The sight made our whole crew roar with laughter.....
And sensory satisfaction for me...another 50+ pieces of Fiesta off of Craigslist (thanks Sandra - it was nice to meet you!) Tomorrow I deep six the nasty collection of plastic bowls and horrid green garage sale plates and fully appreciate the change back to 'grown up' dishes. Not that they are 'safe' with our crew - I'm just remembering how to find pleasure in small things and my table settings are one of them,
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Homeschooling the Crew: Spelling....
There is no 'best program' for teaching spelling in our particular homeschooling world - no standardized set of curriculum for teaching kids with FASD's, LD's, dyslexia, depression, ADHD and IQ's all over the spectrum.
This morning was a particular challenge as Madeleine and I worked with three different spelling programs at the same table with six of the kids.
The one who lives for worksheets and needs help with mental flexibility was doing Sequential spelling, the one who can't sit still for two minutes was working with All About Spelling and the four who are in the middle of the pack all tackled their next list under Spell to Write and Read. It was literally a three ring circus and by the time we were done, taking the younger nine out to Pizza Hut for free pizza under our Bookit program coupons sounded relatively easy.
I added the Amazon links here as sort of a test of the Amazon Associates program. What that means is if you link out to Amazon from this page and make a purchase then we receive a small referral fee. Which just might help with the costs of all our homeschool materials. :) I will let you know how it works - I was always curious!
This morning was a particular challenge as Madeleine and I worked with three different spelling programs at the same table with six of the kids.
The one who lives for worksheets and needs help with mental flexibility was doing Sequential spelling, the one who can't sit still for two minutes was working with All About Spelling and the four who are in the middle of the pack all tackled their next list under Spell to Write and Read. It was literally a three ring circus and by the time we were done, taking the younger nine out to Pizza Hut for free pizza under our Bookit program coupons sounded relatively easy.
I added the Amazon links here as sort of a test of the Amazon Associates program. What that means is if you link out to Amazon from this page and make a purchase then we receive a small referral fee. Which just might help with the costs of all our homeschool materials. :) I will let you know how it works - I was always curious!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Birthday Twins.....
Yesterday Willow turned eight. She is sporting freshly pierced ears and made the now expected stop at the cosmetic counter for a sample of lip gloss. (I'm laughing at how far we have fallen from our original parenting thoughts on such things. :) Though she would have chosen a horse for her bithday (do you see the 'hint') - earrings were a close and very acceptable second. Willow is an amazing girl - she is tender beyond my own understanding and as the leader of the younger girls takes her role very seriously. (A/E if you are reading this she is beautiful inside and out!)
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| Willow and her birthday 'twin' |
Many of you know that I like numbers and this is one of my favorite weeks of the year - until we celebrarate the next set of birthdays I have two eight year olds and two six year olds. Once the birthdays pass we will back into sequential order 6,7,8,9 - but for now I am reminded of the overwhelming blessings of the season in our life when every December brought with it a new addition to our family.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Siren's Call........
The holiday season is challenging for our family. Of all the times of the year it's when the siren's call for 'normal' pulls hardest at my heart. Of course it does. The last thing that Satan or the world wants to hear from us this month is that we are delighted in our Savior, that we are thrilled to be parenting everyone of our children, seeking new ways to embrace their individual challenges and looking forward with eagerness to the day this life will end. No - those statements make many people uncomfortable. Seat squirmingly , finger wagging, judgementally uptight because they see so many 'good' people investing all their energy in achieving a moderate, lukewarm life structured on personal security and a desire to not offend. But then there is us - one big mess of a family. No longer hiding our challenges because they might make other people feel guilty, never pretending that things are easy and always, always, seeking to know more about the God who called us out of darkness - believing in our deepest hearts that our worst crime is not offending man but not trusting the God of the Universe.
Which makes me say.......
My life is hardest
When I listen to the siren's call.
The whispers,
murmurs
and cries
of everything that the
lukewarm,
half dead,
endlessly seeking
World
has to offer.
When I begin to agree
that I have a right
to my own space,
my own time,
my own definition,
my own limits on what I will
and will not do in the name of love.
When I am drawn to the 'I'
instead of the 'I am'
and lose the reality
that this life is not everything.
When I fear death -
and fail to believe
that the cross
was the end of judgment
for me.
When I forget that judgement is behind me,
not before me.
That I'm free
to see the hard things
as blessings,
the painful things
as transitions,
and the heart breaking things
as momentary.
When I listen to the sirens call.
Choosing to sink into the soft,
engulfing,
blankness.
Of moderation.
Following the whisper
that says
don't care so much,
don't speak so loudly,
don't make people uncomfortable.
I am steering my heart
into chaos.
Because it's backward.
When I stop weeping
and loving
and crying out into the darkness
for the one who is lost.
That is when I
have become a siren
myself.
Luring others by my example
to choose the wide path
the easy road
the way that says
there is no God.
Which makes me say.......
My life is hardest
When I listen to the siren's call.
The whispers,
murmurs
and cries
of everything that the
lukewarm,
half dead,
endlessly seeking
World
has to offer.
When I begin to agree
that I have a right
to my own space,
my own time,
my own definition,
my own limits on what I will
and will not do in the name of love.
When I am drawn to the 'I'
instead of the 'I am'
and lose the reality
that this life is not everything.
When I fear death -
and fail to believe
that the cross
was the end of judgment
for me.
When I forget that judgement is behind me,
not before me.
That I'm free
to see the hard things
as blessings,
the painful things
as transitions,
and the heart breaking things
as momentary.
When I listen to the sirens call.
Choosing to sink into the soft,
engulfing,
blankness.
Of moderation.
Following the whisper
that says
don't care so much,
don't speak so loudly,
don't make people uncomfortable.
I am steering my heart
into chaos.
Because it's backward.
When I stop weeping
and loving
and crying out into the darkness
for the one who is lost.
That is when I
have become a siren
myself.
Luring others by my example
to choose the wide path
the easy road
the way that says
there is no God.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Not To Freak Anyone Out.....
But in 5 weeks the tax geeks amongst us can start our 2011 tax returns! Wahoo! Even with the trauma of our IRS audit this year my heart still beats a little quicker when I think of those tidy columns of numbers I get to sort, file and organize to my hearts content. The best news is that I feel so free because we no longer have the adoption credit carry forward to try and correctly compute and since the worst has happened (we were audited, accused of fraud and taken through the whole process) I already have a handle on the game if we are called to the table again.
The real question at this point is will I use Turbo Tax again. Having learned of it's fallibility I admit to being a little hesitant....but it's a love-hate thing because I also know it well enough to see it's errors and work around them.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
And A Little Child...............
Shall eat all of the lunch meat and his 10 siblings will have none......
(That's my laugh for the day.)
I Have An Idea....(Here We Go AGAIN!)
Since then (your right - it's only been 4 days but my brain moves fast when I see an organizational challenge) I have been trying to figure out where/how we can add in more vestibular and sensory opportunities to the kids winter diet. Which led to the following idea.......We need to create a 'swing' space on the first floor. Madeleine is standing in the perfect and only good location for such activities - the french doorway leading out onto the porch. Of course I can't find a pre-made bracket for this application but I'm already dreaming up having one fabricated - I'm sure it's possible and I think that it may be a good answer to the spinning/crashing/climbing needs so many of our kiddos must have filled. I will let you know what I figure out on this one ...I am sure there are other families with tight space and a need for speed....
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