Lives Intertwined........

Even as our friends the Martindale's are gearing up for the beginning of their son's bone marrow transplant, we are watching for ways we can gather around them and help bear the weight of the next 4-6 months of their life.  The place they find themselves in is utterly unpredictable and absolutely overwhelming.   Because we know and love them, there is no way we can simply stand by and ignore their physical as well as their emotional and spiritual needs - we are called to live our messy lives together - to be intertwined on the hard days as well as the celebrations.

This week we started our side of the prep work with an online care-calender for meals (email me if you are in the cities and want to help in this way.) One of the huge challenges Mark and Julie will face over the next few months is the fact that she will be living at/near the hospital here in the cities and he will be living with the other kids 45 minutes away.  Which means that both will effectively be single parenting high needs kids in crisis.  Drat on that - and the worst thing (in my mind) is that no matter how stressful, exhausting, chaotic and scary each day of this season is....Mark still has to put food on the table for the larger crew three times a day.

So....as part of their support team, our hope is that two or three days a week we can help relieve the burden of getting  that food to the table.  In order to make this easier Steam modified the garage refrigerator today and installed it on the back porch of the Crowded House. (Locks to keep kids and hungry neighbors out...city life reality.)  This way meals (or portions of meals - these are easy people - a lasagna is great on it's own or a couple of pizzas) can be dropped off at our central location and Mark can pick them up or we can drive them out to the house as needed.

There is also room to be involved with this project if anyone wants to donate gift cards for take-out type meals on those days when he will be rushing around trying to single dad the crew.  They are a very flexible bunch with no food restrictions.  (I am also happy to take any cash donations and turn them into meals, since I might as well double everything I make and freeze it. )

Free American History Resources We Loved This Year.....

Laughter examining one of the last Picturing America prints.....

In our homeschool this year we used two free resources which added greatly to our regular study of modern American history.  The first was offered by the NEH - a study in the art history of America  called Picturing America.  It took us two years to work through the entire series but it was well worth the time we invested.   The second resource was a sequential American history DVD set called The Story of Us, offered for free through the History Channel.  Though there were portions of both which we didn't agree with personally, over all they were wonderful resources and helped us through this tough year of schooling in transition.

"No Change" Letter: The End of The Adoption Refund Road For Us....

Yesterday the 'letter' finally came telling us that the Tax Examination had ended on our 2010 tax filing and that this particular journey was officially over.  I am relieved to have it in hand, but admit to still feeling disappointed by the way the IRS has handled this entire Adoption Tax Credit/Refund situation.

Accidental Med's Trial......

Medication is an important part of our daily routine and I almost lost it yesterday when I realized I had packed one of my daughters RX's with the camping gear. 

I had three options: suffer with the consequences of an unmedicated seriously AHDH child (ummm...NO..I don't have the energy for that), drive to Target with the six littles in tow and beg our pharmacist for an extra day (harder than usual because she is on a tightly controlled substance), break into our safe box of extra RX's and try her on the higher dose that I have been toying with moving her up to. 

Medication management is sort of arbitrary - according to our doctors and the manufacturer she is on too low a dose to have any effect.  Except that it totally changes her world and makes life easier for everyone involved.  I went with option C, increased her medication to what is considered the lowest therapeutic dose and was happy with the results.  Today she is more settled, more controlled and as I watch her weave in and out of the little kids on a two wheeled bike so much less impulse driven than she has been lately.  It's not that we haven't tried this before - the last time (6 months ago) it was WAY too much for her.  This dose caused her to drool and spend her day in a total fog. 

I am glad I packed her meds and sent them away for the weekend - after spending years playing the 'lets try this, or this, or this' game I am tired of experiments and tend to wait too long before I am willing to try something new.  It's battle fatigue, exhaustion or simply a self defense mechanism that stops us from the eternal battle to find 'the perfect answer' (sort of like the perfect home school curriculum) to the challenges we are facing.

When Dad's Away.......It's Sushi For Breakfast

This weekend Daddy took the oldest five out as mosquito bait  -   another way to think about camping/fishing in Minnesota - which left me with the younger crew and a totally open schedule. 5:45am Saturday found us all up thanks to Laughter's early morning hissy over a lost pacifier and we decided on an adventure.

By 6:00 we were pottied, dressed and everyone had two shoes - two unmatching lefts for some...but two shoes was the ultimate goal.  In our neighborhood, we can head off in any direction and find something interesting - we chose to head to the post office, Home Depot (watching for a replacement plant for one we ran over with a bike) and the 'doughnut store,' known to the rest of us as the grocery.  Thankfully, all of them are open by 6:00am so it we grabbed our box of strawberries and started walking through the quiet streets.

The doughnuts were great - as were the sushi and coffee.  (As a Seattle girl I think sushi and coffee is perfectly reasonable for breakfast - the problem is that the kids agree and it's a little expensive if you don't have the COSTCO party tray on hand to do sushi for a crowd.)  Both sushi and doughnuts were banned on our GFCF diet - so having both was an absolute treat.  At  this point we are calling the past four months an excellent journey in exploring nutrition but haven't noticed the extreme reactions and results that some other families have.  Which is sad - I wish it was the 'answer' to some of our issues - but it wasn't a wasted experiment for sure! (Thanks to everyone who supported our efforts - you made it much more pleasant!)

 

After eating our breakfast on a bench we headed off to the park for an hour of play.  Of course by 8:00am I was ready for a nap and it was time for the rest of our neighborhood to start waking up.  The morning flew past with drop in visitors bringing bags of hand-me-down clothes and coffee to celebrate the end of our IRS journey and our offer on the Old House.

 Noon brought it's own excitement with the Brobergs coming over to help me get through the inspection of the Old House.  Patty watched the crew while Weldon and I walked through the house with Ryan (the current owner) - it was strange to see how little had changed in the 18 months since we moved out.

After naps we walked over to EJ's graduation party for friends, fun and food, and as the evening started to disintegrate roasted our neighbor Mary's last 18 marshmallows over her urban fire pit. This was the consolation prize for the little ones who didn't get to go camping.  It was funny to watch the particular hangups of each one unfold with the sticky smoky mess we were creating.  Note the handful of wipes protecting little hands from potential dirt in the bottom photo.

Any One Want To Know What Happened With The IRS?

Call me Chicken....but I have to admit I was hesitant to log into our bank account this morning, after more than four months of negative drama with the IRS I rightfully feared the worst.  After all, we have been analyzed to the nth degree on our adoptions, threatened with fines, given impossible time lines (three days to produce every cancelled check and bank statement for our last five adoptions is not reasonable in my book), then pools of silence followed by progressively less friendly phone calls and letters.  The worst part of the deal for me was that we have nothing to hide and though we were totally compliant with all of their bizarre requests for repeat copies, more documentation and crazy questions, they acted the whole time as if we were criminals trying to pull some sort of scam.

That's the part that hurts.  We filed a perfectly appropriate tax refund, under a law that was designed to help adoptive families and ended up spending $300 ordering and faxing copies of checks and a mountain of other paperwork all over the USA as well as enduring a grueling Examination - because we followed the rules and rolled our adoption credits onto our 2010 taxes.

The good news is that this morning the IRS deposited our FULL REFUND into our account plus interest (which will go right into the Dale fund.)  For our family this means that the drama is over - somehow the IRS closed our Examination on June 8th (before they even looked at that last 87 pages of cancelled checks they requested) and we were cleared.  It means that we can buy the Old house with a solid down payment rather than starting out upside down -  it means we will have 2000 sq feet to spread out in over the 800 we are in now and that the mold abatement plan I have going in the kitchen will be solved through us moving out of the Crowded House. 

(FYI - that was the nasty smell in the kitchen.  Not a decomposing mouse but a rotting counter top.   Ewww....but nothing a lot of lysol, several hours of scrubbing and a few days to dry out wont help with.  Until it dries out we are making full use of our bathroom and using the old 'three bins in a tub' system of management. )

For us the drama is over - but for thousands of good honest families all over the USA the painful process continues.  Examined, accused, overwhelmed, fined and harassed - the story of the 2010 Adoption Tax Refund continues to plow ahead with the next wave of families scrambling to recover pieces of their adoption history none of us ever dreamed we would need five years later.....keep praying that the IRS would pause and evaluate what they are doing and why because this isn't amusing for those of us who have lived through it.

Any Bets?

Friday seems to be a very relevant day for those of us who have been told (not by our Tax Advocates phone lines seem to be having issues, but by the general IRS reps) that our Examinations were closed June 8th.

As of this morning there is a  pre-notice on our account that the IRS will make a deposit on the 24th and the Where's my refund? page has finally changed from 'we are reviewing' to 'your refund is scheduled.' 

So what do you think?  Full refund tomorrow? Partial refund?  Nothing?  It's a little unsettling that after receiving calls or letters from them every week we have heard nothing at all - not even that our case was closed. (I called the regular 1040 number and begged them to discover that.)   I have to say that I am not assured of anything at this point - it's been so long since we started this journey in February and there have been so many unexpected twists that I will simply open the account tomorrow and see what is there......

Any bets? How about premonitions?

Gods Economy and The IRS.....

See this jar?  It has a note taped to the side of it on which our Realtor + friends name is written.  Repurchasing the Old House (even if we get the tax refund) is going to take every spare dollar we can generate - we need to make as large a down payment as possible so that we don't end up 'upside down' on this mortgage if the Minneapolis market continues it's downward trend which means no Realtor fees.

This jar is to gather our 'spare' money in so that we can bless Dale for volunteering to help us in this purchase.  We couldn't afford to pay him a normal commission - it just isn't there - but we are saving all of the surprise money (the first was cash a neighbor gave us for some landscape work we did for fun and then I found a ten in the pocket of my shorts from last summer)  I'm thinking this method of saving and caring for our agents family might just send a future IRS Examiner into fits.

So I am going to make a careful photo copy (illegal I know!) of the pile of bills and the note we include when we give them to him and file it away in our 2011 tax file.  I know it sounds crazy - but what I have learned this year is that crazy is not impossible.  When I was discussing things in May with our Tax Advocate and started understanding that they could question anything on those bank statements they were reviewing to support the cancelled checks, receipts, adoption decrees and birth certificates we had already submitted - I realized how utterly wild our bank statements look.

Sure - we paid a friends rent for 6 months - they would have been homeless otherwise.  Ok - we bought a car back from our insurance company and then turned around and gave it to a friend who needed it.

Yeah - we paid a friends adoption fees because they didn't have them on the right day and they paid us back in cash over the next few months.

And now - we are buying a house and want to thank our friend so we are putting cash into a jar and trying to figure out how to provide a paper trail that the IRS will accept --blogging seems a reasonable idea unless I am in fact an international money launderer trying to cover my illegal activities by writing a false blog-----

Which I am not! --I'm just a normal inner city mom trying to make things stretch in impossible ways and sharing the truth that this is all just a part of the plan.  I will print this page, fill the jar and count the bounty, and if the IRS wants to take us through this crazy dance again I will be able to show them over and over again the amazing ways my God has filled in the gaps and covered the bills that are so beyond our ability.  I never thought of an audit as a chance to share God's good plans for our lives ...seems I am a little slow on this particular curve, but I am learning.

What Happens When You Play a Country Song Backwards......

When we moved to Colorado a year ago my best friend Pam burned me a pile of cds for the drive.  In that pile (to her mortification) she accidentally included her daughters Rascal Flats cd.....and today it's the tongue-in-cheek theme of our life.....as it answers the unanswered question of what happens when you play a country song backwards.

You get your friends back, you get your church back, you get your life back, you get your phone number back, you get doctors back, and you get your house back (yeah!  He accepted our offer and we will be back in the Old House by the time school starts up in the Fall!) Today I can enjoy the irony of this song but in truth I give all praise to God for restoring those precious things which were lost when we moved.  For those of you who can enjoy a little bar stool music - here it is Backwards.

Facing The Reality: Who is Being Hurt By The IRS Refund Game and The State Of MN Shutdown.....

Many of you know Mark and Julie in real life - others only know them through the Internet.  In our life they are a like-minded and precious family.  They are members of our imaginary 11 kids club and the most likely family to be severely traumatized by the outrageous actions that both the IRS and the State of MN are currently following.  Please link over to read the effect that these two governmental decisions are having in their lives as they prepare their son for a bone marrow transplant the week of the anticipated State shutdown....even while fighting the unfair (and wrong) $8000 penalty that the IRS handed them this week based on some arbitrary IRS Examination.  Pray for them if you are far, add a hug if you are close and if you have a voice in this discussion please make it heard for the sake of the families who are doing the best they can in this hard season.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting.............

This is the view from our front porch.  40 feet away from the Crowded House on a 39.5x100 foot lot is the Old House.  Monday night we officially made our final offer to the current owner of the Old House - he has until Thursday evening to consider it, which puts our wait on that decision finally into the short term column of life. 

If he doesn't accept our offer there are two other homes in the neighborhood which will go into full foreclosure the first week of July and we will be well positioned to move fast on either one.  Hopefully in the next two weeks we will know where we are settling next...which will be a great weight off my shoulders as I see the summer rushing past already in a juggling maze of 13 people/800 sq feet/moving/schooling/living life.

We also received our next notice from the IRS - nothing really changing yet and in direct contrast to what we were told last week by our Tax Advocate  the IRS records at the regular level show our case was closed June 8th.  Sounds good on one level, but in reality it was only the day after I faxed over the 87 pages of checks and bank statements so there is no way they could have been considered in the audit. 

Just knowing that is helping me brace for a now expected 'letter of deficiency' + fine to arrive any day.  Of course in the craziness of this years taxes they could also simply choose to give us the adoption refund, a portion of the refund or ignore it completely and process our return that way.  Each option has happened to someone I know and we are totally in the dark until the next letter arrives.  Glad I'm not the mailman delivering these letters!

What The IRS Says is Happening With The Adoption Refunds.......

Call me a geek - call me an Internet prowler - call me whatever fits...but here is the Ways and Means committee written report from May 25th, 2011 that gives us a clue as to what is going on with all of the Adoption Tax Refunds being denied/examined/penalized.  (If you are not a geek who likes to read these things scroll down to page 8.)

I'm thinking that this is a nice tidy explanation of what went 'wrong' with all of our tax returns but there are a few very important pieces of the puzzle that they 'left out.'  Particularly under the explanation of why people were selected for 'examination.' 

The big reality is that we didn't neglect to send them the required documents they (the IRS) LOST or MISFILED or MISREAD almost every single persons Adoption decrees and birth certificates that have been selected for the 'review.'  (Except for the people who were wrongly steered by their tax accountants because the IRS wrongly steered the professionals at HR block and other entities. )

Our stories are all very similar....we sent everything in on time and they sent us a letter saying we didn't provide the supporting proof of adoption...so we send/fax it all over again (some like us three times - with it being acknowledged as received each time.)

Then about a month later they ask for proof of the cost of the adoptions (receipts) and finally a month later ask for cancelled checks and bank statements to prove we didn't actually bounce those checks we wrote. (Argggg....like they would finalize our adoption s if we did?) Then in a final act of strange behavior they decide if they are in the mood to believe us or not.  Which sounds random and alarmist but every day more people are walking this exact same path and getting the exact same 'next thing' and it seems as arbitrary as flipping a coin.  Not that some are not getting through at level one or two...some are and they haven't done anything different than the rest of us (either in preparation or size of refund.)   But it's not the norm at all.

And then there is the other hand of the IRS.  When we (those in Examination) have asked our Tax Advocates and random IRS phone answering personnel what's happening they are stating that almost everyone who applies for the Adoption Tax Refund will be audited (before or after their refund is approved) because of the risk of fraud.  Which seems a very different story than the official line in the above reports that they 'were chosen for examination because they didn't include particular supporting documents.' 

Which leads me to ask again....is this a blanket policy to audit everyone who claims the Adoption Credits/Refunds or is it simply an action triggered by (their claimed) omission of supporting documents?  I don't really care either way but wish they would be honest with what is going on so that we can all be prepared for what is going to happen next...and I really want to know where all those copies of our adoption paperwork is ending up.  Is there a Dead IRS letter office like they have for notes to Santa Clause? And what on earth are they going to do with all those legal documents when they figure out where they all are.....

If The State Of Mn Shuts Down.....How It Will Affect Many Adoptive Families.....

The children we adopted from Minnesota were not eligible for any adoption assistance or medical benefits as part of their adoption agreements but many of those adopted through foster care by other families do receive them and are dependent on them to manage their children's needs.  This isn't fluff - its nurses and PCA's for kids who are super high maintenance. It's doctors offices and medications and subsidy payments that cover basic needs because parents are caring for them vs being out in the workforce.  My friend Kari wrote about it on her blog here and I want to speak out that this is one area of our budget that needs to be considered 'critical' if the government shuts down. 

Learning And FASD..........

One of the challenges of parenting kids with FASD is facing the cold reality that each unborn baby has been damaged in a unique way by prenatal exposure and there is really no way to determine how their futures will unfold.

This week I am stunned to discover that Wind (who was downgraded from Twister last year when we found the right ADHD medication) is actually ready to begin Kindergarten.  Since starting to home school our kids with FASD  I have learned to slow down, start easy and back off when we hit trigger areas or previously unidentified areas of weakness.  Wind has huge issues with behavioral and emotional regulation but (oh happy day!) she seems to be able to process letters and numbers without the interference of an auditory processing or serious short term memory disorder.  WOW!  Watching her buzz through the first three weeks of Abeka math K with hardly a hesitation left me feeling so thankful.  Thankful that even though she might scream and keen and cry a river of tears over something that isn't going her way....she might also have the ability to learn her basic three R's without needing huge amounts of therapy to even begin.

I can only look at this week as a success because I have taught other children with FASD's these same basic lessons - flying through rather than plodding is a new experience for me and one I know has nothing to do with how 'good' a teacher I am or how well I taught her preschool.  It's all about grace and having walked far enough down this path to see that this is cause for a celebration.  Wind is ready for Kindergarten!

Fathers Day: Flu and Fishing.......

Special Days are slipping past me in the craziness of this season.  Too often recently I have found myself treading water as I deal with all of the medical/psychological needs we have amplified in the past year.  Tonight we made time to pause, have a nice dinner and take the youngest 7 kids plus two neighbors dock fishing in a local lake.  It was perfect for where we are at in this season.  The oldest 4 kids (3 with flu) had the chance to stay home and watch Star wars without the constant needs of the middles and littles interrupting and we adults stepped out of the pressure of never ending tasks.

This is our friend A - she lives exactly 12 feet from our front door.  She and her sister R have become an integral part of our daily life and they blend painlessly into anything we have going on.

 \

This 18 inch snapper was waiting for us to catch Sunnies (we caught many...one every few minutes) he would either wait for us to throw them back or snap them up off our lines. 

We are one of those crazy families that lets anyone over the age of four set their own bait - and pick it from the assortment.  Power Bait or corn?  It was quite the drama watching the small boys learn the ropes....it was their very first time and they kept hooking things.

There's the dad - helping the boys sort through bait and rescuing each poor fish from the fateful hands of small people who are trying to remove hooks.  Can you believe that with 9 kids on the rickety dock we didn't lose a single one into the water?  Of course Laughter was on my back or in the stroller...he would have gone in for sure!  Do you see the men's group warming up (and serenading us) over by the bandstand?  Perfect end to a day that could have been overwhelming - but was reclaimed by stepping out of the usual routine so we could enjoy time doing something special with Dad. 

Adoptive Families Being Fined Under The 2010 Adoption Refund.....

I am compiling a list of stories from adoptive families who have been refused 2010 Adoption Tax Refunds (and in many cases fined) so that we can build a more clear picture of what is happening with the IRS examinations (AKA Audits).  So far it feels as if I am the only one waving a warning flag about this issue and I want to be sure I am not overreacting.  If you have been denied any portion of your adoption refund would you please either post a comment or email me under my contact email on the side bar.  I will protect privacy and details - I am just trying to wrap my mind around what is happening here as we wait for our 'next' scheduled notification from the IRS on June 28th. (Pushed out another week by today's letter...)

The Crew Made it Through a Parade!

Just a quickie here for everyone who is sick and tired of the housing/IRS drama in our life (not to mention the 'Dog Park' drama that I have not shared yet.)   Last night the oldest 8 and I (plus Madeline) participated in the Tater Daze parade.  It was almost a disaster with a huge freeway backup, regular roads closed for the parade rout and the need to park far and jog a half mile or so in the heat to join our ATA teams.

But we did it without any meltdowns on freak outs and everyone actually had fun. (Even me. :)

After the parade there were Popsicles.....

And even Madeline had a smile on her face ....of course that was at the END of the parade when she knew we could go home.

When 70 is The New 100............

Our life is full.  Overfull.  In fact,  with adding in last weeks car dramas (both vans in the shop with breakdowns the same day) I think we hit flood stage and though we keep sandbagging there isn't much that can be done to hold back the swirling waters of life.  It isn't bad, but wow, is it exhausting.

I could write another post on how important a stable and consistent schedule is to kids with FASD's and ASD's and how fast things fall apart when we don't provide it.  I could share the fact that logic which says 'the door is sticking' vs 'the door is locked' wont necessarily cue these kids to stop kicking/pushing the door.  And that the first thing a mom really needs is a ready stock of long screws and a stiff cup of coffee.  I might share the debate on the GFCF diet and if we can keep it up with the amount of 'food stealing' that happens with our kids, and the bizarre and scary reality of a one who starts adjusting his own antidepresant medications without telling you.... but I am just too tired.

Instead, I am saying yeah.  As part of my 70/100 thinking (there is no way I can get 100% of anything done in this season so I am going for 70% and calling it good)  last week I preserved the 4 years of Urbanservant under blogshare - I did a 70% job (no page organizing and I even blew it and mixed hard and soft covers) but it's done and I wont have to think about the reality that in a cyber blink this record of our life could be gone forever.  It feels good to have something done - and I can sense that soon the flood waters will start receding and we will be able to slow down and find that rhythm that makes our life work well.  Until then it's sketchy blogging and more sandbags to fill and stack, fill and stack.....at least until our next letter or call from the IRS - then I am sure I will find the energy to say something more.

Ummm...Jeremiah 24:15 Doesn't Exist.....

Sunday morning I woke up well before the household, overcome with a sneezing fit that made sleep impossible and sent me into hiding in the bathroom. Scheduling is one of the challenges of the Crowded House - we do have to go to bed and get up all at the same time...and mom having a massive sneeze attack at 5:00am is not a good way to bring 13 people into a new day.

Once I controlled my fit, found my Bible and plopped down on the front porch with my first cup of coffee I smiled as noticed what mug I had chosen.  It is a pale blue one I bought myself years ago and written across it in small letters is  "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord."  Joshua 24:15.  In my pre-coffee, really need to get my eyes checked, fog I read that familiar citation as Jeremiah 24:15 and happily flipped by Bible open to read what came before and after it.

This is what I read.......after realizing that I was in the TOTALLY wrong book and that there were not even 15 verses in Jeremiah 24. (Duh!)


Jeremiah 24: 4-7
 Then the word of the Lord came to me: “Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: Like these good figs, so I will regard as good the exiles from Judah, whom I have sent away from this place to the land of the Chaldeans.  I will set my eyes on them for good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up, and not tear them down; I will plant them, and not uproot them.  I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart. "


.......and I laughed.  What a perfect passage of scripture for my heart to soak up in this season of leaving and coming back.  In this time where we are sinking our roots back into our communities of faith, friends and neighborhood and where we are resting fully in the joy that God's eyes are on us for good.  Not that we will be spared suffering - but that God's plans and purposes in suffering are good.

Today as I shared that passage with the kids and explained that we have not been able to reach an agreement with the owner of the Old House so we will be looking at other potential homes in our community, it felt so right.  Even as we are finalizing Fridays sale of the Colorado house and begin looking toward finding our 'next' home, we have no question that God's plans are good and perfect and that though it was painful to be sent out we have also been brought back.

It's All About Perspective.....

As we continue to work toward resolution with the IRS over our finances/number of children/adoptions/cash flow realities it was so good to read Bruce's encouragement on the situation.....he wrote:

"Of course, I hope the IRS says everything is OK. But, I also can't help but consider that there's no better reason to be persecuted by the IRS than that they simply can't believe anyone really lays up their treasure in heaven. If only more of us had lives that non-Christians can't believe. Bruce"

Thanks Bruce - I needed that reminder today.

15 Years Ago Today......

It's Steam's birthday.  15 years ago he was born - a month early (which used to be considered premature) a full term 19 inches tall,  but preterm weight at 5lbs.  Plucked chicken was the best description for him and he randomly stooped breathing and turned blue.  It was a quick introduction to parenting and the first day on this wild journey.  So many years later he is gaining on 6 feet tall and starting to float the drivers education hints.  He is an amazing blessing in our life...as the oldest of 11 children and leader of the 7 boys, he has a tough role to fill and does it well.

Being mom, I love his playfulness and sweet nature.  Though we are working through the usual transitions and tensions that happen as young men move between childhood and manhood he is almost always a gentle spirited and truly kind young man. 

Looking for photos of him to include with this post I realized that almost all of them include siblings.  Though he has been stretching his wings beyond the family - there are still tight bonds and loving relationships between him and his sibs.  It does my heart good to see him adapt and accommodate those in his life with special needs as well as competing in the larger world with those who are gifted.

I have been blessed with a son who really understands that love isn't always easy and that life is good even when it is hard.  May God bless and protect you Steam - and may you continue to be a man after His own heart.  

Even Worse Than My Worst Case Scenario....New Revelations In The Adoption Tax Refund Fisaco.

Yesterday I wondered if maybe I was getting a little too 'conspiracy theory' in my most recent blog post - paranoia is not my natural state and I really do want President Obama's Adoption Tax Refund to be a blessing and not a curse to adoptive families across America.  Sadly, I don't think I was far off the mark on what is unfolding across our country as people I know are hitting the 'next phase' of the 'review' process.

Today I became aware of three very honest and tax-code honoring families who have adopted children and been through the mill with the IRS - through each level we have passed and ended up not only without their full refunds (because they couldn't produce all of the required cancelled checks) but with huge penalties in addition - due to their 'attempt to defraud the IRS.'  I think the penalties are under this section...though please note that the application of the penalties don't seem consistent (like basing the penalty on the entire credit claimed vs just the portion they couldn't prove - but that is clearer with the note at the bottom as that family was given a IRC 6662d penalty.)

"Filing erroneous claim for refund or credit.   You may have to pay a penalty if you file an erroneous claim for refund or credit. The penalty is equal to 20% of the disallowed amount of the claim, unless you can show a reasonable basis for the way you treated an item. The penalty will not be figured on any part of the disallowed amount of the claim that relates to the earned income credit or on which the accuracy-related or fraud penalties are charged....."

On the same portion of the IRS penalties page is this clause -

"Reasonable cause.   You will not have to pay a penalty if you show a good reason (reasonable cause) for the way you treated an item. You must also show that you acted in good faith. "

Unfortunatly, the fact that Turbo Tax has had issues computing the ATC in prior years , that the wording on the 8839's was confusing and that we (the adoption community) thought that the required court decrees, receipts and birth certificates were clear enough doesn't seem to be enough reason to apply the reasonable cause exception so far. 

Good, normal people are being slapped with heavy penalties that our Tax Advocate said tonight can not be removed or forgiven....not in tax court nor by an examiner.  (remember - that was what one person said...she might be wrong!)

Oh please  tell me that it was not the intention of the Obama Health Care Plan to aggressively examine adoptive families record keeping - not in order to prove that they adopted, but to penalize and wipe out the carry forward adoption tax credits in one fell swoop.  It sickens me to think about it.  After all of the excitement and hope that the Adoption Refund promised to families who had opened their homes to orphans, standing here watching it disintegrate around them into a nightmare of huge penalties, extensive scrutiny and blind disbelief is making me wonder what exactly is going on.

Praying that whomever leads the IRS Examiners will have a heart turned toward the thousands of American families who have innocently claimed the adoption credit correctly or incorrectly (but without intent) and who need mercy and compassion rather than judgement and penalties.

(NOTE:  One of the families that was acessed a penalty just sent over an email stating that they were penalized under the IRC 6662d penalty which is due to overstatement error..it's 20 to 40% of the original amount...)

Stoped Dead In My Tracks......

It's not often that something stops me dead in my tracks, but as I was flipping laundry this morning a new thought entered my brain about this whole IRS/Adoption Tax Refund drama.  Here is the gist of it..........

Basically I have been told by our Tax Advocate that any credit (adoption/donation/home purchase/education etc...) that is carried forward into another year may be audited because it's on that years taxes.  Which is why the Examiner is asking for cancelled checks all the way back to our 2004/2005 adoption which has rolled forward each year - ending with our 2010 taxes.  Ok.  I wrapped my brain around that reality last Thursday and have sort of settled into the fact that it is how they work.  I don't really like it - but can understand it.

This acceptance led to the next logical thought. 'How do we prevent the same thing from happening in the future? That would be, us not having the documentation (from receipts all the way down to cancelled checks and bank statements) for any credit, in hand and ready to fax over whenever the IRS should request them.....for 7 years." 

It was then that my brain froze at the next thought.....because under this logic they could easily audit back seven years to our 2003 taxes AND then ask for cancelled checks etc for any adoption carry forward we claimed from the five years prior, which would take us all the way back to adoptive placements made in 1997 and finalized in 1998.  Which seems to be the very first year of the Adoption Tax Credit.

Full stop.  For us that would include all 8 adoptions - even that of our 11.5 year old son who was born in 1999.  Noooooo!  Just the thought of it overwhelms me and the potential work  is daunting.

Adding to my momentary panic is an interesting chain of discussion on the chat boards where several different adoptive parents have stated this week that the IRS told them that EVERYONE who claims the Adoption Tax Refund this year will be audited (not just asked to provide the adoption decree and birth certificates but taken through the seven layers of Hell that I keep sharing here)......either before or AFTER they receive their refund. (remember they have 7 years to audit any return so there is no rush on their part.)

I can't say this their statements are true or not, but I am starting to see a potential scenario where the IRS 'recovers'  millions of dollars from tax payers (all the way back to 1997) who can't produce the cancelled checks and bank statements from 1997 to prove that they paid their children's adoption expenses.  Slick as a way to solve a revenue issue - wrong as a way to treat American citizens.

I sure hope I am just being paranoid and that our government wouldn't go after adoptive families in this way - especially after 13 years of requiring zero documentation under this credit - to suddenly require the highest level of proof going back that far would be very wrong and for many families it would be virtually impossible (which would then mean that they would owe the IRS any credit that they used to offset taxes because they couldn't produce the cancelled checks.)

Which is all too much for my brain today....

Riding The Wave.........

Tuesday and Wednesday have pretty followed the same pattern as Monday.  Too many crisis to possibly blog on - enough to push a tired person over the edge and into a serious chocolate and diet coke binge.  The good news is that rather than being sucked under by the overwhelming flood of emergencies around me, I am riding the waves and staying above the paralyzing emotional reactions that come when I am trying to do it all in my own strength. 

It's freeing to answer the children's questions with 'I have no idea how I am going to manage that....lets pray and see what God does,' to then pause in prayer, see if there is any obvious action to be taken,  and move on to the next thing.  Trully believing that I don't need to keep picking up that same problem over and over again - as if God can't deal with it without me. 

Transportation is a perfect example.  Monday we had two working vans and a bike for commuting to work.  As of last night we had one seriously overheating, one in for a transmission problem and a bike with no post or seat because it had been stolen while locked to the bike rack at the University.

As of this morning we have a bike that works (a neighbor had a spare seat in his closet from 10 years ago and I actually had the correct size post for the frame in a box marked 'bike parts' in the shed) and a 15 passenger van we can borrow until at least one of ours is back on the road.  We also washed out the trash cans (maggot city) and created tags for our ATA bags with every ones pictures on them. (FYI - if I was starting this whole family thing over again and thought I might adopt kids with LD's I would NOT name them names that start with the same letter. )  Which is all totally irrelevant - sort of like the fact that I also turned the past 4 years of blogging into print since yesterday (using blog to print) because it was what I felt led to do.

Praying over the 'next thing' 'next thing' next thing' might seem excessive to some people -- but in my life it allows me to get more done than I would have ever imagined and to ride the wave above the crazyness of every crisis and need in my daily life.  Can't you see me?  Green Lands End tank suit with skirt (Patty - quit laughing! I know I was wearing it Monday when I took the van into Chevy on the way home from the beach when this whole new drama started.) out on the ocean, catching a wave while the hungry sharks wait below, hoping I will fall and come back down where they can gnaw me a little and wreak my happy day.  No way.  I am fine up here doing my best, enjoying the sun and letting God take care of the whole mess.....

Trying to Explain God's Economy To The IRS......

Looking through our bank statements on Monday I realized how utterly strange our finances would look to an examiner who didn't know us.  Over the past 7 years we have had amazing seasons of prosperity and intense seasons of scarcity.  Regardless of which end we are at there have been some constants in our checkbooks.  If we have a true need (not a want) it's always been fulfilled and if we have seen a need in the community around us(and if there is anyway we can meet it) we cover it.   Money isn't static in our economy, it's fluid.  Moving through our hands not in a careless way but intentionally and carefully, like using a wood carving chisel, helping shape the lives we live and those we impact, for good and in Christ's name.  Money isn't the end goal in our life, it's just money.

Which makes it a little tough to explain to a man 1600 miles away who's reading through our bank statements...why did we pay for someone elses adoption? (Easy - it was a surprise baby and we had the money in savings and they didn't.  Sure they paid us back...sometime over the next few months...which explains those random $500 deposits) Why we cover the utilities for a neighbor in crisis or rent a dumpster to help a compulsive saver to lighten her load.  It's about people, community, life and reality.  It isn't about numbers adding up at the end of the month in a particular way - and it sure looks funny when you say 'Because they needed it.'  It just isn't 'normal' within most Americans relationships with money but it is totally normal when people take first priority.

So we sit, and wait and pray over that last 87 page explanation we sent to the IRS.  Not worrying about the money - but wondering how the things we have done over the past 7 years give a testimony to God's provision in our life and the fact that we march to a very different drummer.

Too Much To Blog......

Yesterday was too much to blog.  Our 15 pass van transmission developed serious issues (which leaves us with no van for at least a week), 87 pages of IRS documentation to find- sort -fax, an irate unstable neighbor to help through a crisis, and an escalating heat index.  In the end I sent Madeline and Robert to our neighborhood park picnic with the crew while I stayed cloistered in the Crowded House with a Chipolte burrito, chilled beer and an hour of intense focus.  By 10:00pm it was all managed....but to really was too much to fit into one day.

Blog to Book Ideas?

Urban Servant has been around since 2007 and I want to put this chronicle of our life into a more permanent format for my kids.  Has anyone used the blog-to-book options available or have any preference for what works best?  I'm not thinking super fancy - just a hard copy for the future......

Sensory Issues and My Need For Black Trash Bags......

Four of our kids have sensory issues that manifest in inappropriate clothing and blanket choices.  As I type on of them is curled up watching Young Indy with his dad.  The living area is about 80' right now and this particular child is in a sub-zero rated mummy bag with only his face showing.  Not unusual for him - and indicative of one of my regular battles - the choice of appropriate clothing. 

I'm not talking about a kid who wants to wear shorts in April (and can learn the hard way that it's a bad idea) this is about one who is wearing a heavy weight weight sweatsuit when it's 88' and is out running and playing hard for hours.  It's about heat stroke and dehydration.  It's one reality that has led me to keep a stock of black trash bags handy in the Spring so that I can sneak those heavy weight items (coats/blankets/heavy fleece) into a dark corner of the basement where they can sit until I have an empty bin to hide them in until fall.  It's always a sad day when the sleeping bags and heavy down comforters disappear...and it's like Christmas when it's cold enough for me to safely bring them out again.  At which point I have to fill the bags again with the silky Summer clothing that just wont work when it's below zero....in truth it's a never ending cycle of helping them to understand the difference between what 'feels good and is a favorite' and what is a good choice for the season.  Not all kids with sensory issues have this problem but mine also have FASD's and tend to like what they like- regardless of the logic which turns me into a trash-bag stuffing mommy.

If I Hand You Something Strange....Don't Ask Too Many Questions.

Being my friend isn't necessarily easy.  Because our life is messy, strange things might happen when you are with us that don't happen with other families.  A casual 'hi' at COSTCO might erupt into participation in a full-fledged restraint scene - or it might simply end with a little hand holding.  Instead of left-overs when you leave after dinner I might ask you to put a large axe in the trunk of your car or make a bag of contraband bag of groceries disappear.  Anything might happen or nothing - it's all just part and parcel of every day life - a life that enfolds anyone who comes close enough to intersect with our daily path.  A life where nothing is unexpected.

New Blog's To Introduce.......

When I started blogging it was frustrating to wonder if my written words were sitting out in cyber space unread and if it was even worth my effort to continue.  1500 or so post's later I want to encourage other beginning bloggers with an opportunity to be 'introduced' into the larger blogging community.  My thought is to offer links to 'new' or 'underread' blogs that I enjoy however often as the Lord leads....maybe once a week? 

This week I would like to introduce Simple Diligence - a new blog started by a long-term real life friend of mine and mom to 7 (including one domestic and one overseas adoption.) I find her writing encouraging and hope that you will also.

(If there is a blog you love or if you are a new blogger who would like to be introduced here please email or comment below....I wont promise to get to everyone but if you comment your link is at least there for others to follow!)

Thank Goodness For The IRS Today.......

Though my ongoing hunt for 'Grandma's Dishes' (AKA the paperwork the IRS has requested) was not successful this morning it did lead me to discover that water was leaking up through the basement floor and into the cardboard moving boxes.  Which was actually 'ok' since I had the basement shelving already down there - and on the agenda for set up this weekend.  The IRS request and dampness just pushed the project to the top of my list. 

Note the nice tidy shelving on the left, the frightening mountain of laundry and winter clothing in the distance and the 'yet to be shelved' pile on the right.  The laundry mountain is largely due to eating habits similar to those Laughter is demonstrating below.......I guess shove and grab is the only reasonable way to get seconds when you are the youngest of 11.

I was also able to organize the front entry with a set of shelves for our ATA gear.  Nothing makes for chaos like having a pile of weapons and protective pads lying around for little (and not so little) impulse-control-limited hands to grab onto.  So thankful that this week we picked up five more ATA sparring sets on Craigslist for our kids as a fraction (like 15%) of the retail cost.  Which means we have spare gear to share out if anyone is in need....

Looking for Grandma's Dishes (Adoption Refund Drama Continues)......

It's 11:00pm and I have unsuccessfully spent the past hour in my small-dark-spidery basement digging for a box marked 'Grandmas Dishes' or something similar.  Not that I am really looking for Grandma's dishes - it's just a code word we developed over our recent moving history for important things that we want to find but not identify to potential thieves. 

The Wii was moved in a box marked that way as well as many of our important and personal paperwork.  This particular box of grannies things has our household records from 1999 to 2009 hidden within and it's the piece I need in order to complete the IRS examiners request for EVERY SINGLE CHECK/CHARGE/BANK STATEMENT that covers our last 5 adoptions. (Sorry I yelled...that wasn't nice.) The particular jem I am hoping to find is the check ledgers from which I could recreate each child's adoption journey.....I have done pretty good without them....somewhere between 50 and 75% of the big things I have been able to pull together from billing statements and wild guesses but until I receive the 75 pages or so of documents I requested from our bank in Seattle I wont know for sure where we are.  No pressure...except that our TA wasn't sure if the three days was 'working' or 'calender' so we don't know if they have to be in hand tomorrow or Monday.

Even as agrivating as this is, I understand the IRS's increased auditing with the advent of the adoption refund - but I wish that somewhere in the past 11 years they would have asked for ANY sort of documentation to support our prior years 8839's or warned people ahead of time that adoption decrees, placement documents and billing statements from adoption agencies might not be enough supporting documentation for this years taxes. 

I guess that is where the real rub is to me...for 11 years they have required zero documentation for our 8839's and now they are holding us up to a very high standard of proof for adoptions which were completed way back in 2005 and tell us we have to prove our payments or our credits/refund will be disalowed. The same credit we have been rolling forward since 2005 without a single comment indicator that we might need to document anything.   Darn, I am just a little crabby and repetitive - time to go to bed and start again in the morning.  Sleep well.

I Stopped The Hissy...Now On To The Work.....

Drama, drama, drama.  Our Tax Advocate called this afternoon - three days early - with the not so wonderful news that she received an email yesterday from the audit department and we have (had as of yesterday) three days to fax her all (as in ALL)  cancelled checks and bank statements from our last five adoptions or they were going to change our status into the 'not enough documentation to claim these credits' pile.  Not a place we want to go because it potentially will involve the tax court and other fascinating portions of the IRS that I have no interest in learning more about.

It would be great if you could pray - our agencies itemized statements have been denied at this point as inadequate and I went on a massive purge last summer which include much of the easier documentation.  CRAP.  Making the game even more fun I have the second best source of documentation somewhere in the mass of boxes which arrived from CO on Monday....not that I know which box...but at least they are in the state! (See...I found one positive thing to this whole mess.)

15, 20, 45......How Many Weeks to Process Our Taxes This Year?

It's now officially 105 days -which equates to 15 weeks -  since our 2010 taxes were mailed into the IRS.  We have also had 3 weeks of silence since our tax advocate last returned (or initiated) a call to us and I though I do see some adoption refunds being issued in the 100 day range I am also seeing new layers of craziness coming through on the adoption boards with IRS projections out into September.  

In my research today I discovered that you can call the Tax Advocate line at 877-777-4778 to check on the status of your TA assisted case and sort of end-run the 'I can't get my advocate to return my calls' problem that many of us are experiencing.  It wasn't a solution to the problem but it did get a person at the IRS to pull up our file, read the most current notes to me and give our TA a gentle nudge (since notes are added any time we call) to not forget about us.  The end result was that I was told our TA received our last set of documents May 28th (faxed to her on May 17th - but whatever) and was scheduled to call us with an update on June 6th.  Which was new information for me and helps me prepare for no news this week.