"What Type Of Help Do You Have?"

Everyone who adopts has a 'favorite' question that they seem to be asked more often than others.  In this season the one I hear most is "What type of help do you have?"

I assume that the fact that we have 11 kids under 15 is enough to make strangers hope that we have help to make daily life possible. It's a good question and in reality I would love to share the load. But the truth is that we can not afford to live anywhere near our families, we don't have the income to hire help, we have moved 1000 miles away from our support network, and at this time our kids are not eligible in Colorado for any services that would provide an extra pair of hands.  What that means is that we really have no help and that we do our best every day with the time and energy we have - trusting the Lord to make it enough, because there is no more.

This is one of the hard things about adopting kids privately rather than through foster care - unless they have a debilitating physical or predictably severe disability when they are placed with you (and therefor a subsidy written), there are very few resources available.  Not that they can't qualify for Medicaid or SSI later in life, but there is usually a long road between the time a need surfaces and time when help finally arrives.

What's your favorite question in this season? 

Fall Feels Like Open Season....On Families With Hidden Disabilities and Mandatory Reporting

Fall brings many special new things into our children's worlds - new pencils, new friends in school, new teachers and new concepts to learn and apply.  In order to prepare the teachers/caregivers and Sunday school crews many organizations have required they fulfill their annual 'Mandatory Reporting' courses before the academic year begins. (Mandatory reporting is the requirement that has been placed on specific categories of persons in the USA that they MUST report suspected child abuse - this has been modified by many states to include 'all persons' but generally applies to teachers/daycare workers/Sunday School staff/police and others who work directly with youth.) 

I think that the concept is a good one -  too often children have had to suffer abuse at the hands of caregivers because no one wanted to get involved or felt responsible.  Unfortunately it is also a system that can place innocent parents and foster parents of kids who have hidden disabilities under intense and immediate suspicion.

Fall has become the worst time of all because there are all these 'new' adults in our lives, who have been freshly trained in reporting and who don't have a history with our kids hidden disabilities - it's the perfect formula for trouble.

Think I'm exaggerating?  In the first 30 days of this school year three of my friends have had reports made on them....none due to actual abuse...but either due to very zealous Mandatory Reporters or their children's inability to understand the consequences of telling adults outrageous lies at school.  (Remember-FASD and compulsive lying/fabricating often go hand-in-hand.)  It's horribly hard to watch each family endure the investigation and feels to me like Fall has become 'open season' on families living with hidden disabilities.

Calmed Down Enough To Have a Plan......

It's been a long few days managing the details of life  - add into the normals stress of a 13 person family the need to replace the refrigerator (after resuscitating it 3 times I gave up), many important broken things that I needed to repair, a escalated level of danger for a few of the FASD kiddos that involved climbing up into all sorts of inappropriate areas and the ongoing battle with our insurance over finding a specialty clinic for those same complex kids....it was a the recipe for a mommy meltdown.  Good news is that I didn't blow....I just sort of whimpered myself to sleep and got up this morning with a plan firmly in place.

Storage went from the open shelving to locking cabinets (yeah for the Rick the scrapper - he even delivers!) Because it was a prime location to demonstrate what a lack of impulse control really means.

Rick also delivered these scooter boards.  Wonderful dangerous fun and a huge sensory thrill for those who need that type of stimulation.  (So much better than biting and screaming.)

New Fridge - super clearance at Lowes and they deliver for free?  And take the dead one away?  YES!

Two new gates to keep toddlers and preschoolers contained.

And several hours on the phone and email with our insurance carrier trying to get referrals started for one of the only two clinics that deal with FASD in Denver.  I think we may be working our way around the brick wall I hit with them last week...it's exhausting, but living in a state that is ranked 48th for its services to persons with disabilities I have to make this fight a priority.

Need A Therapy Table?

My friend Rick has a high table (massage table size) and a low fold down square one from the Air force Academy for sale at his shop.  It's an amazing deal and if I had kids who would use them for in home therapy I would buy them in a minute....know anyone?  For $150 for is there anywhere you can think of we could donate them?

Correction on Video....

The appropriate video clip that was taped to go with the Gertz family article is here , apparently the other one was not intended to be linked and was an error (what an error!)

Wouldn't you hate to be the producer that missed that one?

Just Because I'm Still Laughing Over The Thought of The Psychologist....

Since my humor seems to be returning with the thought of Lily on the psych couch - my brain is swirling onto all sorts of 'other' illogical myths we seem to be hanging on to with regards to FASD. Particularly I'm thinking about the 'only one glass is safe' premise so here is my tongue-in-cheek extension of it.....

If one glass a day is 'safe' while pregnant (for a baby ranging from minute to 8lbs or so) why not say that it's fine and acceptable to give all children from birth up to 21 yrs old one glass of wine or beer a day?  What's the difference?  All of us who suffered through 6th grade anatomy know that babies get nutrients through the umbilical cord (no argument on the fetus being exposed to the alcohol - just if any harm is done) and if it doesn't hurt them pre-birth when they are doing so much developing then it can't do any more harm out of the womb when they are so much bigger can it?  Except it's considered child abuse/neglect to allow any child access to alcohol ...which which makes it a crime....I'm so confused!

And laughing to myself at the absurdity of our cultural logic.

The Myth Continues: Drinking While Pregnant Is Safe....

Today there is an uproar in the FASD community over some very foolish things that were said by a prominent OB/GYN on an ABC news interview on Sept 23rd.  He went so far as to say that in 20 years he had never seen a case of FAS and that he had no problem with his patients having a glass of alcohol whenever they wanted to.   (Can you hear the community temperature rising with those statements?)

I can't condemn him for saying these things - my own OBGYN - a highly conservative, respected doctor told me the same thing with my first two pregnancies and I believed him.  Do you know the only person who even dared question me was my brother and his wife?  (Thanks by the way for being brave!) and I told them to butt out of my business because my Dr had said it was fine.  I trusted my Dr - but unfortunately he was wrong and so was this one on ABC.

In contrast, the article that accompanied the interview  was well written and tragic - it tells the story of a little girl who has progressed through the nightmare of FASD and is now living with a different family because the one that had raised her was exhausted and overwhelmed and needed a break.  I get that.  Raising kids with FASD is often like living in an alternate universe - we use the same words as everyone else, obey the same rules, breath the same air, but out lives as parents or persons who have been damaged by alcohol will never be the 'same' as other peoples.   They can't be - we are living with permanent brain damage - and that is nothing to take lightly.

I guess it's good I can even post on this today.  My rage from over the weekend is past and I can work toward a plan for 'the next thing' in our life again.  We got up and replaced safety gates this morning (yes - an almost raging two year old can break those metal ones), reset hinges on the computer cabinet and started yet another round of 'discussion' with our local insurance over why seeing a psychologist for 15 sessions is NOT what my FASD kids need to be healed. (Wish it was ....I'd have everyone in this week and pay cash! Though the thought of them jerking a Jungian therapist around with their 'supressed' thoughts does make me giggle.. my kids who don't live in the real world 50% of the time....peering into their subconscious?  Maybe this therapy would help - I'm feeling better already!)

I'm So Mad About FASD I Can't Post......

Some days living with FASD is exhausting.  Not that everyday isn't tiring - but sometimes the burden of fighting for everything, everyday, forever and ever.... is just overwhelming.  I have written two rant posts and deleted them.  Screaming wont help.  Beating my head on the floor might because it would release the stress - but people at church tomorrow would probably blame Robert wrongly for the bruises. 

That's all I can say - I hate FASD and I am broken over the reality that most of America doesn't take it seriously or even seem to believe that it really exists outside of the extreme cases.  I am sure I will scream the next time someone tries to convince me that my FASD kids are really 'fine' and I'm just overreacting.

This Is NOT One Of The Books I Think Would Be Good For Teens!

Last week I recommended the series of books by P. Aiden that rewrites Jane Austins Pride and Prejudice From Darcy's perspectives.  A reader asked about a book by Sharon Lathan titled Mr and Mrs Fitzwilliam Darcy -  Two Shall Become One. 

I picked this book up at the library this week and it is NOT in anyway a book I would recommend for teens - in fact I think it would be offensive to many adults as it focuses most specifically and graphically on the physical relationship between husband and wife.  NO, NO, NO this is not the same series at all!

How Uncomfortable Are You Willing To Be, To Love Your Neighbor?

My friend E wrote this great post on her church's blog last week - it's responding to their weekends sermon and gets right to the point.  Are you willing to be uncomfortable in order to love and serve your neighbor or are you more worried about your own comfort? 

Here is a taste of what she said " How about the person who loses their family, their home, and their sense of well-being through no fault of their own? Will you help? Will you stand by him or her? Or will you pass this person on to an agency who is designed to provide for their physical needs to save your time, your money, and perhaps your own sanity? This, too, is your neighbor........." To read the rest click here.


Go E!  I love the fact that 38 years into our friendship you can speak my heart so perfectly!

P Is The Letter of The Day......

P - PEACHES

Thursdays are a little out of our usual schedule this fall.  Leah has a class from 10-12 which effectivly breaks up any thought of much productivity in the early morning.  Today we did our Bible study (walking through Acts with the kids STILL - but it's just got so much to talk through so I'm not even going to stress over that one.) and then hurried outside to chase off the birds and harvest the rest of the peaches on our little tree.  Even after eating 30-40 a day off the tree all week we got a half full basket of good ones for eating...total fun.

P - PRAYING MANTIS

In the terarium next to the basket it the three inch long mantis that Josh caught yesterday out on the trail.  We hope he eats raw hamburger because so far all he has had to eat is a small bite of Joe's finger.

P- PRECIOUS

Isaac is really growing up fast.  At 9 months he is free-standing and can pick his own peach and demolish it.  Good thing he cut his first three teeth while we were in Seattle last week - now he can do some real damage to the things he finds.

P- PHYLIS

Now that fall is headed our way I am looking to get back into some of our more peaceful patterns of life.  I ventured out to meet Phylis from Nutritional Bread Baking Supplies here in Colorado Springs.  I was looking for a Colorado grain supplier and I made two new friends in the process.  Here she is with her granddaughter in front of their mountian of Montana Wheat and other good grains.  I bought 50lbs Hard White and Hard Red today as well as a millable 7 grain blend to add into my breads this winter.  And three new (as in never used for any other purpose!) new 45lb pails to hold it in.  Totally decadent after years of using recycled ones from food service. Phylis also hosts baking classes....I'm thinking Cooking and Nutrition might just be on the homeschool schedule. (I will post more details here as she forwards them to me.)

P- Playful. 

 Jesse got up on the happy side of the bed this morning and has had us in stiches all day.  Guess what he is being?  A BIG mosiquito. Pretty funny that my guy with tactile issues would choose to pull a tight net down over his head and leave it there..

Some Days I Just Have To Laugh...........

Goggles were the theme at our house today.  Since we have no lakes to play in and are not likely to take swim lessons this winter I let the kids use them to play with....

Lydia slept in hers at nap time.

Joe and Jerry wore theirs all day long...The funniest moment was when I caught Joe using his to see where the stuff goes when you flush the toilet.  I walked in to find him face down in the toilet and all I could think of was how strange it would be to explain to the police that he had drowned in the toilet while trying to see under water....good news was he was holding his breath.  Bad news was that it was the TOILET!

The Longest Night........

Three years ago my sweet friend Molly said good by to her full term, stillborn daughter Felicity.  That dark night my heart wept bitterly over the emptiness of her waiting arms and the loss of her innocence.  I knew the sorrow was only beginning and I lit a candle exactly like this as a beacon out into that lonely night, with a prayer that she would not despair.  That original candle was left behind with her in MN - this is a duplicate I kept for myself and light each year to remember that she was the first daughter of Molly and Abe's heart a treasure stored up in heaven.

New Fun Things to Share.........

LOOK!  Post-It has these huge tearoff calender pages.  This is two of them - perfect for the 8 kids we have in school this year.  The only drawback is that they don't have any adhesive so I have to use tape....but I have several rolls hidden so that it's a problem. :)  

Recognize this tool?  Yes, it's a crockpot...but more importantly it's a 8.5qt pressure cooker.  Electric, totally locking, no rocking steam vent cover for my little grabbers...and on super clearance at the Chef's Store because it was too big for anyone else but me to want it.

Peaches...on my very own tree.  What a great thing to find out about our house.  Perfect for little hand to grab as snacks when they are out playing.

Why Thumb Sucking Doesn't Bother Me.......

I have five finger suckers.  Some of them are young enough that it falls within social norms - others are of an age where it seems a little odd and makes people wonder what's going on.  Personally, I have learned to not lose any sleep over breaking it as a habit because for those who have a real dependency it seems to be a side manifestation of their FASD.  And if the general public is paying attention, it can be an indicator that their might be a hidden disability to be considered behind this strange behavior.  Or they might just give me another parenting lecture on how bad it is for their teeth and social relationships.

Of course for a little fun I could encourage them to meet the same oral need by walking around with other favorite things hanging out o their mouths like Polly Pockets head, a plastic fish or a hot wheels car.  Nothing wrong with a thumb - it could be way worse!

Thinking Through Benefits........

Here is a true and sad little story about my friend K that has got me thinking........

Five years ago my friend K found that her husband had a girlfriend he preferred to her.  They divorced and she found herself almost full time parenting four young children while their father and his new wife took some parental time on weekends and evenings but not enough for her to return to work. 

K went back to school, got her teaching degree this spring and has been out job hunting for the past 6 months with little success.  At the same time she graduated her ex was diagnosed with serious cancer and quit working to start treatment.  When he stopped working and his leave was used up, both families health insurance switched to COBRA, his income went to zero (so her child support and spousal ended also), he had no long term disability, and his life insurance was cancelled because he had only been with his new employer for 6 months. 

Now he is facing a very short life expectancy, waiting for SSI to start in November so that he will have any income (a small portion of which should go to K for the kids) and there are two separate households teetering on the brink of serious disaster.

In thinking about and talking K through this new crisis I realize that there are some pretty serious things Robert and I need to learn about our own life insurance and disability plans.  How employment linked are they?  And is the safety net we think we have designed as sturdy as we planned?  We can't control a lot of things in our life but really knowing and understanding what we providing our families is one thing we should pay attention too...a little more attention that I have been!

I Did It! I Did It! I Did It!!!!



Isaac knew he was in forbidden territory but loved it!



I'm dancing happy circles - I will NOT be shopping for a new refrigerator tomorrow.  Nope...or at least not as of this moment and I am dancing the dance while I can. :) 

After a frightening stop at Lowes to see what a new replacement for our 20 year old side-by-side would cost, a reality check on the need to 'modify' the cabinets to fit the new larger heights (really?  Cutting perfectly good cabinets for a 1/2 inch seemed excessive.) and a few minutes on Craigs list looking at possible options - I decided to google and see if there was anything I could do to try and fix it myself. 

Google I did and one of the things I saw was that the entire freezer/refrigerator/ice maker could sort of freeze solid.  Since it was the only idea that didn't involve tools or ordering replacement parts I tried it. 

All afternoon the fridge stood open (except for when the well trained children closed it) and this evening it slowly resumed it's normal activities.  It's cooling and making ice as I type...what a sweet sound.

Feeding 13 on a Six State Roadtrip.............

Food is a major portion of every road trip we take.  The reality of 13 of us in the 15 pass van, 6 in car seats, with the need to cover 1400 miles in two days has eliminate our ability to pack much more than snacks in the van.  After that, I have to rely heavily on grocery stores, quick thinking and fast food to keep the crew happy.

COSTCO is great for filling in meals...I can order pizza from the road (got to love Internet on my phone!) and it's ready when we arrive.  Clean bathrooms, cheap fruit for dessert or those nummy forbidden churros.... and they don't mind that we bring in our own water bottles.

Since the female portion of our family thinks that McDonald's is icky (excepting their iced coffees) we discovered their high-sugar but also very satisfying yogurt/fruit/granola parfaits....I'd like 13 please and extra napkins.

Super 8 was the hotel of choice for the driving overnight on this trip.  Their staff did great and even made a special pan of 18 Cinnamon rolls up separately for us so that it was easy to feed the crew in front of their first exposure to Saturday morning cartoons....at 14 John thought they were hysterical.

We did break down and do the McDonald's drive through on Saturday afternoon.  BUT only because it was the only retail (other than the 'Man Store: Surplus War Things') close to this great state park we found at Salt Lake. 

My favorite feeding place of all is the random rest stops with strange handfuls of whatever food I have left in the van.  Bread sticks and grapes, water and Chinese crackers.  Cheese sticks and chocolate bars...it's so nice to be irresponsible for a few days and feed them what I want rather than what I should.  I do have to note that things like rattle snake skins, lizards and the odd prairie dog to provide endless opportunities for fun - often overpower hunger and the snacks to get packed up again for the next rest area.

Update on Joy......



We really enjoyed spending time with Joy and her girls at Nanees house.

 I haven't known quite what to write here so I waited until it settled a little before updating all of you who have been praying and care about Joy and her girls.  Court was disappointing while I was in Seattle - the judge was a last minute stand in and didn't seem to have a complete grasp of the situation which (I believe) led him to make an uninformed but safe decision to continue in this process.  Unfortunately, I don't think it is  good for either Joy or her girls and when things sort out in the end I think it will be shown to be an unwarranted action.  Until then they have to keep walking this strange road of faith.

Please keep praying and if anyone wants to help Joy cover her stateside costs while she works through this bizarre season, feel free to contact me.

Just a Little Drama....

Thankfully, most of the drama for this trip was saved for the last three hours of the drive home.  After having both my Visa and my AMX card turned down at Arbys (I borrowed cash from Leah to cover dinner and then spent the rest of the break frantically calling my bank...only to discover it was a problem with their registers because our order was over $25.00.  Good thing too!  We needed to fill the big van for the last 160 miles of the trip.)

The fun continued when we pulled into our driveway at 11:30pm and the kids reported that the water in the fridge wasn't working....in fact the side-by-side seems to have died over the past week which actually made me happy because it explained the trail of blood that ran out when I opened it.  (Too many 80's horror movies still stuck in my mind to make that site a comfortable one.)  Sadness over the loss of those COSTCO hamburger packs, but hey I get to go fridge shopping this week and what a great excuse to throw out all those jars of condiments and start all over.

I will post more later...after we dig out the van and unpack all the wet things from our adventure at Great Salt Lake.

Favorite Seattle Signs..............

I'm thinking a few of us would like to order one of these some days.....

Vacation Reading......

I love to read - it's my escape and my relief in daily life. 

The killer is that I usually have to take 11 of my closest friends with me to the library so my leisurely stroll through the stacks has been eliminated and replaced with the impersonal online search and reserve system.   For the first week of our vacation I reread the Fitzwilliam Darcy series - skimming the first two and getting right to the heart of the matter in the third - These Three Remain.  It's such fun for me to 'see' Pride and Predjuice from Darcy's point of view........

Alegations of Abuse and Neglect And The Families I Know.........

Last week I posted a link to Kari's thoughts on the sad reality that foster and adoptive parents of difficult children should be prepared to be falsely accused of child abuse and neglect.  As an adoptive mom and friend to many foster parents I have seen it happen and walked through the trauma with them.  No question but it's a nasty process.

What I have learned is that these situations are not generally about the families being foolish or not 'doing things right', and it's certainly not that they have broken any laws or taken any extreme positions in their lives.  Rather, I see a convergence of their children with someone who is hyper alert and watching for signs of trouble - to the point that this person (teacher, grandparent, sibling, Sunday School department or neighbor) contacts CPS and begins a ball rolling that they have no ability to stop and very little understanding of the situation that they are reporting.  

In all of the cases (except one where the mom was not feeding the child properly because she didn't have the mental ability to understand the child's needs) a crisis has been created and investigation begun with all that resulting chaos, and over time the charges found to be false or unsubstantiated and the incident ended.  But the stigma and memory carries on  through the families life and the accuser rarely has any idea of the damage they have caused and the heartache they initiated through their rash actions.

There is another side to this type of situation also.  False allegations can be made in order to punish, harm, discredit or gain control over a family member.  As sick as it sounds - I have watched a grandmother make a 911 call on a child abuse situation PRETENDING to be the grandchild who was being abused by her daughters boyfriend.  When squads arrived the grandmother pointed to the five year old and said he had made the call.  The kids was obviously confused (as well as alcohol affected before birth) which she credited to the trauma of the situation.

Though the grandmothers intentions were understandable (she wanted the boyfriend out of her house and didn't like how he related to the grandson) in truth was he was not abusing the child.  But it did not matter,  the ball had been put into motion and he was now being investigated and forever there would be a file in their records with his name on it.

I'm not sure exactly how to end this post - it's sort of at an awkward place and I would like a tidy wrap up rather than a weak trailing off.  In the end I guess I want to say out loud that there are many reasons why a family might have DSHS investigate their family - some justified and others not.

Matching Gift Opportunity....

How about this opportunity as an alternative for the funds pledged to Brothers adoption?  Below is an excerpt of an email I received this morning from Tom Davis - Director of Children's Hope Chest in Colorado Springs - I know and trust this ministry and am going to redirect our Brother pledge  toward this matching gift opportunity.  (Our gifts are doubled to $7000 if the $3500 is met)

From Tom:  "This weekend, Hope Chest received a $3,500 challenge gift to provide needed supplies for orphans and vulnerable kids in Ethiopia. All of this money is going to help children in Ethiopia as they go back to school this month.

Your gift will purchase school supplies for 500 kids, construction materials to build a new classroom, and paint/brushes to re-paint two entire schools and dormitories.

Would you make a gift of $25 or more to help meet this challenge for the kids of Ethiopia? To donate right now, click here. "  Be sure to put Ethiopia Challenge in the comments box so they know your intentions.

An Update On "Brother".......

This evening I received this email from Katie and Randy....my heart is aching with them as they take this huge heart breaking step away from the adoption of Brother. (follow the link to learn more about their story)  Please pray over them as you read their note and join me as I pray for his forever family....which they sadly realized they are not.........

"It is with heavy hearts that we write to you this evening.


The last several months have been stressful. Trying to sort out God's will for our family, put the pieces of the adoption puzzle together, prepare our hearts for one more, deal with our children's mixed feelings about adopting again, and summon the peace and courage to adopt a child with unknown potential has been weighing heavily on our hearts and minds for weeks now.

As much as our hearts break for Brother, Randy and I have learned through this process that we just can't parent him and meet the many needs of our other 5 children.

This process has helped us learn that it is not just about money as we originally thought, it is about having time and energy for one more little boy who will require a lot of time and energy.

I am sure this will come as a disappointment to you as you have all invested heavily into Brother's life. We hoped as we slowly moved forward God would give us the peace we were seeking but this didn't happen. Instead our feeling of unrest and uncertainty increased.

Thank you for all you have done for Brother and our family. Please join us in praying for him. He needs and deserves so much.

Randy and Katie"

*Though we will not be calling in the pledges toward Brothers adoption we encourage you to reinvest that money in another waiting child.  For those of you who sent checks I will be sending them back when I return to Colorado next week. 

Coastal Treats....

One of the problems of teaching your children to enjoy a variety of foods is that they develop some pretty exotic tastes.   Mine love crab, shrimp and salmon in almost any form, a passion we indulged tonight at Grandmas house.  In all honesty, I have to say that Isaac is the first of 11 to really harvest and consume his own seaweed.  (For those of you I grew up with....that tall good looking guy next to me is Rodney - the most recent victim to our crews table manners and exuberant play.)

Virus? Don't Open Email From ME!

I hope I'm in time - I am afraid that my Outlook email has been infected this morning (it's now totally gone?!)  The blog is safe but my email contact list may have been hacked.  I think I was caught by an email I opened from a friend that had no subject but a very possible link address that I clicked (stupid me!)  Please comment on the blog here if you do get anything like that from me...you will know it's not really from me because I have no outlook at this moment so I can't email anyone through my address book on this computer.
 

Photos From Seattle......

The road trip wasn't bad - we arrived with the right number of kids, no lost tempers, and a two day trip through six states.   We were surprised at the limited number of rest stops along the way and had to pull over on a deserted road for lunch on Saturday.  Sunday was better, we found a wonderfully dangerous park from the 60's with this spinning merry-go-round that was ultimately dangerously fun. 

When we arrived in Issaquah one of the boys revealed that he had not packed any shoes (had been wearing his brothers flip flops on the drive out) and only one pair of pants.  What a great excuse to stop in at my favorite consignment store - and pick up these cute ones from Stride Rite for $5.00.

It's been a fun week so far.  Blackberries are in season, the sun has poked out a few times and  my hometown has welcomed our brood with loving arms.  Too bad Blogger is causing me fits this morning.

Timely Prayer This Morning....

At 9:30 (West Coast Time) Joy and I will be standing together at a pivotal moment in her and her two daughters lives.  Please join me in praying that truth will be revealed, forgiveness evident and the Holy Spirit  tangibly present at this mornings hearing. I still can't share details but covet your prayers as we walk through this next doorway trusting the One who works all things for the good of those who love Him and I hope to post a new photo of her and the girls together later today........

Not If, But When We Are Accused.....

Kari wrote an super important post here on one of the realities of parenting and caring for kids who have joined our families through trauma.  I absolutely agree with her that we need to be prepared to be accused of neglect and abuse as a part of the journey.  If we expect it, than it should not crush us when it happens and we can build safety nets for our families by being prepared - it's the out of the blue, from behind hits that are the hardest and this is one that can often be anticipated.

Here is the quote she starts her post with - I would encourage you to go read the rest....

"It is estimated that as of 1997 there was a one in eight chance of having false abuse or neglect allegations made against foster and/or adoptive parents. This number is growing and in some areas of the nation has increased by as much as 400%. ~National Foster Parent Association"

It's super important that we all start talking about what it REALLY means to parent our hurting children - so that they (and we their families) can thrive...

Why Do Babies Suck Wipes?

Ok - 11/11 of my kids have loved to find and suck the juice out of diaper wipes at the crawling stage. What it that?  I tasted them in case I was missing something and guess what...they are nasty!

Almost Ripe Apples.....

Today we crossed off the LAST DAY on our countdown to vacation calender and realized that our apples will be ready to pick while we are gone.  Not to be deterred the younger six asked permission to 'check' if any apples were ripe...of course I said yes.

So first they got out the ladder....

Politely lined up..........

And ate so many 'almost ripe' apples that they now have tummy aches and wish they had waited....

Though Jerry tried to eat 'just one more.'

Thrift Store Find.........

From the time I was 10 I have been horse crazy and for almost as long I have lusted after a pair of Ariet ropers  - just like the ones in the photo.  I found these in the thrift store - perfectly broken in and exactly my size.  Now all I need is a friend with a horse here in Colorado.......

What Do These Two Things Have In Common?

Zip ties and a small locking box...........only Carrie will guess this one right because I was chatting with her while I purchased the ties yesterday.  For the rest of you.....if you guess without peeking at the answer I owe you a Latte!

So what is the relationship?  They are the first two things that I looked for as I started packing for our road trip to Seattle this weekend.  There are lots of uses for this type of ties in our world...the police use them as backup handcuffs (yeah I have thought of the same use), computer people use them to secure cords, and moms of many kids with impulse control use them to lock stuff up quickly.  Which is the use I intend for them this week. 

Half are packed to use at my moms house in case we need to secure things temporarily (like kitchen cabinets) and the other half are ready for the road trip. But why would I need them in the van?  Well.....lack of impulse control means that busy hands cant keep out of things - even if they know they shouldn't touch and especially when they are bored to tears in the 4th row of the van.  So anything that I don't want opened will be zipped closed - especially the clothing compartments of their backpacks!

Securing their backpacks?  Oh yes, when traveling with 13 there is only room for each person to have a backpack for all clothing and toys. Allowing some of my kids access to the clothing compartment would be guaranteed to cause nudity in the back of the van and a mad scramble through all  of their clothes out to find that one shirt they know they intended to bring.  No good reason I can think of to let them into their clothes until we hit the hotel and then I'm zipping them up tight again before we hit the road.
Zip Ties are my friends.

The locking box goes under the passenger seat and has all of the medications, spare keys, sharp tools like the cutter for the zip ties and other misc things that I just don't want those same busy hands finding when I blink. 

Once I have these two things set it's actually pretty easy to pack the rest...zip tying or duct taping things closed as I go.

Why Two (or More) Are Easier Than One........

Lot's of people who are parenting one FASD kiddo ask how on earth we manage to live with (and not kill or be killed by) our crew what includes so many drug and alcohol damaged kids.  It's a tough question but in the end I actually think it's easier to deal with BECAUSE we have so many special needs kids in the family.  Our normal is different, our perspective on life is different and most of all our expectations of the future are different. 

Do You Want To Share In A Totally Fun Adoption Moment?..........Say YES to This Opportunity!

Marti shared a link to her friends blog today - they are just $2625 away from fully funding their adoption of two precious girls from the Ukraine who have been diagnosed with Downs Syndrome.  Their travel date is in September and they are SOOOOO CLOSE to having these bills covered that I want to jump in and help them cover the gap.   That gap us closing since I just used PayPal to make our $100 gift ....they are now down to $2525....anyone willing to knock off that $25?  Here is the link to their blog  - I used the Paypal button on the right  - got to LOVE paypal!