How About $179,900?

In the interest of not having the Minneapolis house sit vacant we dropped the price another $10,000 to $179,900 today. Please join us as we continue to pray for a buyer who will love the richness of the neighborhood and the diversity of the people who live there - as well as the house our kids have always called home.

Preventing Homeschool Burnout...

I have taught (or am currently teaching) the first 7 of our kids the basics of reading and math. It's been a good experience for me to tackle the same material year after year with the challenge of keeping a fresh perspective for each subsequent learner. Based on the fact that we have children with a wide variety of gifts and challenges I have had the mental freedom to switch, modify and totally abandon some teaching materials while sticking with others the whole time.

A major part of the equation seems to be the reality that I have a 3-5 year tolerance for any particular curriculum. Which is fine with me - I just have to acknowledge that reality and keep it in mind as I purchase materials and plan for the future. In my world, preventing mommy burnout seems to be partially based on knowing when I am getting bored and changing things so that it doesn't go to far.

In this season I have all but abandoned our Phonics Museum and am shifting our younger learners exclusively over to Learning Rivers . Not because it's particularly a better method, but because it is different and which is what I need in order to start the next batch on early reading with a smile on my face.

Does Becoming an American Mean You Lose Your Original Heritage?

My Friend Corrie, adoptive mom to a daughter from China, just posted a comment and added this question to it:

"I was just told by someone that I shouldn't celebrate Chinese New Year as it will only confuse Giovanna. She is an American and needs to be solely in one culture. I was totally taken aback by the forwardness of the comment from someone who doesn't really know me or Giovanna. How would you respond?"

Well....Corrie really knows me so I think she asked this tongue-in-cheek. I am not really good at faking politeness and wasn't able to learn 'Minnesota Nice' even after 15 years in state, so my answer wouldn't probably earn me any diplomacy points. My instinctual answer would probably have been something along this.....

"Oh, so you are telling me that we should only celebrate American holidays in America because we are Americans? Ok...but how do we deal with St Patrick's Day then? Or Christmas? Or Valentines? Because they certainly didn't originate here -our ancestors brought them with when they emigrated to North America.

I will certainly think about what you said - but I sure don't agree with you about her need to be wholly in one culture. Everyone one who looks at her assumes (correctly) that she is from China...it's written on her face and is a part of her history - a very important part of the story of God's special plan for her life."

At which point the poor person would probably mutter something about 'not meaning that' and my mommy fight would back down and we might (with grace) be able to have an intelligent end to the conversation. Lord willing...

In the alternate universe of tiredness I might just give a person who makes comments like this my totally blank stare (like they are speaking Chinese) and make no comment at all....simply wiping the drool from my chin and turning away to find the closest Starbucks.

What if 20/20 Isn't Enough?

"20/20 isn't enough" was the name of the presentation that Dr Jeri Schneebeck, F.C.O.C.D gave at the special needs homeschooling seminar last Saturday. Her material was the first 'AH HA!' moment of that day. Or to be honest, more of a Mommy Bear 'Grrrrr..!' Caused by the frustration that I feel over the costs of traditional "we only do it this way because we always have" policies that seem to run Americas medical community. I have three children with various labels that I have always thought had vision issues. Unfortunately, normal eye exams were unable to identify a problem - therefore no problem existed in the minds of our optometrists.

I learned in that hour that eyes can have a whole range of issues that don't relate to how we score on our traditional eye exams and that can make learning and particularly reading a nightmare for some children. Unfortunately our new insurance will not cover this testing (or any therapy) but I think that it's an investment that we will find a way to to work into the families budget.

Day Trip For Week Three: Navigators Castle.....

Please Keep Praying for a Buyer....

We are still waiting for a buyer on the Minneapolis house - it's been on the market since November 20th and we have had scads of people look at it. Up to 6 showings a week, almost every week, but each offer has had it's own reason for not going through.

So here we are waiting and wondering again - trusting in the Lords perfect timing on all of this. But yes - getting just a tad antsy to be done with that part of the process........at least it doesn't look like this any more! (our last night in the house)

A Good Question on 'Passing' Homestudies.........

This comment came through from Kate today and I wanted to be sure to address it before time slips away...

"What is your experience with passing home studies and making choices about vaccinations that may not reflect what is "recommended" by the state? We had to fully vaccinate my son who has a severe brain injury in order to pass a homestudy for our next adoption, and I am wondering if this is the norm or not. "

What a great question. I don't know the history of the mom who wrote this comment - if it was a public or private agency doing the homestudy and how it all played out in the discussion.

What I do know is that by engaging in a homestudy we are hiring a social worker or contracting with an agency to complete an impartial evaluation of our family. From our point of view we are not looking to earn their approval by changing what we do to meet their criteria. We are simply asking them to evaluate our family history and situation and either recommend or not recommend us as an adoptive family. That said, our family doesn't work with agencies ever that ask us to compromise what we feel is best for us and our kids.

Kate: I am sorry that your agency pushed you into immunizing this child against your better judgment. I say shame on them for using their 'power' in adoption in this way - would they be willing to take responsibility if his systems reaction to the immunizations was negative and his brain sustained further damage? I am sure not - then they would say it was your decision to do it...except that they wouldn't work with you unless you did. Unfortunately not an agency I would want to work with, but there are lots of them out there pushing families into decisions that they would never make except under the duress of not being approved. Grr....that really gets my goat!

Patty is Here ....

Here are a few photos of Patty for Weldon and the kids. She misses you but I think she is also having fun with the freedom of doing what ever, when ever, she wants...

She led us on a tour of the castle today, followed by our first taste of Chick-fill-A ...it was great fun.

How Do I Find Time to Love and Not Neglect Them .......

Last night I was asked again how I find time to give each of my kids the attention that they need on a regular basis. It's not an easy question to answer but I don't feel in any way that my kids are lacking in my attention or love. I could be totally wrong on this, but it seems that the more children we are blessed with the better I am at loving each one and connecting with them where they are rather than where I am. It's not about me, my needs, my feelings, my desires anymore it's about them and the plans that God has for their unique lives.

I guess that's my answer - because we are a large family I don't have time for emotional games and hurts and my own adult silliness. I just love them, and they know it because we live it.

Where ever they are at.......

What Homeschool Can Look Like.....

Much of our homeschool looks like this. A precious daughter who had a really hard time learning to read, taking the time to help teach a younger brother his first letters and colors.

And then settling back into her own drawing assignment once he wanders off.

Fallout From the Seminar.......

Saturday's Homescholing Special Needs Seminar was encouraging and extremely educational. I cherished being in a room full of homeschoolers whos lives are as messy as mine and who still get up every day and do the next thing. Just talking through and listening to the ins and outs of teaching those who don't fit neatly into educational or medical boxes was good medicine to me.

One major thing that came out of Dianne Craft's presentation on The Biology of Learning and Behavior is that I was finally pushed over the intellectual edge on some of the dietary aspects of living and learning with my family. It's not that we eat poorly but there are enough indications, in enough of the kids to show it's time to take the next step. Monday morning I sat down with the crew and did a little explaining. Strangely enough they are for the most part thrilled with the high dose Omega 3 fish oil (lemon tainted) and probiotics. Not so thrilled with the discussions about the need to cut back on the sugar and carbs and open to next week when we add in the grapefruit seed extract. Of course the scary part of this is the shear number of pills that we are actually talking about (and the cost involved :) lets see....12 people, three times per day or two different supplements (three starting next week) is just too many for my brain to count out or factor in (which is why I have avoided it for so long.)

I was actually convinced of yeast as an issue and the need for Omega 3's years ago when I read "Is this your Child?" but I haven't had the brain space to make the jump until now. I guess that's a good sign...life looks stressful right now but maybe it's to a lesser degree than usual.

(Our last dose of 'bad medicine' for a while. Everyone got their last taste of candy....for this season at least.)

Two Posts Worth Reading on Sensory Processing Disorders and Cognitive Disabilities........

This week two fellow bloggers (who are also mom to 11 kids) with various challenges wrote amazing posts I wanted to share. Julie gave us a glimpse into life as a teen with cognitive disabilities as she shared the reality of her daughter McKennas world. For many reasons I encourage you to read it - not the least being that McKenna is a special friend to me (and I love her mom to pieces!)



On a different page Lisa passed along a great tip for dealing with those out of control emotions that so many of us deal with in our homes from Sensory Processing Disorders. I started implementing it yesterday with Lil and so far every hurt in her world is HUGE on this scale - which explains a lot. Alert is the program designed By the two women Mary Sue and Sheryl who own and operate Therapy Works in New Mexico and their materials are on my 'wish list' starting today.

Off to a Special Needs Homeschool Seminar.......

I am a homeschool mom by choice and a special education teacher by default. Today I have the fun of a day off from the family to hone some of my teaching techniques with a Special Needs focus. Vision Therapy, Speech Therapy, Dyslexia, Picture Thinkers and the Biology of Learning and Behavior are all on my schedule for the day and I am so excited! (Ohhh...Diana Craft is teaching that last session - be still my beating heart!)

Question From My Cousin.....

After yesterdays post on Homeschooling: a Fresh Start... my cousin Jolie-Anne posted this comment. "What do you mean about the vaccinations? Blog on that. I'm very hard-core on this topic, but maybe uneducated."

First: Fair warning to the rest of you. Jolie-Anne and I are genetically Pope's. Which in some circles is enough to send people screaming when two of us start to talk serious things and earned my husband the comment on our engagement that he was "marrying into the deep end of the gene pool." Let's just say that none of us Popes sit around passively watching things happen - we are doers and fighters and in the end always family.

So what I wrote was......... "We are choosing to conscientiously object to immunizations. Not that we don't and won't immunize our children, but we don't feel that the standard for our kids needs to be based on the district-wide policy. Instead we reserve the right to choose what is medically best for each child without needing to worry about what the district says. It's been an issue for us to the point that I had to get really aggressive with our last district about the nurses calling the house and threatening us. (I was really close to calling the HSLDA on that one.)"

Perhaps I can clarify this way. I have a child that we think had chickenpox (he had several spots when the neighbors kids had it but not a good case) he was of school age and has a variety of neurological challenges including but not limited to an autism diagnosis. This child had several complex medical issues that we had spent several years trying to untangle and we were trying to not add anything to his system that we don't need to - mostly because we didn't know what exactly we were dealing with.

While we were trying to untangle him our district decided that the Varicella vaccine should be on their required list. Because he hadn't been immunized for it this child popped up in the districts system as 'not fully immunized." They sent a letter and I answered explaining that he was strictly homeschooled and that we were trying to untangle his medical diagnosis.

A week later one of the district nurses called and did her best to convince me that my concerns were unfounded and that I was endangering other children if I refused to follow this immunization schedule- to the letter. It was amazing to listen to her repeat every argument there is for immunizing but refuse to hear my simple response that we were working on a medical diagnosis for this child and were not going to introduce anything into his system that might stress it unnecessarily at this time. Shoot, where we were at, everything from brain tumor to genetic abnormalities was being considered.

But she didn't care. His box wasn't checked and that was making her nuts. It didn't matter that I had voluntarily provided all of the immunization records thus far - I wasn't hiding, avoiding or trying to mistreat my kids...thousands of dollars into diagnosis I just wasn't going to cave to her pressure and go against what I thought was best. After a very uncomfortable discussion she did volunteer that I could get a note from my dr supporting our choice to add to his file...but my back went up at that.

Why wasn't my word, on my child, who was in no way under their authority and had never set foot into one of their schools good enough? I was Pope mad.

The answer was simple- when we first notified the district that we were going to establish a homeschool we didn't check the conscientious objector box on immunizations. Instead we left the door wide open by trying to be open with the district and sending in our immunization records each year.

I learned a lot working through the whole topic of immunizations with our district over the past 8 years, mostly that our views are widely disparate. They are looking at the big picture and I am looking at the smaller one -which I think is right for both of us- we each have different roles in this world.

Hows that Joli-Anne? Clearer? I'm happy to talk about it further...but my point here really was that each childs parents need to do what is best for their child, and have the right to make the final decision.

Shopping Alert! Luna and Cliff Bars.....

As someone who can't face breakfast before 10:00am I have found a Cliff or Luna bar acceptable to my crazy digestive system. Usually they cost a little over $1 each but this week Target is selling the 6 pack boxes for $5.79 plus you get one bar free. My absolute favorite is the Luna chocolate peppermint....makes morning more bearable!
(Trust me - I don't EVER share these with the children.)

The First Time I have Ever Prayed For a Long Cool Winter......

I have never been a huge fan of winter - it actually it usually takes gallons of coffee and self-indulgent therapy to get me through the last few weeks of March and into the hopefulness of April. This year is a little different though. The biggest drawback to this rental house has changed my attitude about those warm spring days - I don't want Spring to arrive while we are here. I want to be long gone! Way long gone.

So what could shift my mind so dramatically? How about 3 of the 4 main rooms carpet having year old (but still fragrant when warmed)dog pee soaked into it? Yikes! Between the South facing sun porch heating up that whole side of the house and the obvious low-level odor we have now I am more than happy to move while the snow is still on the ground. Not that they didn't try to clean it up - they did. But the only answer to this much urine is new carpet and pads - not another run with the carpet cleaner.

(Of course I can change the blog colors to reflect Spring and meet that 'it's almost here need' that way..........)

Homeschooling: A Fresh Start 8 Years in............

John is 13 and I started homeschooling him in Kindergarten. I had never planned to homeschool but when Robert and I visited the local elementary and he asked the question "Would you send your children/grand children to this school?" the Principal answered "no."

With that one word we were suddenly aware that we might need to make a different choice. Private school was out of the question as was out of district (we only had one car and at that point you had to provide your own transportation.) The decision to homeschool was cemented when a study was released which noted only 25% of Minneapolis's AA boys graduated in 4 years of high school - EEK! We had 2 AA boys at that point and knew already that they would both face learning challenges because of their personal histories.

So we started homeschooling in April of 2001 and have sure learned a lot along the way......here are a few of the things I am thinking on now as we start afresh in a new state.

1. The school district is a good thing - but I don't really want them involved at all in our homeschool. I will happily serve as a homeschool contact for families in the district, help evaluate and design materials about homeschooling and support our local district in whatever way I can. But I have found that their agendas for education, therapy, immunizations, testing and achievement are based on a standard of 'what is best for the whole district' vs what is best for my child. It makes perfect sense except that I am homeschooling so very little of it is relevant.

2. We are choosing to conscientiously object to immunizations. Not that we don't and won't immunize our children, but we don't feel that the standard for our kids needs to be based on the district-wide policy. Instead we reserve the right to choose what is medically best for each child without needing to worry about what the district says. It's been an issue for us to the point that I had to get really aggressive with our last district about the nurses calling the house and threatening us. (I was really close to calling the HSLDA on that one.)

3. There is no perfect curriculum if you have different types of learning abilities. After teaching 6 kids the basics of reading and math I realize that the kids who are 'easy' learners will catch on regardless of what curriculum we use. Those with difficulties are another matter entirely and there is no one thing that will work for everyone.

4. Schooling year round saves me time and energy in the long run. Why take an extended break and have to review things I have already taught? School gives structure to our lives and rhythm to what we do every week.

5. Better late than early - no need to rush into adulthood. We are resetting our mental clocks on the pacing of school- there is no reason to have our 17 year olds graduating when we can choose to give them an extra year in homeschool at the community college or apprentice programs. What does that mean? Basically we are looking at 12 years in our homeschool +1 to launch before they are 'on their own.'

6. Co-ops. Thankfully we found social and sports co-ops that we enjoyed in MN. We will look again here but understand now that the relationships and values that come out of them are very important. More important than a casual commitment for a year.

7. What do we really need? Even though I am drawn toward a specific type of teaching materials there are a lot of things we don't actually use. Good quality art pencil sets for the older kids and masses of crayons for the younger ones cover most art needs. Manipulatives and counters become a headache once I allow them out of my sight and for the kids who are easily distracted those cute manipulative animals, cars etc just add chaos to our lessons. Plain, boring, predictible (but good quality) are now our staples and I am seeing much better results with them.

That's all the thinking I have time for today.......I want to write a post on the new freedom I have found in the second lap of homeschooling but that needs to wait as I have a cooking class to teach so that we can eat dinner on time....

I loved this photo of Leah and just wanted to share it.

FASD - One Night in the Life........

My friend Barb posted on a bad night she experienced with her beautiful but challenging daughter Akila this week. Akila is a pre-teen who was exposed to alcohol prenatally and because of it she and her family carry the weight and reality of FASD with them daily. This isn't about bad parenting, it's not about being a foster child (she was placed with them as an infant) it's about irreparable brain damage that was 100% preventable. Here is a bit from that post.......

"Last night, she was horrible. She and Hezekiah got into a little tussle, and she could not get out of a really bad mode. I ended up having the other 3 kids go into Imani's room to play where they could lock the door. Of course, all this was happening as I was trying to make dinner, and Michael was not home yet (around 5:30). She was upstairs threatening to kill Hezekiah, to stab him, calling him a f***ing a**hole and many other nasty things.........."

If you want to read the rest of the post or learn more about the reality of parenting kids with FASD - it's all here at her blog Loosing My Mind.

Joke of The Day: My Life is Such a Soap Opera..

Actually this was the Joke of the Day 10 days ago but it took me this long to be able to regain my sense of humor and laugh about it.....

This is the door to my bedroom in the rental house. It used to have a 'vintage' gold knob on it with the twist and lock handle on the bedroom side side. 10 days ago I threw my jammies into the washer (huge morning puke from Isaac) completed the shower routine and towel wrapped, was ready to start the day with the kids.

Except for one problem...the door knob broke with the door closed and all my clothing was on the other side. Which should not have been an issue - since it had one of those little holes you can poke something into from the outside to release the lock. Unless that was the broken part - which it turned out to be. So there I was, draped in a green towel, standing in the hall, 11 hungry kids, most of my tools in storage until March and the only phone numbers I have in CO are the real estate agent and the guys from the maintenance department at the University.

Just thinking about making that call was enough to trigger a momentary panic attack. Can't you see it? "Uh...Marcus the plumbing is fine but...could you come open this door for me? Quick?"

Rather than become the 'topic of the day' at the facilities department I chose the path of least humiliation and asked John to go find his tennis shoes and get ready to do a side kick on my door. Really? WOW! Total 13 year old joy was crushed moments later when I remembered the one mis-packed long handled screw driver that was perfect for the job. Within minutes I had the knob removed and was back on track to cover up and gear up for another adventure in Colorado. Guess we forgot to put "Get locked out by a broken door knob" on our list of what could happen next.

Robert's Take on The Move........

Ever wonder what my husband thinks about the move? (No NOT you loyal girlfriends in MN who can still hardly say his name without spitting .) Here is the link to a nice article the Campus paper did with him last week, he also had the opportunity to talk about his speciality (Financial Aid) on the 4:00 new last night.

Robert

And On a Lighter Note......

In case I didn't forward the Pioneer Woman's link to any of my girlfriends - here it is. I got hooked into reading the story of her romance with her husband (one blog post at a time) back when we were in crisis with one of our kids. I waited with baited breath for each new installment and think that her writing and site in general is good therapy for the overwhelming reality that some of us are called to live with. Just gazing on her kitchen brings me joy.....

In Their Own Words: Responding to Hard Things in Adoption........

Many of the comments to posts like Hard Things in Adoption are too intensely personal to be posted on the Internet. Readers write them and then ask to have them not published for a variety of good reasons: "their family has no idea of the depth of the issues" "the social workers would take it wrong" or " I just can't face the failures." But they send them to me anyway..wanting to have a voice in the process or needing to cry out for help in the journey - here are a few of the comments that can be shared. Please pray for these situations.............



"Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Hard Things in Adoption.......": I think the biggest thing that young couples need to know is the potential challenges of adopting older children when you have younger children in the home. We are one of those couples. We spent lots of time learning about how to parent hurt children and had even worked with high-needs foster children before we had kids. I think we were prepared for the behaviors, the attachment issues, etc. What we weren't prepared for was for that older child to act out towards our little ones. When that happened we couldn't keep everyone safe and ended up making the painful decision to disrupt. No one ever suggested to us that we needed a plan for how to keep our little ones safe. When that happened we didn't know what to do and no one had any workable answers for us. I realize now that it was naive of us but it never occurred to us that our newly adopted older child would hurt our younger ones. I understand now why she did and my heart breaks for how hurt she was. But, we ended up in a situation where we couldn't possibly win. I think that is something that social workers and agencies need to be asking the families. What is their plan for keeping their 2 year old safe when their 10 year old is acting out? Please don't think that I'm saying you should never adopt out of order - just that there needs to be a plan in place so that the family can succeed. "



"Thank you for your post. I fall into that category you are talking about. My husband and I are 25 and 26 and were matched with a sibling group of 5 ages 6-14. When the oldest developed safety issues with our preschool age biological daughter, we had to have him removed. Even with the adoptions not finalized, we have had little help from DCS, only criticism and threats of removing the entire group if we do not take him back. We are in crisis and even as a current foster family, no help seems available. "



"Thank you for your blog post today. It helped me remember I am not alone....."

Hard Things in Adoption.......

One of the saddest gaps I have seen in adoption in recent years is the lack of support for younger couples who have adopted sibling groups and find their families in serious crisis six months to a year later. Paperwork completed, bills paid, and travel behind them, all of a sudden these parents wake up and realize that things are not working out in the way that they had dreamed them and in fact their lives have become a never ending nightmare.



It might seem extreme for an adoption advocate to even write this post. But the truth is that of all the families I know who have recently adopted older sibling groups, there are very few who have not hit this point and keenly felt the lack of support. Many of these families have learned that human love doesn't heal all things, faith cant necessarily change a dangerous child's behavior and there might not be a therapy or medical intervention to restore their lives back to the calm and peaceful place they once were. Often times these families are at a pain filled crossroads in their parenting journey before we in the larger community even realize that there is a problem. Then we end up helping them run damage control in out of control situations and wonder exactly what happened to lead them where they are.

I field calls and emails from moms almost every week in this situation. It's a painful trend that we in the adoption community need to pay attention to so that we can learn, love and support those of us who are walking down this dark and pain filled road. I don't have the answers to why it happens, but I am committed to getting into, being real and going deep with those who live there because they should never have to walk alone.

(*Please don't take me task -I am aware that this situation can happen in any adoption, blended family or biological situation but this particular post is on the trend of younger couples adopting older sibling groups and finding out they are dealing with issues that have no easy answers.)

My Favorite Valentine ............

My friend Julie (that's her Amazing Maisy in the box) and fellow mom to 11 wonderful kids posted this last night. What an incredable valentine to have arrive at their home this week...to know that you are not invisible in your extreme parenting journey and that people really do care and value your kids also.

I'm going to take this Valentine one step further - partially because I am out of glue, red paper and stamps but in reality because there is a bigger need here. I am going to ask if there is anyone reading who is willing to partner with Julie and Mark in tithing 10% (or 1% or 20%)of their tax return to help bring their #11 son out of private foster care and home as soon as possible. Ben (not his real name) is a medically fragile child in private care that they are longing and preparing to bring home from Alabama. If you want to read more about his story and the long road they are walking to claim him as their own - here is the most recent post on her blog.

I can help connect you anyway you want but I know that money should not be the reason that Ben doesn't get to have a forever family. Our family is investing our tithe in his adoption and believe me there is room for many more to step in.

A Book on Disrupted Adoptions.....

Our friend Scott blogged a review of a new book by Kristin Richburg titled Disrupting Grace . You can read his critique here and I have copied a taste of the preface to pique your interest below. Many of us in the adoption community have experienced first hand or supported a family that has had to walk through this painful process - it's a part of adoption we don't often talk about except in crisis but we should.

"I have two children. I used to have three. My third child didn’t grow up and leave home, she didn’t die. I relinquished her. I stood before a judge and said that I was no longer able to meet her needs. She is living with another family now and has a new last name.
For five years she called me “Mom” Now she calls someone else that. . . . I still wake up each day and go to bed at night asking myself “How did I get here? Were those five years a dream?” Aren’t adoptions stories supposed to have happy endings?
While many adoptions stories do have happy endings, this is not one of them . . . "

Resale Therapy....

All through college and until we moved to Minnesota I was employed in various branches of the security industry. My favorite years we those I spent endlessly shopping through malls and retail stores watching for and arresting criminals of every bent. 40 hours a week, 50 weeks a year I learned to tell quality and hunt for bargains in my stores so that I would look like a legitimate shopper. Not the out of control, can't stay away from the mall sort, but the 'super deal sniffing, wont buy anything unless it's 70% off or more and I can wait' type. Excellent training for the life I live today as the mom of 11 and good toughening up to boot. (Most people didn't really want to be arrested so that's where I learned to take a hit well.)

All that as background to why yesterdays blessing was so much fun and encouraging to me.

I woke under a grey cloud knowing that all my homeschool friends were having a Valentines party at co-op 1000 miles away, I whined that I couldn't have coffee shop therapy with anyone, and that my kids were not really in a place emotionally to take them out or leave them alone. I was pretty much home bound and in the mood to have a self-pity party. Thankfully the kids and I are still reading through Romans and there isn't much room in chapter 12 to encourage such behavior so by 9:00am I was a little less gloomy and more myself. We made valentines (thanks mom for sending the materials) had lunch and settled in for naps.

I still have to sit with (on? :) some of the the kids so that they are able to relax in order to fall asleep. Yesterday I was settling into the usual routine with the added treat of cruising Craigs List with my new internet connection. I searched for 'kids wood table' since our thrift store one had been destroyed by rough play the week before we moved and was absolutely thrilled to see a 'scrapper' named Rick was selling off a pile of high-end preschool furniture that he had bought in a batch from the Air Force Academy. Better, his ware house was two miles from our rental house and I could take the worst bedtime offender with me. Better yet...he was selling all my favorite brands (Lakshore, Community and Jonti Craft) all at 80-90% off of retail!

That got my shopping mama hearts attention and helped me to see how God was giving me a chance to start looking forward to the move into our new home in March by getting me thinking about how to organize it rather than fearing the work to be done. The pity party was soon fully over and I am back in the game........here is a look at some of the fun new things. There are two full vans of them so I am going to restrain myself with the photos for your sake.

Brand new Lakeshore Cabinets...the ones that are on casters and can be locked shut if need be. (A total dream come true to a mom with kids who have impulse control issues.) and a nice US States carpet. Two beautiful used bookshelves for the living room. Solid wood well made to replace those that we left in MN.
Kids lockers! I admit to always longing after these because of the sense of order they seem to bring with them. But the price was always a deterrent in the past. At $50 for a set of five the budget could flex for them and I can use goo-gone to eliminate those stickers! (There were these 10 plus one single...how perfect is that?) The mauve/lavender bookcase next to it is new too - perfect for the little girls room and heavy enough not to tip.
This is the table that started it all. Sturdy, attractive and best of all $30 rather than the $459 retail tag it usually caries. I also brought home a wonderful toy chest, rocker, car mat and more....

The biggest hits today were these toddler chairs by Community ($5 vs $55 each!) and a strange but wonderful mushroom couch/chair reading thing.

This morning my heart is lighter, my eyes are off myself, looking toward the future that God brought us to CO to explore and I am ready to enjoy watching the kids play in our little rental house that now really does look like a daycare .

Film Recomendation: Her Name is Sabine.....

As the mom to two kids on the Autism spectrum I am always on the lookout for good reading and viewing materials. Her Name is Sabine is a docu-film done by Sabines older sister Sandrine Bonnaire telling the story of undiagnosed autism and the effect that different choices the family made had on her life. No sex, no violence, a little appropriate swearing (as an affect of the autism) it was worth investing 85 minutes.

Hey! It's Our Anniversary!

I almost missed it (since I am clueless as to what day it is right now) but it's our 15th anniversary! Wow.... 15 years, 11 kids, three states and who knows how many diaper changes later we are still married and still like being together...usually with 11 of our closest friends.

Happy Anniversary ~ you are a great husband and father.

Maybe I should think of something more exciting than pasta with butter for dinner. :)

Talking About FAS With Siblings: Question From A Friend.....

Yesterday I recieved this question from a friend who has many children. The question she asked I answer regularly for others so I thought (with her permission) to share it here.

"How do you talk to the other kids about one (or more) child's behaviors caused by fas? How do you compassionately explain it? Down's Syndrome is easy to "see" for the kids - FAS is not easy to see. My child looks just like any other kid to them - but she's not. And God has called us to love her. "

This is a particularly hard question to answer because every FASD affected family has their own idea of how to deal with it. Some are highly private and others are not. Because of this difference I will answer it for our household alone since that was the question.

In our family we believe that the main reason new babies with FASD are born every year is because we haven't taken it seriously as a society yet. It is the only 100% preventable birth defect in the world, the leading cause of mental retardation and it leaves a painful lifelong reality for ever person who is born alcohol affected. We think talking leads to change so that's our approach to tackling the issue.

So what do we do with that? At about 3 yrs old the differences between 'alcohol affected' and 'non-alcohol affected' kids seems to become very pronounced and obvious to our other children. Lack of impulse control, extreme emotions, and a difficulty learning the basic rules of family interaction lead to the logical questions from older kids in our house. "Whats wrong with my brother?" Thankfully, homeschooling helped us get over this first hurdle. We do sex-ed and drug/alcohol awareness every spring in our home and it's fairly simple to extend that discussion into the reality that combining the two can have devastating long term effects on unborn babies.

When the questions come we have that foundation to build on and it's just as simple as talking about why we are reducing sugar (one who is pre-diabetic) or eating less dairy (another who is lactose intolerant.) We start with facts. What part of the brain has been damaged and how that affects real daily life. My kids have lots of reading material available so that they can learn about how others with FASD act and learn that within this diagnosis their siblings are actually 'normal.' When the questions do come I usually ask the kids to tell me what they see as wrong and we work from there so that I don't overwhelm them with facts or details. It's not a secret - it's a reality, and in the long term (like after Robert and I die) these siblings are hopefully going to be strong advocates and supporters for our kids with FASD issues.

Last week I got to see the benefit of being open with out kids about FASD. Our teen John went out for a late night walk with a new friend here in Colorado and he reported that they had a conversation that went something like this...."You know, could you be careful with the words that you use around my brother. They are not really bad words (shoot, darn etc) but he has brain damage from FASD and likes to repeat things that he thinks are naughty and that gets him into trouble" The new friend responded positively and the walk continued. One more teen got an insight into the reality of FASD - who knows what that could bring (or prevent) in the future and our son took the chance to speak out against something that has hurt his younger siblings.

By being intentionally open about FASD we feel we are helping our kids (and ourselves) love each other better. The sad truth is that living with the behavioral side of FASD can alienate and destroy familial relationships - when grace can be extended through understanding, maybe we can not only protect but actually strengthen them.

*Please remember that there are many ways to live with FASD and just as many perspectives on how we should talk about it. Our family has chosen this path and it seems to be working well but it is not the only option.

The View From My Window...........

I have never had a kitchen window that you could watch life from. I am really enjoying watching the kids in the yard and the neighbors come and go...all 6 houses worth of them!

Even the little boys can be out safely for long stretches. (Joe loves it - Jerry likes the idea of it but not the white stuff.)

Jerry really is a warm weather guy - preferring to go shirtless and stay close to the heat registers.

I can't beleieve this is my 'street' for the next 7 weeks - one lane gravel dead ending just around the corner! Don't be decieved, if you go the other way down the lane you are at the University campus. Bang! It's so cool...you walk 6 houses the other way and you emerge right on campus.

And there is time right now for a little fluff in our life (literally, I found a jar of marshmallow Fluff at the store and bought it.) How about cocoa for the crew?

Praying for Healing....

My son Joshua’s brain was damaged by prenatal exposures to drugs and alcohol. It’s a fact that we live with every day – he knows it and understands that though it was 100% preventable his birthmom had an addiction that caused her to not make healthy choices for him. A lot of weight of an almost 9 year old to bear, one that has brought us both to tears many times.

Even though I pray over my kids regularly Sunday morning in worship I realized that I hadn’t asked for Josh’s brain to be healed in a very long time….maybe never. I don’t remember, there are so many things that I have prayed over him in the past 8 years - over his heart, his learning, his health, his past history - so many times I have cried out on his behalf. But over his brain damage, I am not sure.

So in that moment I quietly prayed for his brain....

Sitting still is really hard for him and I often scratch his hair during church to help him settle down – as I scratched I was praying healing in my heart. After a few minutes he settled down and I stopped scratching. He turned to me and asked if I would pray with him later, curious, I asked what he wanted to pray about and he said that he wanted to ask Jesus into his heart. I was stunned. This isn’t a kid who talks like this at all. I wasn’t sure where he was in his thinking about Christ at all and had no idea that he was moving towards this moment. I knelt down beside him we talked through what he was thinking and he prayed there in the second row of a church we were visiting to receive Christ as his savior.

My prayer had been answered. Minutes after I prayed healing over Josh - God turned his heart and he received the free gift of salvation and the promise of an eternity in heaven with a perfectly whole brain. I asked for the short term healing – the 80 years or so of this life and God answered with eternity. Isn’t that just like Him? I don’t know what the answer is for the next 80 years, but I think I can rest on the promise that this time really will feel brief when we get to the end and look forward into eternity. Healed and whole – together.

Correction: To Isaac's Adoption Update....

Don't you love surprises? Katelyn's Fund just called and they are committed to covering $3000 of Isaac's costs. Yeah! Go God - only $4,000 left!

Isaac's Adoption Update.....

It’s all good. As of today we have a total of about $12,000 in expenses still outstanding on his adoption towards which Gift of Adoption made a commitment to cover the last $5000. We have two other grant applications which are being considered over the next couple of weeks – Katelyn’s Fund and Show Hope and Lord willing – the last $7000 of Isaac’s adoption costs may be covered by the end of the month. It’s always hard to wait as these bills are covered, each in it’s own way, and in it’s own timing – and very rarely though our own efforts.

I'm Back!

Oh the Joy! I have a phone and internet both in the same afternoon! It's only been 12 days without them but it feels like a really long......time.

Update on the Minneapolis House....

We put the Buchanan ST house back on the market Thursday with it's beautifuly refinished floors (thanks again Weldon and Patty!) since then there have been three showings with another scheduled for Monday. Here is the link to it in case anyone is interested in passing it along - click on the larger photos to see the floors. :)

Our New Pets....

These are the three deer that seem to have taken over the backyard at the new house. They didn't seem too concerned about me.

This is the rest of the back of the 'real' house we are buying. The deer sleep off to the left. I can see a patio here in front of the house with stepping stones headed off in several directions to invite neighbors into our space......it's already level.

When The Diagnosis Doesn't Fit.....

Autism, FASD, ADHD, LD, ODD and a slew of other diagnosis that our kids have been tagged with over the years all fall under the mental health category of health care. Maybe that’s obvious to everyone else, but it took me years to figure out that almost all of the issues our kids face are what I consider observational diagnosis. By that I mean that there isn’t a blood test for Autism – a professional gathers information based on parental reports and brief office observations and makes a diagnosis with very little actual time spent with the child. Depending on the day, the child’s mood, how well the tester and child interact, and what the doctors own agenda is for the diagnosis the results can vary widely.

I didn’t realize until recently that I really do need to agree with the professionals basic diagnosis of my kids or follow up quickly because our medical records are no longer private in the way they used to be. Now when we change insurance these things go with us - right or wrong, fair or unfair, totally off base or dead on, they become a part of the kids history in a different type of way. Even with HIPPA and all those forms we fill out guaranteeing our privacy, all it takes is a little subpoena or a request for records and every diagnosis we have ever had is out there to be counted as truth.

And the doctors can make some seriously poor assessments. A child who is working independently at or above grade level in school can be labeled as borderline IQ, one who is studying the middle ages and likes to draw swords can be tagged as dangerous (what boy isn’t obsessed with swords when we study knights?), and one who finds the interviewer too pushy and therefore doesn’t care to engage in conversation with them is recommended for speech therapy.

These are all pieces of the larger diagnostic puzzle – one where the sum of the parts before might have added up to a kid with mild autistic tendencies now all of a sudden the total equals a moderate to severe autism diagnosis with everything that entails. What?! STOP! This child is not moderately to severely autistic - no way. The thruth is that the diagnosis probably won’t be undone, but it can be challenged and commented on. I am now learning to be careful to voice my concerns about a diagnosis and be sure that they are included in the kids medical files - just in case it's an issue in the future.

Weighted Blanket Follow up....Repaired Link!

Paula Johnson at Gotcha Covered in MN is who rush ordered and delivered our weighted blankets. She even met us on a sleazy corner in North Minneapolis to make what had to be the funniest 'deal' people at the Bee Hive witnessed that night.

Most Frequently Asked Questions.....

The question I have been asked most frequently since moving to Colorado Springs is “Are they all Yours?” Followed closely behind by “What caused you to move here?” Everyone is satisfied with the simple answer that yes, they are all mine and that my husband got a new job in town. But in my heart I know that there is more to answering that second question than simple economics. (And the first one - we know that is a HUGE discussion covered by one word.)

After all, what does it take to convince a father of 11 to pull up roots and move 1000 miles away? It wasn't that we did not like MN, or that we were not invested there. It was not a need to get away from a bad ex or a lack of community connection. It was something more. Something larger and much harder to explain than a simple job change. I only have my ESV Bible with me and the wording is slightly different, but in the past I memorized Romans 8:28 (I think) from the NIV, it begins with “God works all things….”
God works all things.
Not man, not fate, not a good or bad job interview – but God works all things for the good of those who love him. We love God and we trust that this is a good thing even though it is painful and discouraging and borders on terrifying at times. So why did we move? Because God chose to move us and we were open, positioned and ready to do whatever He said was best.

I hope that today when I am asked why we moved here I will have a better answer than simply crediting a hiring decision because there is so much more to tell.

Old Floors/New Floors

Patty Broberg here. Dorothy asked me to put pictures of the re-finished floors in their old house up here. My husband, Weldon (of Weldon Broberg Construction) has been working on them this past week. What an amazing transformation! We're both sad that the Bodes won't be coming back to live there and enjoy them, but are praying with them for just the right family to be blessed by this house, and to be a blessing in the neighborhood.

Here are some photos:

...but first, a funny shot of all the toys Weldon found in one of their vents : )

After shot of the bedroom/office off the bathroom.

After shot of the hallway/living room from the entryway.

After shot of the living room from the front porch.

Before: Front porch

After: Front porch

Before: hallway (looking toward entryway)

Before: entryway

After: Entryway and Hallway

Before: Living room (looking from porch)

After: Living room (looking toward porch)

Before: Family room (sanding in progress)

After: Family room

Before: Side entryway by basement steps

After: Side entryway by basement steps