Saturday, May 8, 2010

Pain in The Journey....Mothers Day.

As the mom to 11 you would assume my Mothers Day would be full of dandy lions in jam jars and homemade cards, and it is to a point. But Mothers Day digs up a lot of issues within our family they are painful to work through. Our eight adoptions represent 6 different women who gave birth to our children and then released them into our family.

Some did it intentionally and with careful planning, others had no choice and have no idea that their children are safely in our home today. Can you imagine not knowing where your baby is? A week, three years or ten years after they are born having no idea of how they are faring.

Being that baby is not easy either. I field questions about relinquishment's, photos, biological fathers, addictions, prison and strangely, the hardest questions of all are those that ask 'who do I look like?' There is something so elemental in that question, so identifying and basic that we overlook it in our adoption stories and a gap is left in their hearts. For some of them I have photos we can look at or physical descriptions, for others there is a gaping silence to that question.

Not that they don't love me as their mother, but they don't have have my eyes or my hair or my nose. When they look into the mirror their faces are made up of the pieces of strangers, mysterious and missing in their life. It doesn't bother me, I am not threatened or angry that we talk about these things on Mothers Day. It simply is a fact that I was not the mother that bore my children and there is nothing I can do to change the pain hidden deep in their wondering hearts.


Megan said...

Dorothy, you are a fabulous mother! Growing up I had *some* of those same adoption questions. My parents were spot on to teach me lovingly about God's sovereign plan for me to be in their family - though it came about through a stage and season of loss. I am forever grateful for their patience and understanding with my need to ask those tough questions. They were unoffendable by these questions that I needed to work through and their unconditional love remains precious to me, even today as they love me and their grandchildren. Thanks for sharing this today!

Dawn said...

You are a great mom. I hope you have a wonderful and peaceful day. One of my adopted children has loads of trouble with mothers day and mothers in general. I am about to get her up for the day. We shall see how it goes.

Ursula said...

Man I love this post! We have an open adoption, today was first mother's day with our adopted daughter, and I was surprised by how much grief I felt. For her and for my daughter. I wasn't expecting that. Adoption is an amazing thing, and I'm learning that it is also born in grief and carries loss.