Nine kids, 12 years and 30,000 diapers later and all I am sure of is how much I don't know about parenting.

When I had one or two children I had lots of opinions to share with moms who were looking for advice. When to potty train and how to do it, cloth or disposable, breast or bottle, spank or no spank - my parenting philosophy was working well for me and the tangible results were in the 2 and 4 year old darlings around my knees. I suppose God gave me that easy start because what he had planned for the next 8 years of my life might just have left me a little frayed.

Right about the time #3 turned 6 weeks old my world shifted. He was a screamer. Hours upon hours, if he was in my arms or in his crib and regardless of if we were at home or out in public there was no changing, predicting or stopping the fierce cries. It wasn't anything simple like reflux or colic and it's only now that he has been able to tell me he has regular headaches which combined with his Aspergers tendencies probably created much of his unhappiness. The truly amazing thing to me is that very few people knew about our struggles. I developed a strategy of hunkering down, perfect timing and ridged control of his environment that allowed us to function as a fairly normal family - the confidence of success with my first two children carried me through the darkest days (he did tend to scream from 2am-5 or 10-2am depending on the night) and allowed me to avoid the scrutiny of all the well meaning people with their overwhelming advice. Their opinions on how I could better manage this child were great and fine from their perspective - they were all getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a stretch and had a bit more emotional energy than I did. I was in survival mode.

Over the next 7 years God brought 6 more blessings into my care + a teenage boy for a season. The more children I am responsible for, the more I realize that most parenting opinions and ideas are really just appropriate for individual homes and specific situations. When I am asked to speak at women's retreats or MOM's i need to be very careful, because the life that I am called to live is not the same one as the women who would be listening to me - it would be dangerous for me to try and tell them how they should parent or forbid, tell them what they are doing wrong. After all, how do I know? Outside of the Biblical basics of child training (as outlined within the Bible - not various denominational interpretations) there is very little right or wrong on parenting - how long to nurse, how to teach, immunization, how to feed or where to sleep is open to each families circumstance. They, and they alone are responsible to the Lord for the children they have been entrusted with. Not that it negates a covenant agreement to help and support the families of the church, it just reminds me that my opinion on someones children's behavior is really irrelevant in the eternal scope of things. And I better keep my mouth shut unless it is of the Lords leading, because I have so often behaved as a fool.

Sadly, I have failed hugely in this over the last 12 years, and am so thankful that I can claim Christ's renewing sacrifice over my pride and foolishness. My honest apologies to any moms out there who I have carelessly given advice to and who have been hurt by my immaturity. They are your children, entrusted to you by an all knowing God to whom you (not I) am accountable. Forgive me!

My moment of awareness came when I found myself encouraging and defending a mom who's parenting methods have been very close to the opposite of my own for years. When she spoke to me about the immense pressure and judgement she was under from 'concerned' people I was absolutely stunned to find myself ignoring the years of stored up advice I had filed away for just this opportunity, rather I offered her two basic questions "do you feel you are being obedient to God's design for your family" and "have you prayed over what they are saying?" When she said yes, absolutely, to both of them the only thing left to do was help her develop a strategy for fielding those unwanted advice sessions without damaging the relationships around her or becoming angry. How glad I am that I held my tongue all these years, because in that moment I wasn't one of the 'correctors' who thought she was doing it all wrong - I was able to be an encourager who cared about her and the God given call on her family. (I have repented the thoughts of advice also - there is no denying them.)

So here I am, knowing less about parenting than I did 8 years ago. Not much use as a human encyclopedia on being a mom, but a specialist in the 9 (or dare I say 10) that the Lord is entrusting to us.

I know that God has given each of you moms a very specific life path and individual children to raise - and I have confidence that He will also give you the wisdom to do it if you can only cover your ears to the voices of us busybodies and seek only His (and if he allows) your husbands approval. Rejoice in the freedom that is yours!